SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hey y'all I just want to share a bit of validation I had today from a very nice fellow I met on Bumble. STBXH and I divided our finances at the end of March, so I decided to take a step and paid for one month of Bumble. Since we're in shelter-in-place it felt extra safe - could maybe get to know someone and take it really slow. So, I've been having lovely conversations with a very nice person for more than a week now, and today we briefly exchanged a sort of dusting of information about our spousal situations (he is also divorcing). I said that I had been separated since October, that I had kicked him out as a result of serial cheating. Kindly, but without missing a beat, the nice person said, "Oh, it's so hard to deal with narcissists." He immediately apologized for saying that - saying of course he doesn't know my ex and so on. But the thing is, he was spot on! It felt incredibly validating to have someone just go there immediately. He said that in his experience, every time he has found out that someone was a serial cheater, that person was also a narcisssist.

I don't know where this will go - we've only been in touch for about a week and of course we can't really act on anything right now. But that's okay! He's smart, and kind, and a good conversationalist - and he can recognize a narcissist! It's just about where I want to be.

(This comes a few days after STBHX sent me an email asking if I would reconsider the divorce and how much he loves me and blah, blah, blah, to which I responded, "I am no longer available.")

Good for you! It's amazing how once you're DONE, you can never go back. I don't think my STBXWH gets that. He also is sad and would take me back in a minute but I'm also DONE and moved on. I've been separated almost 2 years (waiting on D for financial reasons) and am in a relationship with a nice guy. It's so different, NOT being with a narcissist. You don't realize how bad it was until you're removed from it. I'm happy for you... I was married in 1988 so I get it.

Way to go! That sounds like a nice conversation to have and good to hear it was acknowledging of your situation.

Why do you feel that things need to proceed at a certain pace?

If it works for you, it works for you. No one else's opinion matters.

My SO and I have been together almost 10 years. We don't live together, and with the request to isolate, I haven't seen him since early March. I'm fine--we talk a LOT and we'll get through this.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Cat

Considering dating again. I’ve been divorced for almost 2 years and I’m still not sure if I’m ready! What's a dating app you would recommend? What’s Bumble? I have no single friends so I have no idea what I’m doing!

Kagey, Bumble has a pretty good reputation for a dating app. It's where the woman makes the first move. If you are a man, you are not sending countless messages that don't get returned. And if you are a woman, you are not reading through hundreds of (sometimes inappropriate) messages from men you have no interest in. From what I hear it's a time-saver. Personally, I haven't tried it.