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Dear lady! What a terrible revelation only 6 weeks into your marriage!!! Please listen to the sage advice given - run, run as fast as you can. This man has shown you that he doesn’t value you - he NEVER has!! He is a fraud who tricked you into marrying him. Ask yourself - would you have married him had you known what kind of man he was during your engagement? Had you been aware that this man was soliciting prostitutes you would have cut and run. Well now is the time to do just that. Get an annulment. He conned you into this fake marriage. This is WHO he is. This isn’t something that just happened. This is a pattern of behaviors that existed BEFORE you, before you even started dating I would venture to say. Ask yourself - is this the kind of man I want as my life partner? A man who compares notes with his mate about a prostitute they BOTH sleep with?? Do the other betrayed wife a favor and please tell her what you know. You are both married to men who practice unsafe behaviors. Get tested asap. And get yourself a good attorney and get this marriage annulled. Kick this man to the curb. Because you my dear lady DESERVE so much more.

The way I look at it, you have three choices. 1. Get an annulment. 2. Get a divorce if an annulment isn't available to you. 3. Stay with him. The first two options will open up a world of endless amazing possibilities - a future of hope, achievement, success, and happiness. The third option is littered with the likely results of disappointment, heartbreak, sadness, depression, and regret. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you have been blessed by discovering his true nature very early into the marriage. This is a true gift that most of us on this forum would have loved to receive so early in the relationship (before children, before significant financial entanglements, and before a lifetime of investment in a doomed relationship). I would have changed places with you in a heartbeat. Everything you thought you had was an illusion. You have a chance at an amazing life. Please don't squander this gift. If you stay, and your life turns out miserable (and it almost certainly will be miserable as others have already pointed out), the only person you will have to blame is yourself.

[This message edited by betrayed1965 at 7:14 PM, Wednesday, May 3rd]

How are you holding up Newlywed?

We are here to support you in any way possible.

Thank you to all of you who have given me great advice. I appreciate the time that you took to read my story as well as providing me with much needed advice. It helps confirm my decision to leave the relationship.

Just an update I have left the house, however I found out I cannot have an annulment which is very unfortunate. I’m so angry with the whole situation as I will need to seperate for a year before I can file for divorce. On top of that I’m in my 30s so he has robbed me of my fertile years or whatever is left of it. That is the only reason why I had a small thought of reconciling given I’m worried I won’t be able to find someone else/ scared to start over. I thought we were going to build a family together and grow old together but in reality he has betrayed me in the most worse possible way.

I have informed him that I want to end the marriage, but he said he doesn’t want a divorce. He said he will still try he’s hardest to change my mind. He believes he can change and make me happy.
I honestly don’t believe we even have that chance.

As much as I want to Inform her I have not informed his friends wife, as she doesn’t have social media so i am not able to reach out to her about it.

Newlywed23, your story is mine, but you found out much earlier, and consider yourself better off for that, strange as it seems. Like you, we spent 4 years dating and I was waiting, not going to be used by some casual boyfriend like had been the case before in my life, but he was such a dedicated, kind and lovely boyfriend who had truly convinced me he was a virgin! Since he was a man who had been working overseas for years and spent years in the military before that, and since he was a "workaholic," very overweight and said he never had luck dating, I BELIEVED him!! 🙄

What never even occurred to me, worldly-wise as I believed I was, was that by saying he had no luck dating he was, in a back-handed way, saying that he always had to BUY whatever sex he had experienced! But even then, had he told me anything of this history before we married, it would have been one thing. To lie about it, convince me to marry, and then continue this behavior shortly after I committed my entire adult life and finances to our mutual marriage? As others have posted, it's beyond the ordinary level of betrayal.

And please know, these guys never want a Divorce. They want their "good woman" and their whores.

Tune out his remorseful tears and pleas. I didn't, and 12 years later, he did it again - and was arrested for soliciting in our new home town, where everyone we knew read this sordid news in the paper. His mug shot was on the television that night. And it was my birthday, which he'd celebrated sweetly with me that morning. Can you put yourself in that situation and realize what you are dealing with? This kind of man wasted many years of my life that I cannot reclaim.

