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Divorce/Separation :
I told my mother-in-law off yesterday

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 12:52 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

OK. So you guys know kind of a wimp about leaving WH. It’s been dragging on. Well we were supposed to see the in-laws in a few days. We have not seen them in three years. And they have never met our newest child who is not quite two.

WH has two sisters, their families, and mother-in-law and his sort of nuclear family. He also has some cousins and their families who are pretty close to him. They grew up together.

Mother-in-law and sisters in law go to a Lakehouse every summer for the past few years. We are not invited. I have asked if we can come, they say there’s no room. But even before they rented that Lakehouse we weren’t included in the times that they rented a hotel rooms in the resort area.

The last time we went up there, 2018, my daughter was invited to stay at the house with everybody, however my son was not. I let my daughter stay, she asked one of her aunts for a blanket, the aunt said oh it’s so hot you don’t need one. And snuggled up under her own blanket and went to sleep.

My kids have mentioned before how big kind of feel left out, or how grandma favors the other grandchildren.

Our trip up there was only going to be three days, because my sisters in law and their husbands decided to take another family trip. One month after the last family trip. I asked if we could go to that one, it’s my sister-in-law‘s Richard house in the Hamptons. It’s huge and it’s trying to be sold for $2.5 million. They said again there was no room. So in effect we are being kicked out after three days. My children have not seen their grandmother or cousins in three years, and they are going to leave three days and to our proposed visit.

I was calling mother-in-law to see you know what was up with that. Long story short I started laughing and I said you know I’m not gonna get in between my husband and his sisters I have my own sisters. This is what my family said where they said don’t marry that boy their families different than ours. Mother-in-law shot back well your family is a lot different than ours too.

21 years of being fucking pissed off and not saying anything came out. Nothing I said was a lie. I did not say anything wrong, I did not call names. I told the truth. When she said your family is a lot different than ours too. I said yes they have morals.

She said what does that mean we have morals to. I said no you don’t. If you had morals you would not have invited OW1 on vacation with you. She said that was the only way I got to see my grandkids if if she came. I said I don’t think that’s true. However if it is that’s your pretty weak. And I did say she was weak and had no morals. I also said I just want my kids to be treated with kindness by your family and in the past they had not.

She was upset that I said she had no morals. And she said I have morals. I said no you down I said tell me one time when you have shown an ounce of morality? She said I don’t have to prove anything to you. I said you don’t but you know I’m right. She said no you’re not goodbye.

My sister-in-law immediately texted WH and said your wife called mom a nut. When she is a nut. I told my husband I never said that, it’s not words that I use. I don’t tell people not to call them crazy. But not nuts and I never called your mom. She also said if we showed up Saturday on our planned trip that she would call the sheriff and have us removed from her mothers doorstep.

His other sister called me, I did not answer the phone, and she said when are you gonna learn to stop picking on my mother. We love my brother and the kids, they are welcome to at my house but you aren’t. You are not invited to my home and you’re not invited to my mothers home and you’re not to go there.

OK.

WH is livid he threw a piece of pizza at my head last night. He laughed and said congratulations on your baby. I am not pregnant, I have diet stasis adamant physical therapy for it. And it’s a very sore subject. He texted many of my friends and said can you believe with God I did? She’s a horrible person stop being her friend.

If what I said was not true, it would not hurt.

I don’t feel badly at all about saying what I did. I’m actually pretty proud, that I didn’t bring up that I found out some things about her family doing genealogy research. Example mother-in-law has given a cousin a very hard time about having a baby at wedlock recently. I found through genealogy that her grandparents got married in 1926. Her mother was born in 1921. I don’t believe she knows this. I also did not Curse or call her any expletives. I was very calm and said my family has morals and yours doesn’t. Which I stand by 150%.

I find it extremely ironic that she tolerated OW want to see the grandkids. However she won’t tolerate me to see the grandkids. I am a nice person. I do nice things for people, I am a good person. Part of why I stayed with WH so long, it’s because I’m a good person and I see the good in people. I was standing up for myself. I was not being unduly cool. I think it’s pretty shitty to plan a family vacation with two of your children and their families, not invite your third child and his family, and to say oh well we can only see you for three days because we’re going on a weeklong vacation to your sister‘s house that she has rented until October. They can change their dates, they can invite us, they could’ve done a lot of things to make this work, if they had wanted to. They did not.

I thought to myself yesterday a lot of people have exit affairs. I think I just had an exit telling my mother-in-law off. I talked to a police officer last night at 10:30 PM after my husband hit me in the head with a second slice of pizza. And asked him how I can get my husband out of the house. I have a name of a police officer that I have to talk to today. I am fucking paralyzed with fear. However I don’t see how I can stay in the same house with my husband anymore. With him screaming calling me names throwing food at me calling me names like pregnant and fat.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 6:57 AM, July 29th (Thursday)]

posts: 3839   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8679432
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Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 1:24 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

Wow, I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Your STBXWH's family seem like a great ex-family to no longer be a part of. I cannot imagine a family treating a son, grandkids, nieces/nephews that way. I am lucky to be part of a very tight-knit extended family, and even when someone didn't like someone's partner, they were still always included (including my XWW!).

