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So, last night, I sent WH a message saying "I love you. Good night." He wrote back that he loved me, good night. He had told me he was going to a friend’s house, and when I said "well, be safe if you aren’t going to his house." He said, "I’m going over there. I have no reason to lie."

Weeeeellll, today I got a message on Facebook from AP asking if we could talk. I was like, wtf does she have to talk to me about? Well, I couldn’t get a hold of WH all day, which was unusual (he had planned to come over and mow the lawn). So, he eventually texted me and was giving me limited info., so I said I was coming over. He asked me not to. I asked why, and blah blah blah, he said she was going to be coming there. He said that she had seen the text from him telling me he loved me. She wasn’t happy.

She texted me that we should talk as a group. So we all met at the place WH is staying. Well, it turns out that he was lying to both me and AP! He had told her that we were over and totally done. He lied to HER about where he was when he was with ME. The same way he lied to ME when he was with HER. We had been meeting and cuddling and making out. We told each other we loved each other. I thought I was just being with my husband. She saw it that he was lying to her the whole time. She was so pissed at him. She dumped his ass! She apologized to me several times. She didn’t know that we had gone to marriage counseling to try to work through some our issues (before I knew it wasn’t over between WH and AP), and she didn’t know that we are nowhere near divorced.

AP and I are now friends on FB. I can’t believe it.

She’s actually nice.

[This message edited by LostandBroken900 at 1:21 AM, Sunday, May 22nd]

Wow. Just wow.

AP and I are now friends on FB. I can’t believe it.
She’s actually nice.

Knowing the he was still lying...Where are you at with how you feel about him?

Well, damn. Life can certainly be stranger be fiction. What would put an even bigger twist on this is that you and AP start dating instead (just kidding).

But honestly not surprised that your stbx lied. He really tried to play both of you, and now hopefully he gets neither of you.

[This message edited by Forks027 at 1:43 AM, Sunday, May 22nd]

Stay strong, LostAndBroken.

You deserve love and wholeness.
You deserve someone you can trust.

This is the CAKE that I've been telling you about. He has been triangulating you with the OW all this time in order to have TWO women dancing like puppets on a string for his grand self. And no... the OW is NOT your friend. She knew about you all this time, and now that she's finally figured out that lying liars lie, suddenly she cares about you??? No. Chances are, your WH will do what many others before him have done in this same position, he'll kiss both your asses and see which one responds. If you both do.. hey, he's back in cake.

So I chatted with AP for several hours today, and found out the truth about so many things. So many times he said he wasn’t with her and he was. She found out about times he told her he was alone and he was with me. He told me she had never been to our house, and she told me she has been over several times. She has apologized so many times, and she feels so bad. He got both of us Mother’s Day cards from our pets. We shared photos.

She’s like an alternate version of me. We found out how similar we are.

Cheaters are lying liars who lie. He was probably really excited that two women were in love with him. He's sooooo irresistible.

He went to her house. They talked. They started having sex but stopped (I’m supposed to be thankful?). She’s confused. I told her there is no question, he’s married. I told her to be with him, I don’t give a fuck.

I told him to not talk to me again and delete the photos of us off his Facebook. We both deactivated our Facebook accounts.

He never came to me to just talk. He never wrote me long messages talking about how much he wanted to be with me. He did that with her. I now know he's capable. He chose her.

I’m crushed. I went to bed and woke up thinking it was all a bad dream. It’s not. It’s real.

Edit: Now that I’m up and awake, I actually I think I may be able to separate myself from him and start moving on.

[This message edited by LostandBroken900 at 3:04 PM, Wednesday, May 25th]

This is like a textbook example of triangulation, and I'm so sorry they did that to you. Basically, your involvement over the past few days created drama, and drama is fuel. Suddenly, the illicit relationship is under threat, the wagons circle, it becomes and "us vs. her" dynamic... and kibbles fall like rain. For them. Not so much for you. You see how that works? Your presence, your interest, your pain even, energizes the affair making it more tantalizing. And for as long as you are still on stand-by, you're breathing life into their tawdry little hook-up by denying it legitimacy. It's not until you turn your back and REFUSE to allow any further triangulation that they actually have to deal with the reality of their choices. These are two people who don't give a shit about anyone else but themselves, and when the fantasy of romance is stripped away... they KNOW that about each other.

I’m sure you can see how much kick the AP (and your WH) gets out of hurting you. There’s no question about how cruel someone must be to tell the wife of their married boyfriend "we started having sex".

APs aren’t our friends. They want in on all the drama and if they can’t form a team with the WH they try to form a team with the BS, whatever keeps them still in the triangle. The ow in my case ended her call to me with "I can see you’re a nice person, please call me any time" after spending the entire call spouting poison at my WH.

I never engaged with her again. Once she realised she’s out of our lives she proceeded to do everything she could imagine to still remain in the drama triangle (at one point we called the police on her as I felt really threatened).

Extract yourself from the triangle by any means. Read CT’s post above and read it again. If feeds their egos, your WH is OMG!!! desired by two women, he feels so special, the ow has something you want so she gets a huge kick out of it.

Once you’re out these two will have to admit who they are because there’s nothing forbidden anymore to keep the fire alive. People like these two are no prizes. Not even for each other. Ow will probably lose interest in her new toy as nobody wants it anymore. WH will suddenly realise he placed his bet on the wrong number… this isn’t something you come back from. He made his bed, let him sleep in it.

[This message edited by Luna10 at 11:43 AM, Thursday, May 26th]

Thank you both!! I have gone no contact with both of them! I’m strangely calm, knowing that I can stop wondering where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with, etc.

It's not until you turn your back and REFUSE to allow any further triangulation that they actually have to deal with the reality of their choices. These are two people who don't give a shit about anyone else but themselves, and when the fantasy of romance is stripped away... they KNOW that about each other.

I hope my lack of contact and lack of interest is showing my refusal to allow further triangulation. I’m still going to have to talk to WH because we need to separate our stuff and get the house ready to sell. I’m not going to ask about her though. If she sends me a message, she getting gray rocked.

If she sends me a message

Block her.

I hope you've seen enough to divorce his lying ass