SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

He always hated SI and that everyone was on my side

I am sure that, globally speaking, there is a long list of people who are fans of people who cheat on their wife, beat her up, and then skip out of child support payments.

SI is the exception of course. We're weird.

Lol

Seeing as he cares more about paying for things other than making sure his children are taken care of I can assure you he will do everything he can to make me out to be the bad one in this situation.

I wish I could be more open here so you all knew more details.

I regret sharing SI. He's taken so much from me and even here isn't safe.

Stxwh had the nerve to tell dd that his lawyer told him since he's not living at the house anymore he doesn't have to pay anything...

What the ever fuck is that bullshit.

He IS still responsible for HIS children.

Making sure they have food and a roof over their head.

What part of that is so hard for him to understand?!?

And him not being at the house is his OWN DAMN FAULT FOR ASSAULTING ME.

Stxwh had the nerve to tell dd that his lawyer told him since he's not living at the house anymore he doesn't have to pay anything...

Either his lawyer is not very smart or he is hearing what he wants to hear (I'm willing to bet it's the latter).

When is the temporary support hearing? I imagine the judge will be none-to-pleased to hear that he's left his long-time SAH wife and 4 kids without ANY income at all or way of procuring groceries or other necessities for the past month. Pissing off the judge is not a great move.

I'm so sorry Dragn - you and those little dragons deserve so much better than this. She wont forget this. Don't let him bait you. Keep your eyes on what matters (ie. not him). Water off a duck's back.....water off a duck's back.

Do you have a "Buy Nothing" facebook group in your community? If so, I really encourage you to join. I've seen neighbours in my community absolutely rally to take care of one another during times of need. Things like groceries, hot meals, clothes, shoes, places to stay, furniture cleaning/cooking services, babysitting, etc.

Do you have a "Buy Nothing" facebook group in your community? If so, I really encourage you to join. I've seen neighbours in my community absolutely rally to take care of one another during times of need. Things like groceries, hot meals, clothes, shoes, places to stay, furniture cleaning/cooking services, babysitting, etc.

Hmmm I don't know but I'll check. I have a community page. But most of the stuff on that is bickering lol

Well a bit of good news. Got my financial assistance. We will be ok for now. Got the internet paid. Kids are happy.

Of course if DS doesn't tone down his attitude with his online game I'm going to hide the power cord for his PS4!

I'm very sorry for what you are going through. And cannot imagine stbxwh doesn't fathom he still is responsible for 4 littles. Someone else said check out local free/buy/sell sites. In my area we've had people post in similar scenarios and the outpouring of help is tremendous. Doesn't hurt to ask. I know you don't want to miss mortgage payments for sake of your own credit rating but, first of all, you have to get very far behind before it's an issue of bank taking the property (they really don't want), banks will work with you if they understand the scenario and this means that they won't apply a bad report against your credit if they know why you got behind. Plus, whatever you do to make payments or keep the children fed will help you in court against the AH. He has a responsibility and will NOT be looked at kindly for shirking that. You are in amazing legal shape even if you can't see it right now.

He can do anything and everything to hurt you in court but from where I sit he's the one that will look poorly in a courtroom and you're the one holding it together despite everything. He left you without a reliable vehicle, no money for food or gas, etc. Really? What judge could look kindly at that. None. Plus assault charges. Please don't fret for a second about legal issues, everything is on your side.

I think you're rural (animal stories!), do you have arable land you could rent out and collect cash rent from? I know you want to farm but maybe you have to set your dream aside for a few years to cut expenses. Hateful I know and sorry you are in the position but just a thought to help you and your children manage for now. I'm positive you have much better days ahead and positive that you can manage quite nicely on your own.

I'm not worried about the bank. My parents are on title. If I don't pay, the bank goes after them and they have little to no money. Plus if they lose any money they call and scream at me.

Right now my mother won't spend more than a minute on the phone with me. Pretty sure she's pissed that I just didn't suck it up and take the hits because that's what the woman in our family have always done...

He didn't leave willingly. He was given the conditions not to communicate with me or be anywhere I am.

But it's true, I was left with no reliable vehicle, no money for bills or food.

Today has been a rough day. Wh is texting dd constantly trying to get around the third party contact by telling her to contact his parents who he is living with to arrange a visit. He thinks that if dd is thr go between with her grandparents then he's avoiding thr conditions.

Perhaps he's found a loophole BUT it isn't up to dd who is 15 today, to arrange this. It's to much for her. He kept asking her if she had talked to me yet.

The other day she was so upset she cried all day AND threatened suicide...

So today we went to the police station (we were in town) as per my family court support workers suggestion. Again police said with no court orders the only thing they could suggest was for dd to block him. DD doesn't want to do that because she feels split on everything and doesn't want to upset her dad.

The process is so damn slow. Today's meeting just resulted in getting the appointment with my lawyer set up. I could file the paperwork on my own but I still need to arrange to have wh served. It was explained that once he is served he has 30 days to respond with his own paperwork. Then a court date will be set. So we are looking at at least a month, most likely longer before any court orders for custody are in place.