I hope the authorities can help you out and you find a good attorney.

posts: 1593   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2015   ·   location: Maryland
id 8679435
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 Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 1:45 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

Thank you. I already have an attorney to, and a separation agreement that’s been signed.

posts: 3839   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8679437
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psychmom ( member #47498) posted at 1:56 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

I read your post and want to tell you that you ARE a good person who does not deserve to be treated as you are by your H and his family. I also can’t understand the cruelty in denying your children time with their cousins and grandmother. I’m sorry for all you’re dealing with. It does sound like you’ve had enough of their nonsense and are ready to walk away from their toxic drama. All the best to you, gottagetthrough.

BS (me); fWH (both 50+; married 20 yr at the time; 2 DD DDay 1- 9/13/2014 (EA)- 3+ yrsDDay 2- 10/24/2014(PA2)-July'14-Sept'14DDay 3- 11/12/2014(PA1)-Oct-Feb '14Reconciled

posts: 4271   ·   registered: Apr. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Land of Renewed Peace of Mind
id 8679441
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:05 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

Get him out of your house now, or get out.

This is so harmful for your kids to see hear and witness. Make sure you tell them today that you are ok, and that you will not tolerate being hit in any way.

This may be the impetus for change that you need. Please stop listening to his words. You know he is broken, and you know he is abusive, and you know he has to make others feel belittled to feel better about himself. Please take action today. You and your kids deserve so much more.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20302   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8679443
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little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 2:07 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

I hope this means you're finally done with him and his toxic family. Get him out and move on with your life!!!

((((Gotta))))

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5633   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 8679444
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 Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 2:49 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

I felt like i was standing up for my self and kids. Wh wven said in feb 2020 that he was bff with ow2 (an EA) because she was the family he didnt have anymore. He said to my aister in march, hope your husband is ok (he had surgery and called to check) You guys are really all the family i have

Sil 2 has not talked to wh in two years. Never a card, call or gift to our baby number 3

And they are saying im picking on Mil?

If this was me, i would say, “ i had no idea you felt that way, lets work this out”

I know they are NOT like me and dont care.

What hurts is wh is not taking up for me AT ALL. He said he only said ow2 was his family now that his sisters dropped him because i made him believe that his sister didnt like him. Everything is my fault

I sort of believe it now.

But what am i supposed to do, i dont feel like they treat my kids equally and yeah, im still salty that ow1 was invited to the hamptons and i am not. I am not an adulterer. I dont abuse drugs (ow 1 did). Seriously!!!!! I am

The wife!

And wh never took up for me. Like he did ow 1

posts: 3839   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8679452
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 3:04 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

Talking to a police officer, about removing him from your house is a great step in the right direction. Now,please follow through, and have him removed.

I know you are worried about a scene. But, the chances of that are very small. They will come inside the house, tell him to leave,and if he refuses, they will handcuff him, and take him to their squad car.

You can even ask them to come at midnight, so the neighbors won't see.

I don't know. You've been done with him,and the family, before, but you always walk it back.

Please don't do that this time.

Of course his family is crazy and horrible. He is horrible.

Why do you want your kids to have anything to do with a family that clearly wants nothing to do with them? They are toxic. Poison to your children. Dangerous. The kids see that they aren't treated the same. It makes them wonder what's wrong with them.

Cut ties. Tell the kids they are toxic, and you are sorry,but its your job to protect them from harmful people.

Please have him removed. Yes, it was pizza, not a fist. Makes no difference. He was physically abusive to you last night. You must get him out, and divorce him. You have no choice.

[This message edited by HellFire at 9:05 AM, July 29th (Thursday)]

But you are what you did
And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive
The smallest man who ever lived..

posts: 6819   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8679457
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 3:19 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

Cut ties. Tell the kids they are toxic, and you are sorry,but its your job to protect them from harmful people.

Please have him removed. Yes, it was pizza, not a fist. Makes no difference. He was physically abusive to you last night. You must get him out, and divorce him. You have no choice.

This. This. This.

And the awful things he says to you? About your body after bearing his children? Holy crap. (My stbx did the same.)

Gotta, you MUST cut him and his horrible family out of your and your children's lives. Give your kids a chance at happiness and good mental health.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4524   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8679461
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 3:19 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

Cut ties. Tell the kids they are toxic, and you are sorry,but its your job to protect them from harmful people.

Please have him removed. Yes, it was pizza, not a fist. Makes no difference. He was physically abusive to you last night. You must get him out, and divorce him. You have no choice.

This. This. This.

And the awful things he says to you? About your body after bearing his children? Holy crap. (My stbx did the same.)

Gotta, you MUST cut him and his horrible family out of your and your children's lives. Give your kids a chance at happiness and good mental health.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4524   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8679462
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:55 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

I get being scared of a 'scene'. I do.

