SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I seem to be obsessed with this show. I’m the BS, 18 mos out. Trying to reconcile. I was in a very dark place this whole time until a couple of weeks ago. What is wrong with me that I am into a show where everyone cheats on everyone? I watch it on my phone with AirPods so my family doesn’t know I’m watching it.

I wonder if it’s a version of reliving the trauma. To recreate the experience that caused it is a common thing. I am honestly impressed you can stomach it. First 12-18 months I couldn’t even watch anything that had a love arc, let alone anything about affairs.

Don’t judge yourself, if it’s something that helps you process things then it is. There is nothing wrong with you, you were betrayed in the absolute worst possible way and if this helps you work through it, there is nothing wrong with it. I mean this sincerely, watching a tv show is about as harmless as it gets.

It will get better, be kind to yourself and embrace the things that help you grow and work towards healing, especially something as harmless as a show.

I’m still trying to wrap my brain around why/how someone can betray their partner/spouse. In some weird way the show is helping me process what happened to me. I’m able to better understand that my H’s betrayal really didn’t have anything to do with me. It’s his issue to work through, and it goes back to his FOO issues. And even though it’s a TV show it sheds some light on what life is like post-divorce with young kids. At the end of the day I’m realizing that whether I stay or go, I will always feel the pain of betrayal. I really wish WH had just called it quits instead of cheating. I could have had a different life and I wouldn’t be jaded.

I’m still trying to wrap my brain around why/how someone can betray their partner/spouse.

You're applying logic to an illogical situation and it more than likely won't make sense to you. It takes somebody with a totally different way of thinking than you have and then they allow some mental gymnastics to take place. Of course, some are psychopaths/sociopaths/NPD and that's a whole 'nuther issue.

You may also find some good information in the ICR forum on the BS questions for WS thread. It took me a long time before I could read in the wayward forum. If you aren't triggered, read some of the threads there. There are a couple of pinned posts there, and two by DaddyDom that are good - The process of discovering our true Whys and Admitting it vs. Getting it vs. Owning it vs. Living it. Be careful so you don't get triggered because some of the newbies are very wayward in their thinking.

I haven't watched the show, so I can't give my opinion. I still have a tendency to say bad words out loud when infidelity is in a storyline on a show.