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I just recently found out that my boyfriend cheated on me two months after we found out that I was pregnant. We have not been together very long (I am 7 months pregnant and we have only been together for 9) and he cheated with another pregnant woman. During the time he was going through a lot (was put on leave from his job, had just went through a divorce a few months prior, had a drinking problem, just found out his gf of 2 months was pregnant, etc.). But to me this is not an excuse. I found out about this through a friend who had connections to the girl he slept with, I friended her on Facebook and she messaged me almost immediately apologizing and telling me that she had no clue that he had a gf and def didn’t know he had a baby on the way. I confronted him about it and he denied it. I knew that it was the truth because her story was just too real and she had no reason to lie to me. He did. I told him that I knew that it was the truth and he continued to deny it. He then got plastered and texted his ex wife. I found out that he texted his ex wife because her husband (very new relationship) reached out to a mutual friend and told her to let me know that this had happened. I confronted him about it and he seemed sorry and apologetic, but couldn’t give me a reason why he did it other that "I was drunk and I miss my old life and all of the things that I had." When he was with her they had money, a paid for house, no kids, and 400 acres to do whatever they wanted to with. Now we live with my parents until we can afford another living situation. Since they split he has moved away from his family for me and said that he wanted a fresh start. But misses his old life? On top of it all, I got the information that the girl he cheated with has HSV2… which now I feel like my child is at risk because I didn’t know and have slept with him unprotected since. This is how I got him to admit to sleeping with her because I explained how dangerous that could be for our child. He claims he wants to change and that he will do anything to prove it to me. Getting on meds, getting into church, stop drinking, and go to couples counseling. But I feel like if he wanted to change, he would’ve already. And he sure wouldn’t have texted his ex wife when I found out about him sleeping with someone else. Oh and on top of all of this, we found out about a month after he slept with her that our child has Spina Bifida, and I have sense then went through a 6 hour MAJOR surgery to try to give my child the best chance possible at a normal life. I just feel like he would have more respect for me even after all of that to not do this to me. I want to be able to get past it because I want a family for my child. But we are not together right now and we won’t be unless he can show me that he can change. I just don’t know how I am supposed to get past this type of hurt.

Hi, I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Especially while pregnant when your hormones are raging.

How old is your bf? Gently, it sounds as though he is very immature and self-centered. It also seems he didn't feel he was in a committed relationship with you just a couple of months into your relationship.

He has a pregnant girlfriend and cheats on you with another woman who is pregnant?

Honestly, I think you get past the hurt by removing this man child from your life.

As soon as your daughter is born (check with an attorney to find out if you can file sooner), I'd file for child support.

He not only cheated on you, he put your child's life at risk, he drinks too much, he contacted his ex wife, cheated with a pregnant woman and was let go from his job? Why was he put on leave from his job.

It sounds as though you have very supportive parents, I would rely on them to help you move through this heartbreak. If you were my daughter, I'd advise you to run and never look back.

He has shown you repeatedly who he is, please believe him. So sorry!

Consider finding a good counselor for yourself to help you push through the hurt. You and your daughter deserve a stable man who is willing to be faithful.

Welcome to SI and I'm sorry that you're joining us. In the JFO (Just Found Out) forum, there are some pinned posts at the top and some in the forum with bull's eye icons that are recommended reading for new members. The Healing Library has a lot of great resources, including the list of acronyms we use.

If you can, IC (individual counseling) with a betrayal trauma specialist can be helpful. Your WBF (wayward boyfriend) needs IC to dig into his whys and to work on becoming a safe partner. Quitting drinking should also be a requirement. Frankly, waywards usually don't put in the work, but it can be done. Do you know if he cheated on his ex? If he truly wants to do the work, then he should read How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda MacDonald. Even though it's based on married couples, it can be applicable for people in committed relationships.

Please don't do couples counseling (CC) at this time. Your relationship didn't cheat - your WBF did. Many of the CC therapists can subtly shift the blame to you. You are not responsible for his decision to cheat. Cheating isn't a mistake or a mess up. It is a series of choices made to lie and betray.

If you have trouble sleeping or with anxiety, please ask your doctor if there are any meds that may help you but not be passed through the placenta. I am so sorry that you were exposed to HSV2.

Congratulations on the baby.

How are you doing today, girlmom.

Thinking about you.

Girlmom, you have enough on your plate with being pregnant with a child who will likely have lifelong health challenges and severe disabilities... you do not need to add a drunk, cheating, unemployed man-child to the list of your worries.

He moved in with you and your parents, correct? So basically, his first course of action after you discovered he was cheating was to contact his previous meal ticket-- his ex-wife. What a prize this guy is.