SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone!
Just a question - I haven't been on here in a long time...
One of the former ow Just started working in my office. I don't really have to have direct contact with her but some from time to time. Additionally, her son is in my son's class at school (small town) so there are other times /places we have to have brief contact. Her son actually ended up at my house on Halloween night and she sent me a thank you text on messenger with a smiley face. I sent her back a message also with a smiley but immediately regretted the smiley face. ☺️
Fortunately I do feel as though I am past the gut wrenching feelings I used to feel when I would see her (there was a point that I never thought I'd be able to say that!) I wish her no ill will, I don't want revenge, I don't want to be unkind. But being friendly just feels so fake. I don't want to be her friend. I don't want to text her.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else had had this... how did you handle it?

This hasn’t happened to me but I would absolutely not tolerate her contacting you under any circumstances! Unless it’s some kind of emergency and it’s work related or your kid related she has no right to message you! Unless she’s unaware of who you are somehow? Personally I would block her on all platforms (unless you have to have some kind of contact for work?) and ignore her period. She doesn’t have any right to contact you like that. I’m so sorry.

Wow. This is so awful on her part.

If she were remorseful about what she did, she wouldn't be working at the same place you work. And she certainly wouldn't be messaging you with stupid smiley faces.

Does she know you know? Either way it's incredibly inappropriate of her.

The audacity. Seriously.

If it were me,I'd tell her I will tolerate her,but we are not friends and not to communicate with me,in any manner. It's ok to set that boundary with her. It's healthy,and will make things easier for you.

This has SO happened to me. Mine was a double betrayal. And, we’re also in the same, small community. In the same small sport. I won’t say that I don’t wish OW ill. I am working toward indifference. It has been difficult. She’s texted, followed me, tried to talk with me. She sent an apology, but it was "I’m sorry I didn’t resisted your husband’s advances" Not an apology really. I’ll will run into her 1-2 times a week and then go 6 months and never cross paths.

Initially, the four of us decided that we would politely ignore one another when we ran into each other. When her marriage fell apart, she no longer felt compelled to do that. I have kindly and NOT so kindly told her to give me space. That it would be better for her not to speak to me. When we do run into each other, she gets close in public settings as if to eaves drop….and I do my best to continue my conversations with others and ignore her.

The difficulty in our case is that I really get the feeling that she thinks I’ve injured her and not the other way around. Last time we messaged I said "It is obvious we travel in similar circles. I don’t wish you ill. I neither want nor appreciate any input from you. As I’ve said multiple times, please leave me alone and I will do the same".

I still have the more visceral responses, but I think that is largely do to the ongoing boundaries being pushed with me. I’m hopeful that will dissipate with time.

If somehow you are required to have any contact with her through your job, OUT HER to your supervisor and ask for different arrangements. Also, I would not encourage a friendship between the children. Avoid that if possible.

Wow,

Has the affair been exposed widely, does her H or SO know?

This is like recovering from heat stroke in a boiling pot of water.

Tell everyone in the office the facts as they are.

Sometimes people have to move away to keep from walking on emotional landmines.

Ladybugmaam, have you considered an air horn?

Great idea.

Almost forgot. Enlist your supervisor and others to help you create greater distance. I eventually told nearly everyone in my sport community. They really helped support me and create more physical distance.

This is not your shame to carry.

Hi everyone. Thanks for the responses. I don't and really have never talked to anyone else about his infidelities, except you all here on this forum back when it was going on, so i do really appreciate all of you.
She was separated from her H at the time that it happened. I don't know if he knew about it. She has a new SO now. I never told a soul outside of these forums - i was and i guess still am too embarrassed by it to talk about it. Like people will judge me for being back together with H.
I know their relationship was widely known at their place of work (H and OW worked together at the time)
It happened back in 2014, then lingered off and on until the beginning of 2016. So it's been 8 years ish.
H is sober now going on 5 years. We were separated for a while, but things now are more or less good. I'm not worried he's having g contact with her.

I guess part of me feels like I want her to know that I am over it. That at this point in time she is insignificant to me in the whole scheme of things and all that I went through. She can't hurt me anymore.
And maybe I feel like if I just act like she's another co worker, just another mom, then she'll know I'm not threatened by her anymore, she'll realize she was just a tiny little pimple on my life, and H's as well..... but I definitely don't want to be her friend... idk

My poor mother, (she is a saint) has for years been smothered by the OW as she keeps trying to be her friend at water aerobics. She just keeps approaching my mother wanting to chat and be great friends. I don’t know how she does it. She is so kind and helpful to everyone she knows, I know where I get it from now. As for me, I didn’t inherit all of that composure, because in my case, the POS OM will never be my friend again, nor will I associate with him. He is a predator who seeks out vulnerable wives who are in rocky marriages to get what he wants.