SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just spent an hour reading through my archived posts from January 2011. Kept getting teary eyed reliving some of the pain in my posts and finding myself surprised that I could still be so impacted almost 12 years later.

Most won't remember me here as I have not been a frequent poster and eventually chose to visit less to avoid pain shopping. My wife and I successfully reconciled through counseling, hard work and we built a better marriage.

I think of the affair almost daily still. Some through my own thoughts but mostly through references to infidelity on some form of media. Its painful but also gratifying as I can see my wife's pain too when infidelity comes up in conversation or on TV.

Not sure if there is much point to my post other than letting those who are mired in the pain infidelity causes and wondering like I did if reconciliation is possible that happiness can be your future and infidelity does not have to define who you are or how you live.

We are happier today than at any point in our 30 year relationship. We've raised 3 pretty amazing kids together.

I wouldn't want to re-live 2011 but at the end of the day it made a better Father and a better Husband.

I hope you all find your peace. whether it be reconciliation or divorce.

[This message edited by Drew_n_Va at 6:12 PM, Monday, January 9th]

Thanks for the update

Hey Drew,

It is good to hear from you. The reminders aren't fun, but it is good to know we can work through them.

The odd thing is that mentions of infidelity anywhere usually hit my wife harder than myself. Keep reaching ok out to one another for support when those triggers hit.

Thanks for the update. Very happy to hear that you and your wife are happy and hope that you both continue to do well.

Good to hear from you.

I joined 19 days after you did. At the time, there was an active thread in JFO called something like, 'It's not the A, it's the work you do after the A that makes your life better'. The work isn't fun, but it does pay off.

As in n&d's sitch, my W is more distressed by infidelity in media than I am.

19 years out for us, and much of what you say resonates.

It is a hard (multiple dirty words) road, but it has been worth it.

Peace to you.

Thank you for your post.

I come on SI daily (sufferung from insomnia). Sometimes to relate to others, to give advice and to also read stories like these on the reconciliation forum. My H and I decided to work on our M. I know we have a better M after 5 years but it really does scare me in the long term especially if after 12 or 19 years Im still triggering.

Its good to know though. Thanks for the update. Wishing you all the best.

I am 5 years out too. I just don’t see my marriage as better. I stayed because of my age and his. I figured why split up assets when logically he really doesn’t have that long to live. We don’t fight and still travel the world together. He just robbed our marriage of being anything special between us. I mean when you tell yourself you can date when you have been married for 36 years and are 72 (now 76) how special did he think I was? We did counseling but all he did was come home telling me what the counselor said for me to do to fix my anger. We had never fought before this happened so maybe I don’t really have an anger issue!! Maybe I have a cheating husband issue.