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Thanks for the update, Dragn. Is there any way that your children could do EMDR? It sounds like they have some PTSD symptoms.

I'm so glad that you're able to do things with your kids. They will appreciate it when they are older.

Yes to the EMDR. I’ve been doing it lately and it’s incredibly helpful. Weird. But helpful.

I'll look into EMDR for them and me too. There's lasting effects from stbxwh abuse that all of us suffer from now.

I've got to figure out how to go from thr copper (or whatever thr type of metal the pipe thibg that attaches the pipe from thr well to thr pressure tank and has the pressure switch, pressure valve and drain to pex.

My experience with PEX is nil... but I think there are fittings designed to go from copper to PEX. Basically, you solder the fitting onto the copper and then connect the PEX to the fitting. The fitting is basically a nipple-like thing that you connect the PEX to.

Despite being on meds my anxiety and panic attacks haven't gone away. Maybe they neve will. I still get up and check thr door locks multiple times. I still feel fearful when I go out. When thr kids are at school I still lock all the doors, even thr bathroom door when I go. I'm tired but don't sleep well. Doc prescribed me sleeping pills and thst doesn't even keep me sleeping.

At least being awake I can get to the kids quick when they have nightmares. It's not as often but man when they do it's awful. Ds didn't want to go to bed because he didn't want anymore nightmares.

It sounds like you are doing about as well as you can.

As others have suggested, therapy is good. EMDR might help -- I've heard good things about it.

I didn't really have to worry about my physical safety much (unless she attacked me with a knife, gun, or other weapon) like you did, but I still suffer from 'aftershocks' from the D-day (more than 7 years ago) and the psycho divorce (finalized three years on Thursday!!). I have been having mild anxiety issues the last week or two... for no apparent reason. I haven't had depression symptoms in I-don't-know-how-long.

It'll take time to heal. With medication and therapy, you can speed up the process but you'll still have to go through the process.

It's awful that life served you up something awful but you are really handling this chaos as well or better than most. You are a tough cookie for sure.

Dd is off school this week due to not having any exams. We had a mom daughter day out where she went and spent her Christmas gift cards.

The just us time allowed her to tell me about the nightmares she's having.

Makes me so sad.

I got an email from the counseling service the twins are on the wait list for. Thry are now at the top of the list so I'll be going to thr office to do an intake for them. Yay!

Note to self and PSA: the muffler on a snow blower gets super hot even if it just keeps starting and stopping. I fixed the wire issue only to find a small black hose not attached to anything. That's the intake to the primer for the gas. No wonder it doesn't want to keep going. It's not getting gas.

But in my haste to feel around where it fits I touched the very hot muffler and now have a unhappy finger. Figures lol

My dad turned 80 today. We went there this weekend to have a small party and one of my brothers, my mother and I got right into it. My dad is just a shell of his former self and at times he's not all there. My mom snaps at him alot, my brother does too and I wasn't having any of it. My mom should know better seeing as she worked in a nursing home for years. They kept saying I have no idea what they go through every day and while ya I'm not there, I did work on the same field and know that no matter what, you do not snap at or yell or just be a jerk to someone like they did.

Obviously they are in need of respite and I'll be setting that up for them since I've told them do that for well over a year now and they won't do it. Grrr. It's available so I don't understand what their problem is.

As if I needed this crap on top of everything else. Ugh. Owell.

At least the weather is beautiful here. Don't need a winter coat at all.

. see you inchimg toward a new normal and it fills me with hope as you are going blossom and do wonderful things.
I'm sorry your father continues to struggle. He's been on dialysis for over a year now. It sounds like he and the family are exhausted. Is it time to have the quality vs quantity talk with him and family? I agree that respite is needed. I don't know aht the rules or coverage for it in Canada are but I urge folks to use the benefit here in the US annually with loved ones that are chronically ill.... being a caregiver is exhausting.

I am glad your kiddos are getting the help they need. I also hope you are getting some help as well. You are a traumatized abused woman who did the best she could with the circumstances she was handed. But please please please make yourself and healing g a priority. It is an excellent lesson for your children to learn that er atr all important and worthy of love and healing.

Tush I'm sorry i guess I havent posted an update on Him.

Dad has been off dialysis for some time. His kidneys began to work again. He did chemo for the bone cancer they discovered while in hospital for dialysis.

