SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I need to make some big changes in my life and I don’t know how.

I’m depressed, angry, frustrated, confused.

I feel like I don’t even know where to go from here. I’m trying to do new things like connect with friends, go to meditation workshops and other forms of holistic healing.

I started working our regularly, taking time for myself.

I talked with my husband for 2+ hours the other night he is saying he’s willing to work on the marriage. It’s been 6+ years since any infidelity.

I continue to post the same things over and over on here. I went back to look at old posts.

I’m trying to get into a psychiatrist to see if there is actually something mentally wrong with me, plus a therapist but I’ve been down that road before and I’m still here.

How can I even start. I feel so hopeless.

Clean your closet. (Seriously!) Or that junk drawer. Whatever silly little thing you have not been able to make yourself do, go do it right now. You'll be surprised at how much better you will feel.

If you're avoiding showering or getting out of bed, force yourself to do that.

Find one simple little thing to "force yourself" to do every day. As time goes on, you will find yourself doing bigger and better things, and life clearing up around you.

For sure do the holistic stuff, the meditation and maybe even yoga. Also get out in the sun, walking, biking, swimming, whatever makes you happy. Join a Meetup group for hiking, meditation, crafts, or learning about how to be a psychic. (the one I joined was a mediumship class and I am now a professional psychic.)

And find yourself a counselor that can work with you, where you are right now. Small steps. Baby steps. And if you fall down, get up again. As you flex those muscles they will become stronger and you will learn to trust in and rely on yourself. Happiness comes along with self esteem. You'll get there!

Thank you funhouse :) I already do all of these things. I get out of bed everyday put on a happy face, run my business, raise my kids.

I just can’t seem to kick this deep feeling of dissatisfaction and unfulfillment which then leads to angry outbursts at my husband.

It seems to be stemming from issues with the marriage but my husband disagrees. Even if it is the marriage I still need to heal myself.

I threaten divorce and to walk away but I don’t do it, I just keep the cycle or unfullfillment, then anger on my part going instead of making real changes.

There is obviously something wrong with me.

I am wondering if I should step away from the marriage, my business and life responsibilities and check myself into a psychiatric clinic or something.

Maybe infidelity was a deal-breaker for you and you've been fighting it all these years. Have you co sidereal a therapeutic separation? I did this with my WW and it brought some clarity to me. It wasn't earth shattering, it it cleared my head a bit.

He makes no changes and yet you still blame yourself and think the issue is you.
See a therapist that specializes in trauma. Make a list of the things you want to change in your relationship. Prioritize those things. Then talk with your therapist about these things. They may help you to identify the best way to approach the changes in your relationship.

You are not crazy. You are being abused to a certain degree he is gaslighting you he is pulling DARVO, pushing the concerns back on you making you feel like its your issue.

Tush nurse I just feel like I can’t leave right now. I talked to a therapist today we’re going to work on my reactivity.
She suggested I try meds again.

It’s gotten me no where to try to point out his gaslighting or contributions to the issues. It’s only served to make him angry, defensive and blame me more for being critical.

I need to get myself under control.

Tush nurse I just feel like I can’t leave right now.

Why? I think this is an important thing to focus on. What's holding you back? What fears do you have of leaving?

It's totally normal to feel conflicted when it comes to thinking about separating. I felt that way too, even though I absolutely KNEW it was the right choice for me to make. But I think it's important to examine those feelings and get to the root of them. IME a lot of those things that were keeping me stuck were based on fear - fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of 'what if'. All valid concerns and feelings, but feelings are not facts. It helped me to look hard at each of those fears to suss out the facts about them.

Also in my experience dealing with narcissitic-leaning personalities like this, the only way to 'win' is not to play the game at all. People like that feed on drama and feed on your (very justifiable) anger and frustration and confusion. It's crazy-making because you KNOW (you really do know) that you aren't nuts and that their behavior is not tolerable, but there is no making them see that or cop to anything. You can't resolve issues with people like this because they are incapable and unwilling to accept any accountability for their actions and behaviors and without accountability, there can be no change.

It’s gotten me no where to try to point out his gaslighting or contributions to the issues. It’s only served to make him angry, defensive and blame me more for being critical.

It looks like you're trying to change him. If so,

D – Don’t
E – Even
T – Think
A – About
C – Changing
H – Him.

I understand how you feel. My H had a 4 year EA that he denied. I KNEW it was going on but he gaslit me and made me out to be crazy.

Then he has his 2nd affair. This time he wants a D. Out of the blue. And the second OW tells me he admitted to the first OW that it was an affair.

That caused more trouble than the current t affair. It took me years to get past that.

What worked for me was my desire to not let him and his affair impact my life for one more second. My happiness came first and I committed to being happy despite my cheating H and his gaslighting etc.

In the end he hurt himself more. Because I don’t put him first anymore. I don’t go out of my way for him. I don’t fall all over him and put him at the top of my priority list.

It’s called survival. And I decided my marriage (while happily reconciled) was not going to ruin my life and cause me pain. I have good friends and family. I feel happy and content - with him or without him. Married or single.

I let go of the anger and resentment he caused me to endure. Life is too short. Just like your spouse chose to cheat, you have to choose to let it go and be happy.