SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

@hikingout - That makes complete and absolute sense and I will do just that! Thank you so much. You have made me feel a tad bit calm and that has been extremely helpful.

Please keep focusing on that so you can think more clearly.

@hikingout - Yes, will do. Thanks a lot again!

I had another question! My husband kept rejecting open device policy since after DDay and said he doesn't care and he doesn't want to live like that. But I was still planning on disclosing all of my passwords in the letter that I am drafting for him. Is that a good idea now that he has brought up divorce or should I hold off on that?

I missed this, what did you end up landing on? How are you doing today?

I am just as miserable as yesterday. I decided to give him my phone password and then like that if he wants access to everything else, he gets it like that. If he wishes to stay, he will get access to all of my passwords with no exceptions is what I was thinking.

Stay busy. I think it’s important to see this as a marathon, not a sprint. Healing from infidelity takes years, and right now everything is very fresh. Focus on finding solutions for the anxiety and stay busy.

I have to move my apartments in the next few days. It just breaks my heart to do all of this without my husband. Healing would have probably felt a teeny tiny bit better if my husband would say let us see how to make this work. But him absolutely just hating and resenting me and talking about the divorce, I don't know if there is ever going to be healing from this.

Also, seeing him on dating apps actively trying to date when he is saying that he will still think about what he would like to do about us, sometimes makes me wonder if he will really think about giving us a fair chance. I am not saying him being on the dating app is any fault. If that can shatter my heart into million pieces, I can only imagine what he is feeling with his heart shattered into billion pieces. But we have really loved each other and been there for each other through thick and thin! For all of 16 years! Even before we knew what adulthood meant. I really hope our relationship gets a genuine chance to be salvaged.

I know that it doesn’t feel this way, but healing can happen no matter the outcome. You just have to say "I am worth it"

You have made some bad decisions. Yes. But this is an opportunity for you to learn from that and become a better version of yourself. Your healing is contingent on no one but you.

@hikingout - thank you so much for this! Hope I am able to see this through

Take this opportunity to take a deep dive and figure out who you are, who you want to be, and the road to get there.

Focus on healing. You never know what the future may hold.

@WalkinOnEggshelz - Yes, I have embarked on this long journey ahead. It is scary and extremely hurtful.

I sent my husband that letter today. It went on for 12 pages. I don't think he has read it yet. However, I was remembering a common friend of ours today and I just wanted to check on them and see how they were. I found out my husband had picked them up from the airport today. I casually asked did he tell you guys about what he has brought up. They said "yeah, he told us that he discussed it with you". "It" meaning divorce. I broke down hearing that. When my husband had walked out after that D conversation, after a lot of talking, begging and pleading, he had said that he was going to think about it. If he is discussing this with people, does it mean he has actually made up his mind and not really thinking?
When I last asked him if he had made up his mind, he said no. I am just feeling extremely miserable and haven't stopped breaking down since. What does this really mean? Am I driving myself crazy with not much basis or is my hysteria legit?

It means he is thinking of divorce. Which is information you already have. It doesn’t change anything at all. Divorce is a common thought of someone who has just found out their spouse was cheating.

Look, nome of us has a crystal ball. The best thing you can do is work on yourself. This will both prepare you should he consider coming back, and prepare you if he doesn’t. It’s your best option. Have you thought about why you did it? I mean you were having an affair for years, so this was a long series of decisions.

The answers should be about you. Were you unhappy at the time the affair started. Why? Most people who cheat feel entitled to the extra, what drove that entitlement.

The longer you worry about what he is going to do that longer you are going to be in this state of anxiety and shame. Nothing will grow in that state. You can’t control his reactions or decisions. What are you doing to help self soothe?