I'm kind of shocked there would be posters here who saw this and didn't immediately validate your feelings that it's cheating. Because this is cheating.
Private messages on SM commenting on a woman’s breast or bottom. An OF account. Suddenly non stop talking about a new woman at work. Disappearing messages set up on messenger.
Your husband sent a woman a DM about her breasts. That's sexual harassment, and it speaks of his gross lack of respect for women - both for you his wife, and the woman who he's messaging about her body parts like she's a cow about to be cut into steak. And if the account is a woman who encourages men to DM her about her body for money, your husband is engaging in sex work. Using your marital money.
If you don't want to be in a marriage in which your husband is either sexually harassing innocent women online and/or paying women to be sexual for and with him, then there's nothing on a recording that will give you more breadth of evidence than you have right now.
Your marriage counselor was wrong, and you know it, and your IC knows it - no wonder you're walking around feeling nonstop anxiety. You are being gaslit and you know it. It's not paranoia, you've seen evidence that it's true.
And I totally disagree that your husband - a grown man - somehow 'doesn't understand' that sexualizing women outside his marriage is wrong. Please. He's hiding it because he knows it's wrong. You know he's hiding it because he knows it's wrong.
It's not your paranoia but rather your intelligence telling you that your husband is violating your marriage. I know that it takes a while to come to terms with it and work out what you want to do about it, but let there be no mistake that what you described him doing is already grossly violating and wrong. You're not crazy. You are observant and you are being lied to. Your emotions are exactly reflecting that.
[This message edited by Sigyn at 4:17 PM, Sunday, April 14th]
