SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have removed the stop sign. I added it in my first post not really understanding what it meant. I do now.

I appreciate the messages.

I had therapy today and it was a quiet session. I have seen my therapist before during the previous "acting outs" and she questioned why I stopped coming in the past. I was arrogant, thinking I had everything under control. She laid it on the line for me. I've lost my wife and my house and kids. And I will lose my job if I don't do something about it. Truly do something. Imagine that.

The irony is not lost on me that the catalyst for true change may have to first be losing everything. Imagine thinking I still have a chance if I finally do the work. How many times in the past have I been in this situation? Too many. How much therapy in the past was self-serving? As if to accomplish the goal of everything being ok again for a certain amount of time then diving right back into it.

My therapist says I have an addiction. How pathetic. I pride myself on my ability to quit smoking in an instant. Not a big drinker, never into drugs. I told myself clearly I had good control. What a crock. None of this behaviour is excusable. But nor is it rational. My wife says I am selfish, sociopath, narcissist, you name it. I agree. I just cannot understand what I was thinking.

So now I have to decide to continue therapy or not for myself. In the past it was for myself, but also to please my wife who demanded, to show her I was honestly taking it seriously. It was not black and white. I did want to be a better person. I did want us to be close. I did not want her to experience pain and mindfuckery. But I either didn't want it that much or I wasn't strong enough. (See selfish)

I am not at all looking for there theres. Disgusts me. I deserve this all. I am terrified, sad broken and have no idea what to do all at once. I have to move out by the end of August. I get that time to spend with my 3 beautiful boys and in that time I have to find a place and be gone. It's like a countdown. All I want to do is work around the house, do the tasks I laid out weeks ago that could not happen until the summer (I am a teacher). But I have to put effort into leaving which is what my wife wants. I am not fighting with her, I agree with all of what she says. I will not turn on her. I refuse to be an absent father from my kids like mine was to me. I made that promise years ago.

Imagine accepting that the best thing for someone you love is to go away from them. How fucked is that.

Slightly off-topic, but just as an FYI, you can ask the mods to remove the stop sign for you, or move the post to another forum, etc. As long as it is not a habit, they are usually happy to help out.

I have seen my therapist before during the previous "acting outs" and she questioned why I stopped coming in the past.

My therapist says I have an addiction.

I was arrogant, thinking I had everything under control. She laid it on the line for me. I've lost my wife and my house and kids. And I will lose my job if I don't do something about it. Truly do something. Imagine that.

So now I have to decide to continue therapy or not for myself. In the past it was for myself, but also to please my wife

Given what you wrote here, you have an ongoing problem. And while infidelity is certainly part of that, it's really more of an outcome which stems from your other challenges. You are definitely a smart guy, and while that's to your benefit, it is also to your detriment. Smart people like to think that they think their way out of anything, come up with a solution, or even just "put things behind them" and do better moving forward.

But as you can see, it doesn't work that way, or at least, that's not what has happened for you so far. In your own words, you admit that your behaviors lead you to do harmful things, things that harm both you and others. And yet, when the opportunity to go see someone about those things exists, to DO something about it all... you choose not to seek help. Even now, as your life is falling apart before your eyes, even when your own kids (who you do not want to be an absent father for) are faced with the loss of their family unit (which is their safety, their protection, their role model for their own relationships in the future) is threatened, you still end asking... "Should I continue therapy or not?"

Let me ask you this. If someone set you on fire, and splashing some water on the parts of your body helped to put out the fire, why would you question if you should keep putting the fire out, or just keep burning? It makes no sense. Of course you will choose to the flames out. So why aren't you doing the same for you emotional health? Isn't everything that has happened so far an absolute indicator that therapy should be your highest and most important goal right now?

Let me be clear - I'm not trying to attack you or make you feel badly. Quite the opposite really. You are preaching to the choir here. Every WS here has a story about why they chose to do the wrong thing, whether it was the infidelity, or not getting the help needed. So we get it. You are not alone in the way you feel, the things you did, or the doubts you have about yourself or how to move forward. But I do want you to take note of is simply - yourself. Why allow this to go on? Even if you didn't give a shit about yourself, why let your kids continue to be hurt by your actions? You know first hand what having an absent father did to you, how it feels, and how it turns out. I can tell you love your kids and want better for them. Is this better? If not, then what are going to do about it?

