SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

2 years from the beginning of the affair and I am feeling the shitty feelings this season. WH has been wonderful, has made a million changes to become a be a better person and husband. But I’ve been struggling with the antiversary this year and he is starting to slip into old defensive patterns and it’s creating this viscous cycle of irritation and anger from both of us.

I might be being a brat but I don’t feel like it’s my f-ing responsibility to hold it together right now. I feel like he needs to pull his big boy pants up and just be supportive.

Add in a teenage daughter with a major attitude problem lately and I’m ready to tap out. I understand the celebrities who go to a facility for "exhaustion" because if I could, I would so be there.

I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve from this post…venting, advice, someone to tell me that this is normal? I don’t know. I’m just beyond frustrated and want to disappear.

Fairytalegone- your name says it all for me!!!

I’m about the same place as you and feel exactly the same. I don’t have any advice but I am so sick of the whole thing. I’m just sick of it. I would love to disappear… let’s just disappear together make a club im sure there are many of us HAHA!!

but seriously I’m sorry you are here, I’m sorry we all have to go through this crap without choice.

All systems normal.

And venting for me always helped.

Good for your WH being wonderful, until now. He can’t ever, and I mean ever play the defensive card. So yeah, every time he thinks he has proved himself, he has to do it again anyway.

We only feel ‘better’ when we can feel safe on days just like you’re having and you get support anyway.

Emotional trauma makes us crazy, and we earned it. Our reality was altered by the secrets of the A, it just takes a long, long time to heal up.

At two years, I was…about done too.

That is when my wife realized her work was never done, and it made year 3 go a LOT better.

Things are pretty good now, but I still love the idea of being able to check into some spa or facility for exhaustion.

You are NOT behind schedule, you don’t own anyone an explanation.

WH is either on board with some patience and care or not.

That said, I have no advice for teenagers, I think some of them are born to drive us insane at some point.

100% normal. We're almost 4 years out. The fall and holidays are tough for me as that's the season of her affair and memories.
It's a slog. Please be kind to yourself.

I’m at 23 months post D day. I’d read that the 2nd year was the worst for a lot of BS out there at at this point I’d have to agree. I’m glad your WH has been putting the work, my wife was not up to this point. Last weekend I had had it up to about here (instill image of hand to chin LOL) and finally decided it was time to drop the hammer. No way could I go forward any more unless she showed me change. I told her I was thinking of separating and after a meltdown by her I spent the night elsewhere and didn’t speak to her until late the next day. She admitted it scared the hell out of her and in just the last few days a huge transformation has begun. She’s been researching and reading about infidelity and recovery. She’s been opening up and acknowledging the pain she has put me through. The reason I’ve explained these events is because leading up to that point I felt so fucking done with the whole world that I was ready to blow it up and burn the whole thing down. I’ve commented on here before that I’d love to go out with a group of you all and have a beer or two……..or three or four LOL. Hang in there darling, we have your back here and I hope that for you, like me, this place is therapeutic to my mental state of mind.
As for the teenager, my kids are 22 and 24 now and we never had a minutes issue with them, but at the same time we never, and I mean never put up with instance of shit from them. They knew from a very young age where the line was and they’d be well advised not to cross it. You don’t need the extra stress on that from dealing with what you are going through. Hugs to you and look for something enjoyable to get yourself into for a fun day of unwinding.

You're right, he should be supportive, not defensive. If it's defensiveness here and there because of exhaustion, stress or whatever and then he comes back to apologize and help out that's one thing. WS are human (obviously) - but if he's not making the effort it shouldn't be on you to carry your R. Sorry you're dealing with that. An exhaustion vacation sounds like something we should all get at least once a year, just a "fuck you world I'm out for awhile" thing.

So sorry you are having a bad day. Let is out girl! It is okay, sometimes we have to vent and it is better out than in. And yes, I do get it.. how they get tired and sometimes just don't want to have to heal us all the time. It is hard for sure. I am glad he is doing the work to fix everything and sorry about dealing with a teenager--- ugh.. no fun for anyone.. but you will get through it... wish mine were teenagers again and living at home (sheesh did I just say that--ha ha) Hope you have a great weekend. God Bless.

Very normal on all counts. The second year antiversary was very hard for me.

Also, teenagers are hard. I have two of my own, and about 150 of them come through my classroom each day. There are a few who sail through adolescence without significant rough patches, but that’s a rare exception. You’ll get past this rough patch with your daughter. All you can do is be the adult, show lots of love, and have some healthy boundaries. And take deep breaths and scream into a pillow now and then, because they really know how to find that last vulnerable nerve and stomp on it. ❤️

I’m another one who would love to go out for a few beers with people here. And I don’t even drink beer!

Hi @FairyTaleGone hope you're feeling better and so sorry you're still having to deal with the painful aftermath of betrayal. You are free to vent on here as we are all here to support to each other.

I think the feelings you're having are normal, triggers still did occur for me 2 years afterward but I was healing and getting better at communicating about my feelings with my H who thank God was understanding and supportive. The reality is even when the heart heals, the mind and brain still remembers and that can be tricky to navigate.

You deserve to find some time to invest in a bit of self care, even a spa day or half a day to de-stress will be good for you.

Maybe also consider going for some MC to address any issues you might be currently having.

Hope and pray the near future brings complete healing for your emotions and true R for your marriage.

[This message edited by BellaLee at 1:39 AM, Saturday, February 18th]