Now I'll be honest I'm at a loss for knowing exactly what's going on. My mother refuses to keep me updated and only complains if and or when I speak to her.

Apparently dad completed his chemo and had the opportunity to "ring the bell" he chose not to which pissed off my mom. K...

Yet he is still on a chemo pill which needs special handling...

There's been talk of epilepsy. But nothing concrete told to me. Dad falls all the time. The last time down the basement stairs backwards. Sore but no broken bones.

They had someone come in and advise them what they needed to do in the house to make it safer for him. The basement stairs have no railing. They were told to put one up months ago.

The issue on the weekend was that at the end of dinner my brother got my dad's and mom's old ass phones out to show my kids how hard it was to text back in the day. When he was finished my dad took his phone back and began looking for something. That's when my brother insisted on doing the cake and demanded my dad put away his phone. My dad said in a minute I just want to check something. My mom And brother both just lost it on him and eventually brother brings out cake anyways, dad puts phone down and he goes to cut the cake. Brother snatches his phone away let's dad cut one pice then demands he hand over the knife. Mind you this is a PLASTIC knife. It wasn't dangerous. My dad told my brother to f off a few times and cut everyone cake.

This is the second born brother. My youngest brother and I got into it with mom earlier because youngest brother made a comment about other brother and my mom got mad.

She will defend him no matter what we say and after everything I've been through I will not tolerate it any longer.

When I told my mother what had happened with wh she came across as disappointed in me. I didn't just suck it up and deal with it like every woman in our family. It's what wives are supposed to do ya know. Take the hits and keep on smiling. Sure my mom and dad have fought but he has never laid a hand on her. My uncles were all crabby men and treated my aunts like shit and only one ever left (her first husband) because he told her to leave or he'd kill her. So ya I get no sympathy from my mom.

I am in IC and on meds and I'm somewhat better. I still get up multiple times a night to check all the doors and I have mini panic attacks when out and I see a red van. I wasn't able to go back to the master bedroom and made myself my own small area living room. Now that it's dd's room I can go in there but I could never sleep in there again.

The last 2 weekends in May 2023 we all went fishing. Thsts when wh slammed my wrist on thr guard rail. It was painful swollen but I never went to the hospital. A bump formed not long afterwards and it's never stopped hurting so I'm getting sent for ultrasound and x rays. Doc thinks it's a type of cyst. I can't use my left hand much. Just washing my hair hurts.

So there's physical traumas that continue along with emotional ones and it's a one day at a time thing.

Are there any Canadians here who have had issues with the CRA after being separated?

Unfortunately I did.

I had problems with my child tax benefits.

I had problems with my child tax benefits.

I was told back in June that we needed to separated for 90 days before we would be considered officially separated and my benefits could be readjusted.

Today I get a package asking for proof that we separated on the day we did.

Other than the arrest report, there is no documentation stating we separated on that day. I called and they said to give them a copy of the police report. Ummmm

Police said before I couldn't share that report.

Package also stated that stbxwh will receive the same paperwork.

They said other than the police report I could have someone write a letter on my behalf but they gave me a small limited list of who qualifies. Lawyer is listed so I guess that works.

They also want proof of custody which is fine. I have a copy of the court order.

I know they just want to make sure I'm not trying to scam them but dammit I didn't need this right now. Or ever!

This feels like the burden all falls on me to prove everything which feels overwhelming. I met a woman further along in the process and man the chat with her was amazing. Sad that we shared so much in common though. He gave me a huge hug and it was great.

If I don't prove that we separated on the date we did I could lose my benefits which is all that's carrying us right now. Wh hasn't paid anything the court order says he's supposed to.

I can totally understand what you are going through.

I filled out my paperwork and sent it in, xh never filled his out. So according to the CRA we were not separated even though I had filed for my divorce. My xh wasn't even living in the province of Ontario, CRA still would not accept that we were separated heading for divorce. He was working and paying income tax in another province.

I would fill out the paperwork and attach a copy of the police report along with any court documents that state he cannot be near you or the children.

I have submitted paperwork which included a letter from my lawyer. Hopefully it's enough. Now for the wait. They said it will be 45 days before I receive their decision.

Stbxwh isn't paying a dime and now the only thing barely keeping us afloat is at risk of being taken away. Joy.