SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m in Therapy, and told her that I wanted to get the balls to leave my husband. So I’m actively trying to get out of my state of paralyzed with fear.

WH cheated on me and left me and the kids and let his new girlfriend harass us. It was real mess. in 2009 and 2010. She even continued to harass him and me after he left her.

Then there were some inappropriate text between a work friend, I don’t even really know how to categorize that. She is no longer a friend. He had a bipolar episode and yelled at her lost his job. She is also mentally unstable, but nowhere near as bad as OW number one or WH. She just has some self-esteem issues I’m guessing. I don’t really care. She just seems very immature, and I think that that was a draw for my husband because she’s not a strong woman. She’s very weak.

he has been faithful, I guess, for the last four years. Oh, give him a medal right? Lol After the last incident in 2019, with work friend, I just kind of realized I don’t want to be in this marriage anymore.

I think long-term and I don’t want to be married to him when I am old and sitting at home, and he’s home too. I don’t want him at home with me. There is a kicker, when he sort of got fired/resigned from his job with work friend, he started business for himself, and now he makes over twice as much as what he used to make. Add in there, My sisters are taking me to court because they want to put our mom in a nursing home and take over her finances/get control of all of her money. WH is an attorney, and I get free legal advice. He bitches and says I’ve given you $25000 worth of free legal advice this year. He’s not lying.

but I enjoy flying lessons, kayaking, hiking, learning new things, travel. I’ve always tried to get him to drive cross country with me. I ended up driving just me and my then nine-year-old son cross country. It was awesome. I’ve also flown to Spain with my kids alone without him, something, I didn’t think that I could handle as the only adult. But I did it.

I also realized that five years ago I turned 40. I asked him to take me out for a fancy dinner. I wanted to get dressed up. Go to someplace really cool. Take a lot of pictures. Just feel very fancy. I’m a stay at home mom, so I never get the chance to do that. He didnt do it until a year later and inwas pregnant (so i couldn’t wear a really fancy beautiful dress with high heels, and I didn’t really look or feel that hot. I just felt like a pregnant lady in August in the south.

This year I am asking for a parachute jump. Something he would never do, something that he probably won’t talk to me about, and something that I will probably end up paying for myself.

but it makes me realize, I used to want to do things with him. I just wanna go out to dinner. Try stuff with him. But I just don’t care anymore. I don’t care about trying things with him, we don’t have similar interest. It’s literally a we just grew apart situation. he’s been a lot of time on other ladies. And I spent time on the kids, and then on flying lessons and learning German over the Internet with teachers online. And traveling alone

sorry, but he seems kind of like a loser. And I’m cool. At least I think I am.

I think long-term and I don’t want to be married to him when I am old and sitting at home, and he’s home too. I don’t want him at home with me.

Yes I felt the same way at the time I decided to leave. While I realize now that I should have left after my False R in 2014 I stayed in limbo for 5 more years due to fear. I left based on how he was still treating me, who he is as a person, and how I no longer felt any love or respect for him. The thought of being with him alone after my kids left home made me feel like puking. I knew I had my answer then.

That was part of my decision to D. XWH is a miserable jerk, and so pessimistic. I didn't want to have that albatross hanging around my neck for the rest of my life.

I'd told him that if there was another instance of inappropriate behavior, that I would go straight to D and no more chances. After he told me about his instance of inappropriate behavior, I kept my word and said I was out. If I hadn't given that hard boundary, I might have waffled and not pulled the D card. It can be tough to pull the cord and let yourself loose.

I think many people D after their spouse’s affair, not b/c of the affair, but because they now see their spouse in a whole new light.

Same as you.

The fact he wound say he’s given you $25k in free advice is sooooo petty. That’s what spouses do — they support each other. They don’t keep tabs or try to make everything about $.

IMO I think you are at a point where you no longer are compatible and his mere presence annoys you. That is a clear sign you need to move on.

Not in a mean way but in a "this just doesn’t work" way. Have a plan. Get your stuff together before you tell him it’s time to move on. Get your plan an together.

I think you have felt this way for years and are now just able to deal with it. Glad you have a good therapist who supports you.

Your husband has been abusive for years. He's cruel. He's mean.

You have a lot of very reasons to divorce him. His cheating is the least of it.

I think you have felt this way for years and are now just able to deal with it. Glad you have a good therapist who supports you.

absolutely. the second affair (emotional affair with work friend) was the nail in the coffin. i jusy have not been at the place to act on it… trying to get there

I think you see he’s not going to change.

That is on him and nothing to do w/ you.

Get a plan together and start the moving towards separation process. Separation meaning emotionally right now. I think you have already started that process but now it should be on all levels.

You can be nice and respectful but not put him first or cater to him as a wife. It’s a distancing process that will help you get to a place where you can pull the plug and be solid in your decision and be able to move forward even if he’s trying to get you to change your mind.

I hope this helps you.