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For the record, I am reconciled and happy 6 years later. But, a friend of mine recently had a D day and as she is venting to me she says "I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy." I had heard the same phrase before. My thoughts then and now were really? Am I the only one who feels differently? I’d certainly wish that kind of pain on my husband’s affair partner and I’d have wished it on him in the beginning. 🤷‍♀️ That phrase just puzzles me. Is it just me?

It's a figure of speech, obviously, but I think it's an apt way of expressing how nothing compares to the pain of infidelity, including whatever grievances you might have with other people in the past. I don't think it's a statement that's intended to apply to the AP.

I would absolutely wish this particular pain on the AP. The fact that she felt this pain with her first H - and then inflicted it on me and tried to poach my H - is reprehensible. Based on her Pinterest, her current marriage is not a happy one. And she has fibromyalgia. And her D is a mess. And sometimes I feel shitty that I also feel schadenfreude that she lives in constant pain.

I think that phrase is born out of treating niceness and manners as moral virtues. In my own personal view, I see the Psalms have all kinds of language of the human heart screaming out for justice and punishment for their enemies. I’m not going to act on it, but I feel no guilt over my feelings of wishing justice on POSOM, and justice would look like an eye for an eye, trauma for trauma. And I’m glad that I have a belief that God will see to all of it in the end.

[This message edited by InkHulk at 8:27 PM, Wednesday, February 21st]

You allowed your enemies to persist long enough to warrant this?

Please excuse the T/J - hi notthevictim, it’s good to see you. I am a little disappointed I didn’t find a fart joke in any of these posts. You are slipping!

I haven’t been in much, but I am sorry to see your wife passed.

End T/J

Notthevictim,
I am not sure what you mean by allowing them to persist, but I suspect you mean still bother me? If it’s that then the answer is no. I give them little to no headspace. Hearing my friends pain and her making that statement just puzzled me. Now if you’re asking if a magic genie came down and offered me no wishes but gave me the option of AP to be sentenced to this pain or not……. I would not go with not. 🤷‍♀️

Inkhulk, I like putting it in terms of justice vs a wish. 👍

Picking up on the idea of wishing the trauma and pain of infidelity on the AP, I cannot help thinking on discovery that my WW's AP certainly deserved a great deal of pain, and although I would have liked to have been the instrument of the pain the philandering predator of younger women suffered, that fickle beyotch KARMA took care of it.I used to think that I would have enjoyed challenging his license to practice medicine, had I known of his bedroom activities with my certainly far from innocent WW, yet an aggressive prostate cancer with its attendant level of intense groin pain culminating in a very early death has changed my mind. WW says he elected to do penance by not seeking treatment, and as a physician he certainly knew the inevitable outcome of that choice. So I am left in a strange Limbo state where I feel empathy towards the man, who with my WW, almost destroyed my marriage and proof that nothing good ever results from indulging in infidelity.

I would say no you are not alone.

I have come to a place where I just don’t really give my husbands AP any headspace. She has had a harder life and she looked at mine, knew we were having issues and saw an opportunity. I did have a really good life and it’s on me for not appreciating it. I feel like Noone really comes out of these things unscathed. Besides, o don’t really think in the scheme of things that I am one to really talk.

But I did hate her for a long time. I think sometimes it is just a matter of where you are in your own journey. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to hate someone, and I think an AP would be rightfully so. But I do think karma finds us all.

I wouldn't wish the pain of infidelity on anyone. I never had much anger towards the AP, he was a stranger, reached out to me, apologized, and assured me he would never have contact with her again. I turned my anger towards my WW but I would not want her to feel this pain either.

I left a job on good terms, but the guy that replaced me blamed all his failures on me for 2 years after I was gone. He was bad mouthing me and harming my reputation in our industry. I prayed for Karma, I wanted him to get his. A couple of years later he got fired in a very public and embarrassing way, it completely ruined his reputation. After that happened it didn't feel as good as I always imagined it would. I did not enjoy his demise and I'm thankful for that.

Oddly, I truly don’t wish the pain I’ve experienced on anyone. I don’t think it’s because I’m particularly virtuous or altruistic; it’s more that extending that level of misery to anyone else feels sad and depressing. My husband’s AP had no regard for me—she wanted me lied to, and she was primarily concerned with saving her own ass at my considerable expense. She was also completely convinced that she was the main victim in all that went down, despite the long trail of deceit and lies and infidelity and immorality she left in her wake. I still feel flashes of anger at her, and many times I’ve wished she had some true sense of how she and my husband utterly wrecked me. But I don’t actually wish her harm or pain. There’s so much pain in the world that I have a hard time wishing more on anyone, no matter how much I dislike or despise them.

[This message edited by Grieving at 3:08 AM, Thursday, February 22nd]

For the record, I am reconciled and happy 6 years later. But, a friend of mine recently had a D day and as she is venting to me she says "I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy." I had heard the same phrase before. My thoughts then and now were really? Am I the only one who feels differently? I’d certainly wish that kind of pain on my husband’s affair partner and I’d have wished it on him in the beginning. 🤷‍♀️ That phrase just puzzles me. Is it just me?

I completely understand you. After D day I wished dearly that the ex AP would find her happiness away from my husband and our family, I hoped that she would win the lottery and would want to move to Australia or India.

When I saw that she continued to send messages to my husband and they kept in touch I just started to wish her the worst and guess what? She has had cancer in the meanwhile and I was not sorry at all, actually I hoped she would die. Nope, she has recovered and is boasting her full health. It has been the first time in my life that I have had very big feelings of hatred for someone. I thought it was not something I would ever experience but hey ho, I am a good woman but I am human, too.

I hate betrayals and I hate it affected our lives. It's been 4 years for us.