Someone like this man has a deep-seated split in his personality and it won't be fixed by anything you can do. I had already quit my career and mortgaged MY home for us to buy a place for him to enjoy before I found out. I was 51, just going through menopause. You are actually blessed to have discoverd the truth about his history so early on, much as it really hurts right now. Mine finally admitted he had given his virginity to a prostitute and continued on from then, through all our years of dating. His family thought it was no big deal, but he comes from a country where prostitution was long ago made legal and women can have customers come to their homes. His father actually told me "Not a big shock over here, we see 20 ads every week in the back of our local paper advertising women for hire." (They live in a rural area in the southern hemisphere.) But I noticed his father had counted...made me think the apple hadn't fallen far from the old tree.

And I had to learn that sometimes, the culture of the family is more influential than any words or feelings you two can exchange. Don't make the mistake I did of trying to talk it out or wait it out.

You did nothing to deserve this, and I am so sorry.

[This message edited by Superesse at 6:42 AM, Friday, May 5th]

I am sorry you are unable to get an annulment. And one year seems like a long time but it’s at least reasonable and dimething in the near future.

I see your STBXH is behaving in a very selfish way. Him but "wanting" a Divorce is typical for some cheaters. I don’t know if he understands the magnitude of the devastation he has caused.

I think you have made the right decision here. In hindsight you are always going to have resentment towards him because of the fraud and lies he told you to get you to marry him. I don’t think this is something that you could recover from.

He is soon to be an ex husband whether he likes it or not.

I hope you are taking care of yourself. Get yourself a good counselor who can help you during this difficult situation. It can save your sanity.

Are you able to separate and move to a different State, and then file in that State?

And please know, these guys never want a Divorce. They want their "good woman" and their whores.

I know why mine wanted to stay married to me while he was living his double life is because he wanted others to think that he was an outstanding husband, father and citizen who would never do anything to hurt his family. He didn't marry me for love, he married me as a cover so he could carry on a double life.

We really did have the picture perfect marriage... from the outside looking in. But his coworkers weren't fooled and it seems that they were beginning to close in on him. So instead of making wise decisions and being honest about who he was, he made terrible choices and went deeper into his addictions and lifestyle choices.

It may not seem this way right now but you are so fortunate to have found out earlier rather than later who your WH really is. I'm so sorry that you too are having to go through this whereas these times should have been the happiest memories of your lives together.

I vote dump him and leave him in the dust. I'm one of the believers who feel they rarely ever are able to make the change. And if you do decide to stay, prepare yourself for a lifetime of misery and upset because that is what he will do for and to you. Ask me how I know this.

When my late wh was still alive he destroyed my life by the choices he made. Yours will do the same also if you decide to stay because something inside of them is so twisted and warped in their brains that allows them to be able to do this. They may seem normal on the outside, but it is their insides where there is something so seriously wrong, who can so blatantly do this. Not only to the love of their lives but it trickles down and affects anyone else close to them.

So sad. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Better to leave now than to try and get him to change what is so broken inside of him.

...it trickles down and affects anyone else close to them.

And this includes generations of a family. There are always serious issues that drive such behavior and many of them are inter-generational transmission of sexually abusive behaviors on the part of at least 1 parent. In my SAWH's case it was the whole family! Get as far from this legacy as you can.

There is a reason he did not stop seeing prostitutes after you married.

Because he’s addicted.

I think that is the biggest indicator of your future.

He had no intention of stopping. And as long as he has the friend who cheats in his wife in his life, I doubt he would be able to shop for very long.

So sorry for you.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, but I agree with the advice you have been given - divorce him. I know you are worried that you will not find a worthy mate before you become unable to have children. I’d recommend freezing your eggs now and taking your time to find the right partner. If you keep in good physical shape you’ll be able to carry and birth children, using your frozen eggs, for years to come. Just save yourself from this liar.

Sending a big hug.

Hi @Newlywed23 I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this painful situation in your marriage and my heart goes out to you. I'm normally rooting for marriage to be healed and reconciled but also very aware that there has to be a level of sincere remorse and commitment from the WS to rebuild the broken trust for there to be any chance of R. I do think people are capable of change but really only time will actually tell if your H can change and importantly if you're willing to invest that time considering all that you've found out.

I'm praying for healing and strength for your emotions and wisdom for the days ahead. No matter what has happened, please remember that you're worthy of love that can be trusted, Sending you much hugs dear ))).

So very sorry... Such betrayal can shake you to your core... Been there and still recovering on my own. Have you considered counseling? Me, I pray and seek direction.

Run. Run. Run.

I am- Ten years out with a somewhat remorseful spouse. Reconciled for the children.

RUN.