SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello everyone!  I have been reading these forums off and on since 2013 and joined in 2016 but I haven't posted much.  That's a lot of years of false reconciliations and abuse.  I tried everything, I played the pick me dance for years, I did and read everything online and every book I could find trying to save my marriage and "fix" myself.  I even got him to join here and was so hopeful that he would get some good advice and finally wake up.  He didn't, he came on here victimizing himself and making me sound like a monster.  Of course most wise commenters saw right through his BS and gave him great advice but it wasn't what he wanted to hear so he picked them apart saying things like, "did you see what his name is on there? What a joke!" Or that person "cheated more than I did so it doesn't matter what they say".

Anyways, I am not sure what is pulling me back here to post and read again.  I finally filed for divorce in Oct 2020.  We were still living in the same home so I gave him his divorce papers myself trying to be nice, he refused to sign them. Emptied our bank account the very next morning and then was mad at me because we didnt have the money in our account to pay the bills.  I was a SAHM until a month prior to filing and he decided we were splitting the bills and mortgage 50/50 and he wasn't moving out.  I had to file for an emergency hearing for support and to get him to move out.  I had to continue to live with him for 3 more months but he was ordered to begin paying temporary support immediately which only angered him more.  We live in a no fault state so when I filed I didn't mention the cheating or the abuse because it didn't matter and I was hoping for as nice of a divorce as possible.  His response to the courts was horrendous and made me sound like the biggest piece of garbage so that ended quickly.  Since filing he has fought every single thing down to the value of our internet routers dragging it out as much as possible all the while blaming the long drawn out process on me because he claims he didn't want to spend money on lawyers and we could have done it without (We have 2 kids and multiple properties so there is no way we could have done it without, even if he wasn't uncooperative).  Recently he asked if we could try to reach an agreement between ourselves to end this.  So on my lawyers advice we did reach a verbal agreement.  Now that it is time to make the agreement legal he is fighting it because 60 days is to much time for me to get a rental property that currently has a tenant on the market.  He said his "whole life is on hold waiting on me" (poor baby, always the victim) while I pick up the pieces, care for our 2 children as I have primary custody, work and manage our marital home as well as rental properties.  As much work as it all is, even with our divorce battle still ongoing, as I prepare to sell everything that we worked so hard to build, as I struggle to pay the bills...I am so much happier.  I feel strong and resilient and am slowly getting back to the person I was 24 years ago before this jerk walked into my life as a teenager and beat me down into a ball of mush.  He still tries to manipulate me and bully me but it doesn't affect me anymore.  I am so close to the other side of all of this and so excited to see what life will hold for my children and myself in the next chapter.  I have learned to let go and to trust myself and my abilities.  Change and growth is so hard and scary but also so amazing.

I think I just wanted to tell my story.  He tells everyone that will listen that "she just decided she didn't want to be married anymore" but leaves out the serial cheating and abuse.  I don't feel the need to tell anyone anything or defend myself.  I will be honest when asked but prefer not bring myself down to his level I guess.  Anyways, thanks for being my audience and a safe place to tell my story and share my excitement!

AWESOME post...thanks so much for sharing !!

I remember that feeling so WELL when I started divorce proceedings against my 1st H. It has been almost 40 years since that time...and that feeling still feels exhilarating!!! One of the BEST things I ever did for me and my child !!!

Here's to YOU feeling this way for a long time too !!!

You rock!!

Congratulations! You are getting out of infidelity! Way to go!!

Way to go! You will feel so much better when you don't have to deal with his drama.