I am not wrong for wanting police enforceable court orders in place so wh and his family can't just take the kids or mess with returning them. I also want supervised visit until wh has had anger management. Ds wants nothing to do with his dad and has said he won't go.

Yikes, that's horrible your parents on title to your land. Destroyed credit rating now for them a huge issue for whatever old age/care they will need. You def need legal advice on how to handle that and make stbxwh responsible for payments to keep you and littles there and NOT affect your parents. I did say bank will be gentle on you in foreclosure in your current circumstances but if your parents on title the bank can come and seize their assets.

Can you rent any land to get money to help them/you/mortgage until stbxh forced to make payments?

Well when I meet with my lawyer everything will be discussed. Right now I just want custody and support in place.

Yes I can rent the land.

With the new supports in place the mortgage is covered. As is keeping the kids fed.

Wh offered to pay for ds game upgrade bit he still won't provide food money. Like WTF. It just boggles my mind. I've been a SAHM for 15 years. Where does he think we were getting food from...

((Virtual hugs))
This is difficult stuff. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Question:

I have a lawyer now but don't meet with them for another week. I can file my family court papers on my own before that. I just have to pay for wh to be served by the court.

I dont know if I should wait for the lawyer meeting or do it all myself now.

I have a bad feeling wh will get a family court lawyer and file paperwork before me claiming I'm unjustly keeping the kids from him.

Thing is he has access. He's free to call them (which doesn't happen often, dd called HIM on her birthday, dammit he should have called her!) text and video call.

I want police enforceable court orders in place before I let the kids leave my custody. Plus with the assault charge and the abuse the kids told me about I am doing what's best for them.

Thoughts?

So glad you have financial support in place!

That's awful about DD... I'm worried about her. Has she started IC? I know it's been in the works, but a struggle.

I think you should wait until you meet with the lawyer before filing.

((((drgn)))) feel free to msg me anytime. ♥

DD and DS both have an IC through a teen program at womans resources. They both signed the consents for it. The twins are to young and the other child counseling is a 5 month wait and requires wh to consent for the twins.

I also was given phone numbers for the kids if they need to talk to someone. I have shown dd but she refuses to call.

The family court support worker will also be at that meeting with the lawyer so I guess I'll wait. I just habe a sinking feeling in my gut that wh is up to no good.

I don't doubt that wh is up to no good. But we can't control him so we focus on making the best choices for you and your kids. If the meeting were another month + away, yeah, I wouldn't want to wait that long, but a week? You've got this! I'd hate for you to file early and possibly miss something that the lawyer and family court support worker has to offer.

What's the plan for this week?

I dont want to miss anything so I'll wait for the lawyer.

This week.

Well we just got done with a visit from child protective services. Seemed to go ok.

DS has an appointment with IC this week. The kids want to go to the park in town with the splash pad.

I want to look at what I need to do to keep the house. Talk to mortgage company etc.

I'm kinda at a standstill here now. Not sure what else to do other than keep the kids as happy as they can.

Maybe spend some time this week making some tentative plans of summer activities for the kids to look forward to. Could be simple things like the splash pad, library, or having a picnic. I know you've mentioned some bigger events too that will be happening. My in-laws make a summer bucket list with their kids and I bet it's fun to see things get scheduled and planned throughout the summer. A way to get all of the kids involved and thinking of fun events they are going to do this summer! ♥

Didn't you say you'd like to do some remodeling or home decorating? Make your house a home again for everyone!

Before you know it, the kids will all be back in school. Enjoy this time while they are still young-ish.

Yes the kids and I have gone over things to do. Easy small stuff. Picnic at the splash pad park, fishing down at the lake by us, birthday party at my parents near the end of the month for all the kids.

We will be rearranging the house tomorrow. Dd said to really change it up so we are.

I've been advised not to paint or do upgrades right now. But we are hanging up pictures. Dd did amazing work in her art class that we are displaying.

Dd wants to go hang out with friends and ds has a friend whose mom is trying to arrange an overnight trip.

There's also a provincial park near us with a beach that we love going to so I'm taking them probably next weekor the week after.

I had bought bubble wands last year that we got out. The twins love that. Wh said our above ground pool liner was ripped but I never saw it so we plan to set it up and see for sure. If it's something a patch kit will fix we will set that up. The kids will be in it non stop lol

As much as I love doing things I realize the kids need downtime too. Big D loves to sit and read his books. Little M likes playing solitaire. Ds just plays his ps4 game and dd likes to sit and chat with her friends.

DD still isn't eating alot. She's snacks. She didn't eat dinner tonight but did snack so I didn't push the issue. Grapes and apples were on sale this week so they can snack on healthy stuff.

How are you today Drgn?

To be honest it's been rough. Ds has broken down a few times over what's going on. I just sat and held him and let him cry it out.

I've had moments like that too lately.

Today I decided it was rearrange the living room day. Looks better and more functional.

Moved my water monitor to an enclosure in the living room too lol. He was good. Didn't bite BUT his claws got me good.

Just going to take things one day at a time.