SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Originally posted this in General not sure how to move it here so I am just going to copy and paste it..

To the admin, if this is not allowed, feel free to delete my post. Thank you.

This may sound crazy but I've been thinking about it for few days now.
I have the urge to contact the OBS again just to talk about our WSes affair.

Initially (Sep 2023), when I informed him about the affair and gave all the information I had, he mentioned that he wanted to speak to me. He did try to call but couldn't answer at that time because I was attending my 8 month old baby (not really the right time to talk about my WS's affair when I have a fussy/cranky newborn in the background).

I tried to call him back few hours later but he did not pick up as I know for sure he is at work at that time.

I was planning to call him few days/weeks after but to be honest, I am not at my best (mentally and emotionally) during those months as it has been only 2 months post Dday.

I tried to check if he did not block me yet from the FB msgr (only way of communicating) and he did not. I still have him on my list.

What the purpose of it now to contact him?
I feel like we really do need to talk about the details of our WSes as both of our WSes are minimizing and TT their affair. A closure if anything maybe? I dont know.

What do you guys think?
Any thoughts?
Am I crazy to even think about this?
Is it too late already and it doesnt make any sense anymore as it is 4 months post Dday already?

If you need info then you need info. There is no right or wrong there is only your healing. Give him a call. The two of you have different info and putting it together will give you a clearer picture.

Good luck.

I would. He might have pics,messages,or information you don't have.

Don't tell your spouse. I've read your posts. He will only give you grief about it.

Call him when you know he isn't with her, or when he is at work. If he's at work, you can leave a voice mail, and know there is a good chance she won't intercept it. Tell him you would like to talk to him,to maybe compare notes,and to see how honest your spouse has been with you.

Call him. No real reason not to and it will help get you resolution in the long run.

Thank you! 😊

Hello,
Just an update.
So, I did contact him and sent him a message.

Asked if he knows the whole truth or if there is any information that I need to know but he said he rather not talk about it anymore and wants to move on and free from this pain.

He mentioned that it is okay to ask for the information but there is nothing we can do.

He is vengeful still but he prefers to not talk about it.

I guess thats it for me. However, atleast I know how he felt though. After that, he blocked me off. Oh well...

So sorry you have to go through this. Contacting him was the right thing to do. It's a pity he had to block you. He's still grieving and confused at this time. I have a feeling after this phase is over, he will try to contact you again, as he also seeks more truth. All the best.

Kibo,

You did the right thing making the effort and then respecting his right to privacy. You were not the bystander who did nothing but look the other way.

Now have your BH write out a timeline and schedule a polygraph.

The trickle truth, omission, minimization and lies have a long term toxicity which can only be neutralized with truth.

[This message edited by survrus at 1:34 AM, Saturday, November 25th]