But.

If anyone looks squiggly-eyed at you, stand up straight, look them right in the eye, and tell them you're taking out the cheating trash that is your wh. I maybe can't speak for everyone, but if I witnessed that and the BW told me why the wh was being removed from the house by the police, I would look at her as a total fucking badass. And regardless - whatever your neighbors want to think is on them, not on you. you don't have to justify or explain yourself to anyone.

He will be the one making a scene I can almost 100% guarantee you. Just remain calm and let the popo do their thing.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3920   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8679473
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stubbornft ( member #49614) posted at 4:11 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

Oh no. The subject of this should be "my husband assaulted me".

Oh I am really worried about you.

Can you go stay with family while you are getting this idiot out of your home?

Please please get away from him.

Me: BS 40 Him: WS 51 He cheated with massage parlor sex workersDday 01/19/2021
Kicked him out in 2021 - life is better on the other side. Moved on with the help of a wonderful therapist.

posts: 852   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   ·   location: TX
id 8679480
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stubbornft ( member #49614) posted at 4:18 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

My WS was starting to be emotionally abusive to me and it was easier to see it once he was gone. You need to be physically away from him, for your safety and also to let clarity in to you mind.

I am so sorry for the night you had. I wish I could hug you & help you. Please make today's focus to get physical space between you, you cannot be in the same house with him.

Hitting you with anything is physical abuse.

Mocking your weight is emotional abuse.

You are not safe. You have to be safe, that is the only thing to focus on right now, today.

Me: BS 40 Him: WS 51 He cheated with massage parlor sex workersDday 01/19/2021
Kicked him out in 2021 - life is better on the other side. Moved on with the help of a wonderful therapist.

posts: 852   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   ·   location: TX
id 8679485
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 8:18 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

Your H is not your problem.

His family is not your problem. Permanently. You know that.

These people have issues on top of issues. You know that too.

For your own sanity you need to focus on you and your children. Once you are away from the in- laws your life will be better.

Redirect your energy elsewhere. Make a commitment to never talking about the in-laws. Never. Ever.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 6:40 AM, July 30th (Friday)]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14242   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8679548
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rugswept ( member #48084) posted at 10:31 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

I stopped reading. All of those people are dead. They don't exist. There's no reason to try carrying on with dead people.

You're great. Ignore them all. You're done.

R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.

posts: 1009   ·   registered: Jun. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: Northeast US
id 8679593
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 8:44 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2021

Gotta honey how are you?

Do you see that he is abusing you?

What actions did you take, and how are you holding up?

We all care about you, and want nothing more for you to come out of this like the Ugly Duckling becoming the beautiful swan. We want for you to be happy, and healthy, and your kids to be healthy and happy, and for you to be able to say "I am so glad I am on my own. We are all so much happier."

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20302   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8679954
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stubbornft ( member #49614) posted at 9:55 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2021

Checking in on you, too! Let us know how you are. We care.

Me: BS 40 Him: WS 51 He cheated with massage parlor sex workersDday 01/19/2021
Kicked him out in 2021 - life is better on the other side. Moved on with the help of a wonderful therapist.

posts: 852   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   ·   location: TX
id 8679983
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 Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 12:08 AM on Saturday, July 31st, 2021

You all are very sweet, thank you for checking in. I talked to the sergeant at our local police station about kicking him out of the house. I have to get the owner of the house to sign a letter which I’ve asked them about and they said Yep let’s get them out. And it’s called and undesirable tenant.

I have not done that yet, I called our local domestic violence shelter and talk to someone for about an hour today. Told him that my husband was a attorney, and would like to screw me over royally.

Husband is still exceptionally angry with me, told our daughter at dinner last night that he wants to hurt me as much as I hurt grandma.

I spent about two hours crying today. Don’t really fucking care anymore. The hurt is the realization that after all I’ve done for him, he can’t even fucking stand up for me, and say hey Donna is right. Thinking about it now, the fact that they are cool with us driving seven hours for a three day trip, basically a long fucking weekend, and then they’re going to go off to vacation again for the second time in a month. That’s bullshit. They haven’t seen our kids in three yrars and when we try to come up there they are not trying to facilitate seeing the kids.

I just came back from the store. Got a burner phone. Ask the college kid who sold it to me how to use it. LOL since WH has control and sees my text messages etc.

Talk to my friend who is on LCSW for an hour and a half yesterday. She said that this was triangular elation, bringing me into their drama to offset some of the stress between the family and WH.

posts: 3839   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8680015
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 Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 12:09 AM on Saturday, July 31st, 2021

Oh, forgot to add. Try to talk to my husband today. This morning, don’t really even remember about white. Something kid or finance related. He yelled at me and said you are human garbage.

posts: 3839   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8680016
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 Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 12:10 AM on Saturday, July 31st, 2021

Oh forgot to add another thing, with the DV person, made an exit plan. Very important.

posts: 3839   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8680017
Topic is Sleeping.
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