SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My story is in JFO. I've made a lot of big moves in the past few months- saying no more to the lies and deception, moving out of the house, out of my hometown, getting a new full time job to support myself (the original plan was to retire with my husband in a year or two). Nothing is the same and I feel angry, depressed, deceived, lonely, and just about every other negative emotion. I don't know how long it takes to recover from something like this- particularly when I was in a 35+ year marriage from the time I was quite young. I am just reaching out for ideas on how to get through this time when everything is so overwhelming and I feel like there is no hope that I will ever feel happy again.

Others will be along with more thorough recommendations, but the book The Journey from Abandonment to Healing has been quite helpful. You have been through many changes during an already turbulent time.

Congratulations on taking very strong and difficult steps forward for yourself. You’ve been around the site for a long time, so you know the general message. Are you in IC?

Please make sure that you are getting rest and drinking plenty of water. Exercise too. You mention your small support network, also very important.

The dreaded time is what is the most difficult in looking to heal. Is there something new that you can take on….in addition to a new job (also congratulations!). Even a home project, sharpen a second language, dance class, etc. I’m looking into taking a few billiard lessons, I’ve always liked pool, just not that skilled at it!

You will have good and bad times in the future. But you are strong and deserve happiness. Try to keep busy but allow yourself time to feel and grieve the losses. You can do this.

☮️

[This message edited by AnnieOakley at 12:35 AM, July 29th (Thursday)]

I understand.

35 years married, 40 years together. Every adult memory I have includes him. He broke me, but I'm putting myself back together into someone he has lost the privilege of knowing.

I chose to go back to school when the marriage ended in 2017. After many years of staying home with three children I became a CNA, then an LPN and now an RN. I love my new career. It is not how I envisioned my life at 62, but it's MY life and it's great. I learn something new every single day. How many of those our age can say that?

It's never too late to do anything you want, you dont have to answer to anyone!! Have new dreams, make new goals. What do YOU want?

In the meantime, take care of yourself.

The others are right — time, and a conscious effort to build a new life. Not all in a day, but you really do get to do what you want now. I went back and got my graduate degree at 54.

It’s hard to build new habits, but it is also kinda awesome. Join a gym, try yoga, get a pet, become a house plant fanatic, learn to crochet, try meet-up groups, volunteer for every summer weekend festival or event, walk everywhere, make a list of museums and go to them all over the next year.

IC helped me, too. Helped me rediscover ME. Who I had lost in my 25 year relationship.

There will be hard days, no doubt. But it really truly gets better.