SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

filled the gaping hole with pain and sadness

When you get one of those waves of sadness come on, maybe you remembered something from the past, get in the habit of trying to watch that pain and sadness nonjudgmentally. Note it, see where it arises from, don’t engage with it. Don’t follow it down the rabbit hole, don’t let it lead you (like it is trying to). Just see it. It takes time and practice to do this when it pops up. You will fail, but you’ll also have successes.

The ultimate goal is to realize that you are actually the person that is doing the watching, not the one that is ruminating about and feeling the past pain.

Sending strength!

Polfing2023...ahhh...Batman...a little bit of brightness in a whole lot of darkness...I like it ! I am going to age myself...but I LOVED the Batman series with Adam West as Batman !! And DANG...catwoman was just AMAZING!!

Grieving...slow and steady progress worked for ME . I wanted it to go a LOT faster at times though ! I had read a quote once from Ernest Hemingway...The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. It sounds very simple...but making that leap is so much HARDER!

It’s more like I used to love to crochet, but then my hands got cut off. The stumps are healed over, but that doesn’t mean I can crochet when someone tries to give me yarn and a hook. In fact, it just makes me sad; I’d rather not be reminded of crocheting because it’s not something I can do anymore.

This is where the positivity part came in for me . That is why I wrote about how I didn't look at what I couldn't do anymore...like have a monogamous M...but at what I could do...which is have an authentic M. YES...I could D my H and get married AGAIN...for the 3rd time...and have a monogamous M...until MAYBE that H cheats on me too? I am 2 for 2 so far in cheating husbands !! BUT...there's always a BUT ...my H has really become the H I am worthy of . I know what my H is capable of...but I also know that he has worked so HARD to overcome that WEAK person he was and become the authentic person he is NOW. NOW is what counts !

I know a person who works in IT...who is a computer WHIZ!! Sadly...they were badly burned in a fire . They are alive...and even though they have their hands...they lost most of their fingers . They have learned to use their nubs on their hands...and can type faster than I can now . It was so PAINFUL at first...excruciatingly hard to do and to watch them doing it . But they DID IT! I would fix their plate for them to eat...they did NOT like that and let me know very quickly to STOP! I just knew I would be having to mop up food all over the floor...but that wasn't the case at all.

They have learned to ADAPT to their new situation . You know how I am always talking about ADAPT versus ACCEPT ?! Well this person is one shining example of that ! I APPLAUD this person for having overcome their trauma. I APPLAUD all of us for overcoming ours too . Just look at that yarn and hook again Dear Lady . If you REALLY want to crochet again...how can you adapt? Use your toes??? Your mouth??? A prosthetic hand? I am not making light of this...but just showing that when we quit focusing on what we DON'T have anymore...we can then be open to the possibility of what we DO have to work with .

ETA: BTW...Thank You for turning the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" page over to page 30 with your last post !! That made my day!!!

[This message edited by Want2BHappyAgain at 3:17 PM, Thursday, March 21st]