There are two outcomes here. Your kids are already hurt, okay? But that's not the end of the story. It's what happens next that matters. You have an opportunity here to show your kids how a responsible adult, and a loving parent, handles their mistakes and regrets. You man up. You admit your wrongs. You make it your purpose in life to do better, to be better, to rebuild what was lost, to show them that they matter and are loved and are WORTH YOUR TIME AND EFFORT to be a better person and a better parent. And the great thing is, if they see you do it, then you are modeling for them what a healthy person does when they fuck up. And you can learn to build a new, healthier relationship with them. One where Dad isn't a broken, angry person.

The other option of course is to not do the work. Teach your kids that Dad is still selfish and would rather wallow in self-pity and self-disgust than to make the effort to make them feel important in your life. By not doing everything you can do make things right, you are sending the clear message that they didn't matter enough for you to try, for you to change. Your model for them how an adult acts in these situations, and the role you are modeling is one where they give up and just accept themselves as failures. That simply cannot be the outcome you want.

This is it. This is the time. This is when you get out a rag and clean that shit off the fan. It's okay to feel like shit, you earned it, but don't allow yourself to make that your identity. You aren't a bad person. You are a broken person and that has led you to make poor decisions, lack healthy boundaries and disrespect yourself and others. In other words, you aren't a bad person, you just did bad things. You can't undo those bad things, but what you CAN do is do better. We are what we do, and I think you will be SHOCKED at just how much life can turn around when everything seems hopeless.

Your kids want to see you do better. Your spouse wants that too. And most of all, you owe it to yourself. So go cry, scream, break shit, drink, smoke, whatever you need to in order to process the hurt and get it out. But then put your boots on and get ready to wade in the deep shit of fixing your pain.

It was super unfair that your Dad wasn't there for you. He didn't do you any favors. He didn't show you how to deal with mistakes. He didn't teach you what a healthy relationship looks and feels like. So don't be so hard on yourself. You were never taught a healthy lifestyle so don't judge yourself poorly for not having those skills. But unless you want your own kids to have the same shortcoming, then you need to do better.

Keep coming back.

Hi Permanentchange

Heads up, I'm a BS. Sounds like you're okay with that.

So, I had a read through some of your historic posts. Correct me if I'm wrong. Your first D-day was in 2013 and you had had another A about 11 years prior to that with several online indescretions in between. What was this A about? Were there others? I think it's fair to say you are a serial cheater. Do you take issue with that title?

You're light on details about this A (and the others). I suppose you figure it doesn't matter at this point, but it might provide some insight into what is going on with you. When was D-day? What do you get out of the As? Are they emotional? Purely physical? With coworkers? Acquaintances? Professionals? When was D-day? What are you getting out of them? Is it just an ego stroke? Entitlement? Are you a sex addict? I'm going to go out on a limb and assume your wife discovered it on her own versus a voluntary disclosure - is that fair?

You say your marriage is over this time. I suppose that's no surprise to you or anyone. Have your kids been told? How old are they now?

It sounds like Last time, the therapy was mostly to prove to your wife that you were doing the work/changing. Did you? How long did you go? What did you learn about yourself? Why didn't it stick? Without the external motivation (your wife), I suppose the question of whether you will continue going or not comes down to whether you actually want to change. Do you? If so, what would you like to change?

Following your last A, you posted here briefly. Was that for her too? You mentioned at one point she posts here. Are you posting for her again now?

Your say your wife says you are a narcissist. Do you think this is true? Are there other factors in your life she points to when she says this, or is it just the cheating?

You say you want to be there for your kids. How do you envision this going? Do you think you're acting like the kind of person you'd hope they emulate (or marry?) If not, why not?

I hope you take these questions in the spirit they were intended. I do believe that people are capable of change. I don't believe that most people will change without a concerted effort to do so however. Are you happy to continue on the path you're on?

I am BS and an alcoholic with 25 years sober. I say that to let you know that I have some knowledge of addiction and addicts. I hope what I have to say is helpful and know that it is meant in a loving and supportive way. My husband is a drug addict and a sex addict. He was diagnosed by a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) and has also self-identified.

