SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yesterday I broke NC with my WH. I called him to ask him to please do the financial disclosure so I didn't have to take him to court to get it. And his voice... that was the voice of my husband... Not my enemy, not a monster. That was the voice of the man I trusted and loved and every cell of my body is longing to be with.

In the end of course I ended up trying to persuade, asking for reassurances, begging for him to consider our children. Literally, while he was working on the shitty settlement deal he is trying to scare me into signing. And now, of course, I feel a million times worse than I did yesterday when I first called him.

He told me, "You always do this. 2 weeks of barely one word answers and then you call me 4 times in one day. Saying the exact same things every time. Do we really need to do this every two weeks?" And he is absolutely right. I can do NC for like 2 weeks and then I break. And say the exact same things. To a stone wall.

I'm reading the Journey from Abandoment to Healing and so far... yes. Everything is true. I am having a physical reaction to the abandonment. Right now my body is just filled with cortisone... I can feel the stress in every limb.

I'm just SO WORRIED I will not be able to financially support my children because WH is threatening I will get nothing. I don't want to abandon my children the way he has abandoned me. I cannot bare for them to feel this way. I know now I will stay with them forever no matter how poor it makes me and how rich and fabulous their father is.

You're right.. you would do well to keep to your NC. No new contact = No new hurts. And yeah, it's going to be difficult because you were so accustomed to counting on him, but now he has flaked.

I think, in terms of your worries regarding your financial future, you'd do well to work through a good attorney to get all you can in support of your kids. Your WH has a history of being a party boy and is probably unsuitable to share 50/50 custody. I'd go for more custody with additional child and spousal support for as long as possible. Your STBX should be paying on your kids until they're through college, and he should be supporting you through any additional job training or educational degree that you need to support these children. Contact every woman's group you can find. Talk to your family and friends and local churches to see what kind of help they can get for you with child care. Sign up for any government benefits you qualify for. I know it's scary, but FIGHT for the security of your family. Don't allow some kind of do-it-yourself settlement. Keep fighting until you get all you can. People aren't allowed to just lah-dee-dah off into the sunset and abandon their children. The courts are behind you on that.

Bear in mind that it's the squeaky wheel which gets the grease. Make phone calls. Make noise. Don't be afraid to be seen and heard. And don't give up. You can do this. You're a mama bear on a mission.

((hugs))

Thank you Chamomile! I have an excellent lawyer and I fully intend on getting every last euro I can. I will not back down or be intimidated or manipulated.