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I have been trying to figure all this out on my own not telling anybody and having nobody to talk to but my fiancé. I have been back and forth on what to do at the end of last year he went out of town and was gone off and on for 2 months. I had the worst feeling something was going on but thought it was just so to how rocky our relationship had been. Then we had some family deaths and he came home but was in such a hurry to get back I knew something was going on I searched his things and found stuff he had been talking to other women on apps. I was floored it broke my heart.i confronted him and called the women on his phone one answered and said she knew something was off about him he would barley say a word I found pictures sent that really hurt. The same lady called me back the next day and we talked she said she never actually met him but he had really tried but she just knew he had a family she said he just acted off. Which I had found a message that proved she blew him off but still. Then I found more and they of course didn’t answer. He insist it was just a game to pass the time I don’t believe him I think if he could have got them to meet he would have went. I wanted a polygraph to prove he didn’t sleep with any of them he got mad said he wasn’t going to do it. Then one night he started telling me he met a girl there at a party that a neighbor where he was staying had and he started talking to her and they kissed and fooled around but she didn’t want to have sex I still insisted on a polygraph there were just too many lies he went angry and mad and passed that he didn’t sleep with anybody I only got 4 questions. Of course I wanted more info on this girl and just felt something was off he kept changing the story then one night he just blew up and said that he never met any of the girls he just thought that is what I wanted to hear and if he told me he did I would leave it alone. That hurt me more than anything why would you make that up that is crazy and so hurtful. Now he is wanting to go and take and pay for another polygraph not when he first told me but over a month later I think because he sees the hurt and how I am struggling. I don’t know what to think anymore I am just torn and I think I may have to leave to move on.

Welcome to SI, the best club nobody wants to join. There are some pinned posts at the top of the forum that you may find helpful. There is also the Healing Library, which is chock full of information and includes a list of the acronyms we use.

For me, an engagement is a trial run for M and entails monogamy. Unfortunately, your WBF (wayward boyfriend) has failed that test. Many will come along and say that if you are not married and have no kids that you may want to cut your losses and leave the relationship. You two should still be in the honeymoon phase of your relationship and he couldn't stay faithful. Once you add other responsibilities, things get more complicated.

There is a book called How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair by Linda MacDonald that helps the wayward understand a little bit of the devastation they have heaped on their intimate partner. I suggest that you read it, too.

they kissed and fooled around

Just because they didn't have penis in vagina (PIV) sex doesn't mean he wasn't unfaithful. To me, kissing and fooling around is a sex act.

I think if he could have got them to meet he would have went

I agree with you. I think talking to other women on apps was a fishing trip and he was trying to see what he could get with his bait.

Infidelity is the worst pain imaginable. If you can find a betrayal trauma specialist, especially one that deals with infidelity, I would suggest IC (individual counseling).

I guess I needed to clarify that we have been together almost 23 years I just have a fear of getting married again and we just have been ok staying where we are on that and we do have children together thankfully they are grown