First things first, as we say in AA. You said in your post that your therapist has diagnosed you as having a sex addiction. If your therapist is not a CSAT, I would strongly recommend that you participate in treatment with a CSAT. They have specific training in how to deal with this kind of addiction, which is a process, or behavioral addiction (like gambling). Sex addiction commonly (but not always) begins with compulsive online pornography use. What usually ensues is a progression of increasingly risky, sexualized behavior, which means that compulsive thought processes may well be present - one of the symptoms of an addiction. Although it is recommended to get a diagnosis from a CSAT, it IS possible to self-diagnose as an addict in order to begin the process of recovery, not as an excuse to rationalize dysfunctional behavior. The disease of addiction explains inappropriate behavior but it does not excuse it in any way. The SAA (sex addicts anonymous) website has a lot of information which might be useful to you in the area of self-identification.

My FWH is a sex addict. He was clean and sober from alcohol/drugs for 20 years. He stopped doing the things he needed to do to stay sober and to maintain a healthy spiritual condition: stopped going to 12-step meetings and stopped working a program. It took a few years, but he began an addictive relationship with pornography. I caught him a few times and finally began to see that it was becoming a problem for him and for our relationship. Since he had so many years clean and sober from substances, I felt that he could get the help he needed on his own. Sadly, I swept it under the rug and, like all addictions, it progressed into a physical affair. When my husband was caught, he was actively planning a second affair. Progression is the name of the game with sex addiction,

Sobriety from addiction is a LIFELONG process. If you are not actively working on the emotional and behavioral dysfunction that enables the disease, then it is almost a guaranteed path to relapse. You need to learn the tools necessary to sustain long term sobriety and you can only truly learn those tools through work with sober addicts. In my experience, sustained sobriety is only possible with active participation in a 12-step program. Period. Not for a week, not a year, FOREVER. Sex addiction also requires individual therapy as it is a process addiction, which means it is a compulsion to continually engage in certain behaviors despite the negative impact on one’s life. Sex addiction, like eating addictions, are especially tricky since sex and eating are behaviors that humans engage in which are necessary for a healthy life. If you want a healthy relationship, then sex is usually part of that. If I, as an alcoholic, had to take a drink on a weekly basis in order to maintain a healthy relationship, then it would be extremely difficult to stay sober. This is why there is so much relapse for SAs and why it is so important to participate in a 12-step program with fidelity, consistency, and for the long term.

As your wife has likely discovered, an addict, when in active addiction, is constitutionally incapable of honesty. Your ACTIONS over time will tell your wife if you are serious about being safe for her (or any other woman you want to be in a relationship with) and for yourself. Stop talking and take assertive action. If you are not willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean, then you are not serious about recovery. I have been working with addicts for many years. They, like cheaters, follow certain patterns of behavior. They commonly promise a LOT of action while waiting for the commotion to die down so they can continue to use. Unless you actually follow through with your promises, then it is addict bullshit. You have "used"/cheated before and still remained married after discovery. Addicts can understand this as a "free pass", and will manipulate the situation so that they can continue to comfortably do what they want to do. It may be too late for your marriage, but you need to be aware of this if you want a successful relationship in the future.

If you do not commit to the necessary work consistently and for the long term in order to make meaningful changes, anyone you wish to be in a relationship with will be a hostage to your active addiction. Life in active addiction is guaranteed to bring chaos and misery to your life and to the lives of those you love. Addicts do not find sobriety until they hit their "bottom". Hopefully, you have found yours.

Below is a list of the work my husband does consistently. DDay was almost 8 years ago.

1. 12-step meetings multiple times per week. They are online, so no excuses. You should start in AA since this is a much more stable program with a ton of history and people with long term sobriety, but you should also attend SAA meetings so you do not forget who you are.

2. Work with a sponsor. You will need to find one with some sober time (at least 5 years).

3. Ongoing therapy with a CSAT. My husband works with his twice per month. In the beginning, it was more frequent.

4. Taking the suggestions of your therapist and sponsor and ACTING on those suggestions willingly.

5. Complete honesty at all times.

6. All electronics are open to your wife’s review (if you are staying married) whenever she needs to see them and your whereabouts are verifiable. This is ACCOUNTABILITY. If you are misbehaving online, then computer use only when your wife is present or when you are at work. If you are single, leave the computer alone when you are not at work until you can safely use it. Remember, addictions progress. Online porn is a certain way to make your life very complicated.

