Update:
WH has shown me something he has been working on for about five months. It has been on his computer for this long, and he works on it every day.
It amounts to what I would call boundaries. He calls them his personal pillars of life. He says they are a draft, and will continue to evolve and grow.
I was really surprised. He has done a LOT of inner work that I had no idea about. It’s broken down into sections, love, sex, friendship, marriage, etc. He has created what is kind of a basic set of moral standards and boundaries, defining what "love" or "friendship" or each thing is, and how each has a role in making a person, and how life is strengthened through each.
(He has a section on porn and it is definitely negative, discussing how it is a destructive force and doesn’t support growth, love, etc. ). He wrote this all for himself, not exactly a journal, but more like a personal guide for living as he says "with respect for himself and his love".
He showed it to me because we began counseling again, and the counselor suggested we look at our boundaries again - something he really hadn’t fully done before with deep thought. I did, but he didn’t, because he kind of viewed them as rules for the relationship that I should make and he had to live with.
This document he shared really is like self-boundaries, if I have to describe it.
I’m………overwhelmed………
He began this right after DDay2. I had no idea.
It’s very impressive. He had kind of mentioned he was working on "stuff". But I guess when the counselor said he really needed to do this, he decided that he kind of has, and this was his answer to it.
We have another session tomorrow.
I’m feeling better. Maybe that guy can be found. I told him that’s what I wanted. He said, no, because I deserve a new man, one who is a much better version of "that guy".
Maybe there’s hope.
We shall see.
