My story, short version, is he cheated 6 years ago, it was already over when I found out, and I decided I was willing to R
To my knowledge, it has never happened again. However, he failed to do (or maintain) any of my other non negotiables.
4 years ago he accepted a job in a small town without my agreement. I was in another betrayal. I predicted the job would not work out and I was right. In the meantime, we bought a house and I got a new job and put down roots.
2 months ago, I find text messages indicating he is about to blow up our lives again. After a secret job hunt, he informs me he has accepted a job and he hopes I’ll come with him. This time, I said no. It’s been a roller coaster but it’s clear he simply doesn’t care about the wreckage he causes me when he makes these major life choices without consulting me at all. It feels like I’ve been married to a stranger. Every time I choose to give him my trust, he abuses it. Even though it’s not an affair, he has done all of this in secret and dropped a bomb on me.
To keep things manageable during the weeks before his move, I’ve been polite and calm. It helped me execute a favorable property settlement agreement which I made a condition of this move. He has been love bombing me and insisting he doesn’t want a divorce, so I’ve been playing along.
Well, if I’m honest, I think I was tempted to believe him… again. I made excuses for him, again. But part of me was so hurt by the affair that I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to fully trust anyone again, so I told him I had conditions for this ‘temporary’ separation. But then he threw himself a going away party at the house we bought together (all of 1 year ago). I was astounded that he wanted to do this but I decided I could be the bigger person. I could play along….. sure, babe, you deserve it. It will be fun!
Surprise, surprise, it just wasn’t possible for me to keep the mask on after alcohol. I was not prepared for
1. He hasn’t told any of our friends here the truth about how this new job came to be
2. Nobody asked me how I was feeling about this
3. Alcohol + 1 + 2 = me feeling even less seen, so I decided to start making comments here and there to provoke interest. Not a great hostess move, makes people uncomfortable. Not my style either. Not classy
4. Despite his loooooong history with alcohol abuse, I failed to predict that he would over drink, provoking me even further
I guess I thought he would be on his best behavior. I thought he might try to leave me with a good impression of how he has good intentions
Nope. He is just a party boy living for the moment expecting life to be fun all the time. And all of these friends are enabling him. I don’t want anyone as a friend who excuses his behavior. It has been the reality check I needed. I told my therapist last week that I couldn’t even use the word hate to describe how I feel about him. I can now. I find him disgusting, shallow, and callous. I can’t believe I’ve given him so many chances. My PSA was fully executed a week ago…. I’m not sure why I still felt any need to be kind to him or to put on a show. As soon as the separation period is complete, I’m filing. Good riddance