I am an outspoken gal, and I will tell you that there is not much hope for a relationship if you do not get willing and honest. You will almost certainly continue some sort of addictive behavior and your loved ones will bear the brunt of that. Addicts tend to take advantage of kindness and understanding, which they see as weakness, to manipulate in order to continue to do what they want. It is counterintuitive that kindness, mercy and compassion will enable an addict, but that is the truth of the disease. You do not want to be that person.

No one can control your actions or the outcome. You and only you can decide to get better. If you have kids, they need to be far away from active addiction. As I said before, addictions progress and if not treated can move into illegal activities (exposure, peeping, etc.). You don’t want your kids around any sort of inappropriate sexual behavior. I am not saying that you will abuse them, but if your addiction is in control, they will likely be exposed to some inappropriate content. In addition, as a teacher (I am one as well), this can potentially be risky for your students (not sure what age they are). Active addiction takes you to places you would never imagine you would go. Please also be aware that your school computer is monitored as well as internet use at school.

WH here and I've spent time in 12-step rooms too.

As we say there, you find your bottom when you stop digging. It sounds like you're just about ready to put the shovel down, if you haven't already.

Now it's time to pick up another shovel and dig for your "whys". And to do this for yourself, because you want to be a better, safer, saner person.

As DaddyDom said, you're not a sociopath. You wouldn't be here if you were.

Please keep posting.

Thank you everyone for your messages. Truly. I am blown away by the attention to detail and the willingness to advise a stranger.
It's been a jumble of things. As an update, I have likely found an apartment and will be moving in the end of August.
I am 51, my wife is 50. We're both successful, me a teacher, her a doctor. We have 3 beautiful boys. 2 in university, one in late middle school. 2 dogs, pool etc... all the picturesque goals.
I am a sex addict. I know I am. It is not at all an excuse for my actions. I own them all. But it is an explanation.

Given what you wrote here, you have an ongoing problem. And while infidelity is certainly part of that, it's really more of an outcome which stems from your other challenges.

You nailed it Daddydom. I am reading a book called "Out of the Shadows" by Dr. Patrick Carnes and it nails me in so many ways. It is about sexual addiction and how I have somehow tied in sex with my unresolved feelings of abandonment. And why so many people who seem to have it all, do so much to ruin themselves; act so irrationally. You know, I absolutely love my wife. She's my best friend. Which of course my actions contradict. I don't have any explanation. It is easy to just say I am an asshole and agree with it. Because I don't understand it either.

But in the end, whatever. What's the point of getting the blueprints for the building after it has collapsed?
This isn't a happy ending. My wife is leaving me (actually I am moving out). There are no actions that can be taken to save the marriage. Enough is enough and I do not blame her. She did not sign up for this. She stopped loving me a while ago (not sure when), and I should have seen the writing on the wall that an enormous amount of work had to happen waaay back.

You have an opportunity here to show your kids how a responsible adult, and a loving parent, handles their mistakes and regrets. You man up. You admit your wrongs. You make it your purpose in life to do better, to be better, to rebuild what was lost, to show them that they matter and are loved and are WORTH YOUR TIME AND EFFORT to be a better person and a better parent.

This is my motivation. Thank you for this.

Sobriety from addiction is a LIFELONG process. If you are not actively working on the emotional and behavioral dysfunction that enables the disease, then it is almost a guaranteed path to relapse. You need to learn the tools necessary to sustain long term sobriety and you can only truly learn those tools through work with sober addicts. In my experience, sustained sobriety is only possible with active participation in a 12-step program.

I have come to terms with this. Thank you. I am in therapy with a great therapist who specializes in infidelity and sex addiction and she helped me find a local 12 step program SAA group I will be attending. I think I have come to terms with a couple of things. First, I am completely unable to handle this on my own. Things are out of control. Second, I will be battling this, working on this for the rest of my life. I was so arrogant before.

As your wife has likely discovered, an addict, when in active addiction, is constitutionally incapable of honesty. Your ACTIONS over time will tell your wife if you are serious about being safe for her (or any other woman you want to be in a relationship with) and for yourself. Stop talking and take assertive action. If you are not willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean, then you are not serious about recovery.

This is so true. I was incapable of being honest. Truly honest. Lying so easily.

Thanks again for the messages. We'll see how the next steps go. For the kids.

