SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

DD asked if we could go for a drive tonight.

Took the kids out into the hills, silent and a beautiful moon overhead. So grateful to have them, and was briefly seized with a terror-

I don’t ever want them to feel the pain their Mother suffers.

I know I’m so lucky to have them and know that they feel their father’s love. And I know I can’t shield them from the world.

And I can’t believe the grace FIL and MIL continue to afford me.

Grateful. Sad our lessons are so hard-learned.

Thank you for sharing this JBWD. Messages of hope, and regret, are always welcome and helpful. It is wonderful that you had some quality time with the kids, and that they feel loved by their father.

I did a real number on my kids with my infidelity and the damage done will likely be done forever. They saw me, and her, parading around like fools. They saw their mother's heart torn apart in front of them. They heard the fights, the screaming, the massive amounts of pain that echoed out through the bedroom door when we fought, and I know that they will now judge every relationship they have in life against those events. I would cut off an arm to take it all back, I really would.

Moving forward, the best thing we can do is be the person we weren't then. The loving father, someone who is willing to take accountability for his misdeeds and who is willing to do the oh-so-very-hard-work of repairing shattered lives and relationships. We show them how we put the pieces back together again with empathy, and authenticity, and vulnerability, and honesty. We put them before ourselves. And we pray it is enough to allow them to recover and rebuild as well.

Glad to see that your MIL/FIL have accepted R with you as well. It is a testament to the hard work and sacrifices you've put in already. I'm sorry you couldn't save the marriage (and you still never know, life is strange) but you can try and salvage your relationship with the kids, and with yourself.

I wish you the very best in your endeavors.

Thanks for the encouragement, as always!

In my down time today found an article about Elizabeth Bishop that cited the couplet of her own poetry that became her epitaph, it struck me deeply:

“All the untidy activity continues,

awful but cheerful.“

JB

It's very heartening as a BS to see that WSes do "get it" about the pain they caused.

Gratitude is a great healer.

So is hard work and actual repentance and it sounds like you genuinely are sorry. That is really heartening too.

We are all works in progress. Our pasts are in the review mirror. They are really and truly beyonce our control. What we can impact is our here and now.

Your mileage may vary, but I find true remorse and genuine apology with behavior change to be amazingly powerful.

Our futures are in the windshield.

Sending positive thoughts and wishes for continued joy and healing.

Thanks Shehawk. I have been feeling much deeper pain as we now have a settlement agreement in work, and it has been “uncorking” a lot of grief from my life. A thunderbolt of pain from losing a few good friends to an aircraft mishap almost 20 years ago(!) literally almost buckled my knees yesterday.

I am feeling this, and really feeling it as a member of a human race, as opposed to one person suffering. It helps to remember that we all experience pain, loss, disappointment, and can help each other through it instead of shutting it (and other people) out.

Unfortunately, life is full of difficult lessons. But we're only human and we all have our downfalls. I'm so glad you're learning to love your family the way they should be. I wish I could say I do the same, but I recently messed up myself, again. I can only hope that I learn to cherish the moments with my wife again, if she will take me back. Pray for me, brother.

Thanks Josh I will. Please note that you offered me a bit of grace that you then denied yourself a sentence later!

We are all human- We carry a great mark of divine but it gets fouled a LOT- The only really horrible thing one can do is resign themself to that fouling, and accept it as OK.

We will never attain perfection but we CAN make ourselves better than we were yesterday, and that is well worth our effort!