SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello friends, just need some support. I unfortunately ran into AP while out to lunch with a friend (who knows nothing about the infedelity). AP walked by me and made eye contact, then hurried out of the door. My friend noticed- I had a visceral reaction- so I said it's just an old acquaintance I don't like.
Seeing her brought me right back to d-day. I don't want to give her that power over me!
I would have normally called H at work and screamed at him, because if I was hurting, he damn well was going to hurt also. Such is the beauty of IC, I just came home and calmed down.
Honestly, I'm not even sure I'll bring it up.
Just needed to vent. Sometimes I wish we had moved away.

Hopeful,

I'm so sorry that you experienced that emotional gut-punch in the middle of the day. You handled it so well. From your description of how quickly the AP left, it seems like she had the sense to either be ashamed or perhaps worried about a public scene. Some small satisfaction there maybe.

I saw an AP in Walmart in a nearby checkout lane. I waited in my car to see what car she got into and followed her to the exit. I don't think she saw (or maybe didn't recognize) me. I toyed with following her for a bit, but she turned in the opposite direction from my planned path of travel...so I let it go. I spent several days afterward mentally imagining leaving a message on her car but didn't want to signal to her that she had any power in my life (and this was about 2 years out from Dday).

It's great that you vented here. Everything you were feeling is totally relatable.

So sorry you had this awful encounter with the AP! I hope AP is filled with shame and remorse over what she has done.
You handled the situation with poise! Hope the rest of your day is going better!

Bring it up. This is an understandable trigger and you are entitled to have feelings about it. Let him comfort you. You're far enough into R that I assume this stuff doesn't happen all that often anymore. Let it be something that brings you together.

The good news is that you can hold your head up high about how it went. She scurried off like the little shameful rat she is. A very similar thing happened to me about a year post d-day. The AP in my situation did the same thing yours did. In time, I actually felt good about knowing that she was a little afraid of me. I had spent a lot of time obsessing over what it would be like to confront her and that non-confrontation showed me exactly how that would go and took the anxiety I had out of it. It felt good knowing that she was ashamed of herself.

You handled it beautifully. I’d bring it up to FWH. I do. And I run into the OW about once a week. Sometimes I wish we had moved too. Hang in there.

I don't want to give her that power over me!

Well considering the fact that she took one look at you and then ran out the door, I think you have a lot more power over her than the other way around!

Your post actually reminded me of Proverb 28:1, which is one of my favorites:

"The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion."

That you all for the kind words. I did tell H and he said he's sorry that happened, I made one comment about how old she looked but otherwise it passed fairly calmly.

Blue, I love that Proverb, thank you.