We'll see how the next steps go. For the kids.

It has to be for permanentchange5. Otherwise, it won't last. It needs to radiate out from you.

It has to be for permanentchange5. Otherwise, it won't last. It needs to radiate out from you.

You're right of course.

I have signed up for a SAA group and am continuing in therapy. At this point the marriage is lost. There is no way it can be continued. I posed the question to my therapist. What's the point of all this therapy? I don't care enough about myself to do it. I do care for my wife and kids though. If not to earn the right to be in their lives, why do it.

And she let me have it. Doing something for another doesn't last. Wanting to do it for yourself does. Indirectly, it will help the people around you. It was a tough conversation, but I get it. I am such a trainwreck but I've never really though a lot of myself.

She warned and reminded me as well that you cannot blame everything on your past, your trauma. I own all my actions. In the end I decided to do what I did, repeatedly. I had many chances to do the hard work and decided not to. No one put a gun to my head, the work wasn't impossible. That's a tough one to swallow, that I was too weak or too selfish. But it's true.

I am not sure this board is for people who have lost their marriages permanently, but that's me, taking the long journey to rewriting who I am as a person for myself and my family.

I was so irrational. I have lost everything that was important to me. And yet...I did it repeatedly.

She warned and reminded me as well that you cannot blame everything on your past, your trauma. I own all my actions.

Amen.
I have a laundry list of FOO trauma... abuse, neglect, molestation, loss, shame, bullying... the list is endless. Honestly I'm not sure how the hell I survived my childhood, except for the fact that I developed skills that allowed me to stay alive, and with the appearance of sanity. But I never really dealt with all that. In fact, for the most part, I decided to stuff all the trauma in a virtual box and shove it into the dustiest corners of my mind, and convinced myself it didn't matter anymore. But at the same, I managed to also hang on to my "victim mentality" for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong... I actually WAS a victim, and I know I have every right to be hurt and pissed off about that. But what I didn't realize was how very much I clung to that identity even now, as an adult. I have a job, a family, a life, but deep inside, I've always still been that little boy just wanting someone, anyone, to protect me. To feel sorry for me. To make me feel better about who I am and my own self-worth.

The thing I didn't realize all that time, was that I had taken on the identity of a victim. To me, that is who I was, what I was, it was me, at my core. I was a victim. Not a person. Not a man. Not a father, a husband, an employee, a member of the community. I was a victim. And I wanted people to know that so they would comfort me, so that they would give a shit about me, so that they would offer me compliments and supportive talk that would help me to artificially boost my own self-image for a little while. I didn't know how to comfort myself or how to see value in myself. I needed others to do it for me. And that very fact... had an awful lot to do with why I had an affair in the first place.

The thing I'm trying to impart here is this... what I failed to realize in all those many years, was that I was no longer a victim. I had grown up. My abusers were long gone. No one is abusing me now. No one is shaming me, or neglecting me, or bullying me. No one. But here I still am, a victim, a victim of... what exactly? If I have no abusers now, then what am I a victim of?

And then it dawned on me. I had become a victim of myself. I was carrying on a sort of "self-abuse". I was clinging to my childhood trauma as an identity, and in doing so, had perpetuated my own suffering. Like Peter Pan, I just never really grew up. I chose instead to stay in never-never-land and be a lost boy. Not a grown-up.

A lot of WS's share a similar story to mine. The details change, but the song remains the same. Our trauma locks us into a place where we never learn to love ourselves like other, healthier people do. There are lots of reasons that emotionally healthy people don't have affairs, one of the most basic reasons being that they simply don't need to. They don't need other people to approve of them or to love them, in order to approve of and love themselves. They have integrity and dignity and healthy boundaries that keep their self-worth intact and that keep them safe. But people like you and I... we never learned those skills the way we should have. It's like having a gas tank with a hole in it... as long as the love from others keeps pouring in, we're okay, we can keep going. But when the external love slows down or stops... our tank empties out quickly, and we are left feeling desperate for more. That's why so many WS's struggle to understand themselves. We think we love our spouses, and we do... but love isn't enough. When our spouse can't meet our impossible needs for external validation, we crumble. We don't love ourselves, and we don't know how to even if we tried. And that's what makes us dangerous to others. That's why we seek out "love" in cheap places, because what we really need is someone else to make us feel special/beautiful/wanted/important/valuable. Affairs have nothing to do with love, and everything to do with our own victimhood and our selfish need for attention and confirmation.

