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I don’t know if this has been spoken about here as I can’t find a search button. If it has, please guide me toward the post 😊

Has anyone here had a postnup drawn up after their spouse’s affair? If so, what are your thoughts on post nuptual agreements? Do you have any advice on what to make sure to include or any other helpful tips?

I’m pretty committed to getting one. There’s nothing new going on - I have no suspicions about current affairs and haven’t for some time. My original D-Days were in 2010. BUT, my husband did tell me, a few years ago, about another affair that happened 15 years ago and there’s been other things I’ve found out about along the way. He’s never confessed to anything on his own, including the most recent time. He says I now know it all. I have no way of knowing if that’s true, but based on history, it’s not. Who knows though? And I’m done looking.

Anyway, it’s suddenly come to me that a postnup might be a really good idea. I haven’t healed from finding out about new events again and again and again and I don’t trust him, but realistically am not going anywhere right now. I’ve explained to my husband that since he withheld information every single time we went to marriage counseling, the marriage counselor(s) and I didn’t know everything he’d done (but he sure did), the counseling wasn’t honest or done in good faith and our marriage couldn’t be rebuilt on a solid foundation. Every time I found out something new, boom another D-Day. He says he doesn’t agree with my assessment about all the marriage counseling, but he’s a very intelligent man and I can’t imagine he really doesn’t see my point.

It’s complicated. There’s a ton of good that goes with what I’ve described above or else I would be long gone by now. But you just never know what’s going to happen in the future, on his end or mine. A postnup is something I wish I’d thought of years ago, but better late than never… I think so anyway, which is why I’m asking for opinions.

Thank you!

You have to make sure anything that goes in it is legal. He needs to have his own lawyer independently look at it too.

I asked for one after my wife’s affair. You’ll hear a lot of conflicting opinions from people as to how enforceable they are. What I found is you have to find out what your local courts are doing. My job puts me in contact with a lot of attorneys who handle divorces. They all agreed that post nups are generally upheld in my county. I had one drafted by my attorney and then my wife reviewed it with her own attorney. It was signed and then tucked away. I haven’t had to test it. I think they only thing I would have done different is I would have told my wife what I wanted it to say, then have her go to an attorney to have it drafted. Then I sign it with my attorney. I’m not an attorney, but I feel like that would have made it stronger.

Make sure not to treat it like a punishment. To be enforceable it needs to be fair. I tried to make it be close to what I’d expect out of a fair divorce. I wanted it just so if she cheated again we would already have a plan for the division of assets.

One more thing, my wife had an unrealistic expectation of how well she would make out in a divorce. Too many TV shows and movies don’t reflect reality. She thought I would go live in a shack and she would keep everything and receive child support and alimony. The reality was much different. Not that I wanted her to stay for lifestyle reasons, but it did help her break away from the affair fantasy world.

Have a post nup. Financially protects me in case of D.

Some of the clauses no longer apply as kids have aged out of custody & child support issues.

I had it worded in case of D for any reason the post nup is valid and applies. D does not have to be for cheating. This way if I decided to D him, the post nup still is valid.