I tell you all this in the hope that some of it may resonate with you, and give you a foothold with which to start your journey towards healing. Speak with your IC and see if you can work on self-love. Read Brene Brown's "Rising Strong". Start to get to know yourself. I can share with you that I've done a lot of inner-child work, EMDR, CBT/DBT and other work, and over time, it is making a difference. When you start to love yourself you start to feel less desperate, more in control, less helpless, more empowered, less needy, more giving. It's no small feat and is a painful process to go through. But it's so, so very worth it. Learn to love yourself, and in doing so, you will learn to love others, and allow them to love you back.

Good luck.

I decided to stuff all the trauma in a virtual box and shove it into the dustiest corners of my mind, and convinced myself it didn't matter anymore.

I did this exact same thing. UP until a few years ago.

I was no longer a victim. I had grown up. My abusers were long gone. No one is abusing me now. No one is shaming me, or neglecting me, or bullying me. No one. But here I still am, a victim, a victim of... what exactly? If I have no abusers now, then what am I a victim of?

I am floored by this. Not in a bad way. But you have nailed something on the head for me.

Our trauma locks us into a place where we never learn to love ourselves like other, healthier people do. There are lots of reasons that emotionally healthy people don't have affairs, one of the most basic reasons being that they simply don't need to.

Brilliant

When our spouse can't meet our impossible needs for external validation, we crumble. We don't love ourselves, and we don't know how to even if we tried. And that's what makes us dangerous to others. That's why we seek out "love" in cheap places, because what we really need is someone else to make us feel special/beautiful/wanted/important/valuable. Affairs have nothing to do with love, and everything to do with our own victimhood and our selfish need for attention and confirmation.

Fuck fuck fuck.
Ugh. This this this.

I wish I knew this so many years ago. The sheer amount of time I put impossible demands on my wife, the desire for attention or validation. The uncomfortableness she felt when it was clear I was seeking it, expecting it. Instead, things have to hit rock bottom before you realize how selfish you truly are.

I have a long long road ahead of me. Doing something for my own health is not something that comes easy.

Thank you DD. Your many words have been truly valuable. Truly.

I am a BS and always think that Daddy Dom has many helpful insight and advice for my WH. Thank you Daddy Dom .

To PC5, I wish you luck . Please follow DD’s advice and you will safely reach the shore !!

PC5,

This must be an incredibly difficult time for you. But, if the goal is to get healthy you probably have a better shot than most. For those infidelity-affected couples working on recovery I think that marital recovery process can impede healthy growth for the WS. Inevitably, in a long marriage, the BS has actively engaged in accepting and brushing aside many of the toxic behaviors that the WS needs to work on. In an ideal world perhaps a BS’s forgiveness, or near-forgiveness, could motivate a WS to confront their characterologic issues. But it is rarely an ideal world. More often both parts of the couple have developed maladaptive coping strategies that can perpetuate the WS’s problems. Moreover, the mere fact that the BS has overlooked parts of the bad behavior for so long means that they may have their own significant self-esteem issues (whether they came to the marriage with these issues or they developed them in response to their spouse’s wayward behaviors is open to interpretation). The point is that your wife has done the one thing that is most likely to provoke change, she has helped to create your rock bottom. The rest of us BSes can’t do that, at least not while trying to stay married at the same time. For example, my husband likes to say « I’m a different person »…and maybe he is. But maybe not. He still seems to cling to certain half-truths (see how I create my own overly permissive language to help perpetuate his world view). Part of me feels like I am doing him no favors by allowing him to hide behind this « new person » idea. But, because we are married, and it is hard to raise teenagers together with someone who is unable to crawl out of his rock bottom, I end up letting him preserve certain illusions. The best I can do is schedule frequent « talks » wherein I tell him the real real and let him face some of the sad facts head on. But he only has to face this in small doses.

You are being forced to face up to all of the horror and the terrible consequences (the breakup of your family) all at once. I hope that makes your recovery more rapid and and your process more honest and authentic. I hope that eventually becomes some upside for you. You must be struggling mightily and I truly wish you the best.

[This message edited by Stillconfused2022 at 12:53 AM, Wednesday, August 30th]