SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Unfortunately, I am back on here. I had a new beginning after my ex husband cheated. Happy to say I am in a good place with the ex and ow for my kids. How we, I was just in a 1 1/2 relationship with man 12 years my junior. We met on a dating app and his wife had cheated on him with this best friend. Great guy had things in coming, fell head over heels for him. We introduced each other to kids - not a smart move. Just last week after him giving me the run arrounf about being sick, possibly losing his business, house and kids, he was just bread crumbing me and spewing lies, he blocked me from Facebook and my friend found another woman, older than me saying she was in a relationship with him on Facebook. Since December. While we were still together and for the holidays.

There is sooooo much more to this story but he manipulated me. I fell for it. Made me think he had heavy metal blood poisoning that was cause his mood to be off. Telling me he had not money. I bought his kids gifts for Christmas. And that was the last time o saw him. He help by a string. He needed space, then didn’t. Kept telling me he loved me. I tried to break up with him last month and he said no, he needed me to hold on. Yeah because he had a new girl and needed to see where it would go. How did I let this happen to me again? I saw the signs.

The he love bombing in the beginning. Telling me I was his soulmate. He wish we would have met me years ago so we would have had our happily ever after. The lies I caught him in, the socks I found in November. The I would never cheat I am not a cheater.

I am struggling worse this time around than my ex husbands affair a few years ago and we were together a lot longer. I am trying not to spiral but today was an awful emotional day. Any advice would be great. I don’t want to go through another relationship with infidelity. I know I need to work on me and love me but it’s so much easier said than done.

So sorry that you're back for a different partner. When there has been gaslighting and manipulation, it can really scramble your emotions and your brain.

Are you able to go to IC? A betrayal trauma specialist really helped me. Also, I did some I AM affirmations for some time to help get me out of the worthless feeling stage. I found a free YouTube video and picked the one that made me cry when I was going through them. I figured that was where I needed work.

Thank you! Yes I tried one IC that I don’t think was a good fit for me so I may go back to my old one. I do have a life coach. I also joined a mental health forum as well. I will look at YouTube and see what I can find. Yesterday was a rough day of emotions. Maybe Karma will get him but I have to see the fault in myself for not walking away the minute I recognized the red flags. He knew what to say to me and how to work with my emotions. I need a long time to heal and not look for validation in others.

Hi, Faith, I'm so sorry you find yourself back here. I'm sure it is soul-crushing to have to deal with another betrayal, esp. from a guy who was cheated on. WHY don't these cheaters just be honest and leave the relationship before inflicting so much damage on an individual they professed their love for at some point. Ugh.

I think you need to give yourself lots of time to heal, therapy, and perhaps learn to live life for yourself instead of inviting another man into it for a very long time. The children involved are feeling the effects of another broken relationship, they don't deserve this turmoil in their lives either.

One step forward, two steps back, you will get there just like you did when your ex cheated.

Trust that it is him and not you. You are not some bird with a broken wing who attracts other broken cheaters. He was probably lying about why his first relationship broke down. He is a manipulator. Leave and don’t let him back. You’ve got over one cheater you can do so again.

[This message edited by Jajaynumb at 3:02 PM, Thursday, February 8th]

Jajaynumb- funny thing is, this was his 2nd marriage. She left him for his best friend. Apparently, his first wife cheated too. Who knows. I feel sorry for the new woman in his life. I don’t know if she knew about me or not. If it’s the person I think he brought up once, she had a fiancé cheat on her right before they were to get married. Maybe this is his thing, and he loves to play the victim. It’s possible that because I started to call his bluff on his victimization, that maybe he needed to find someone new who didn’t know him well. Pretty sure he is a covert narc. So sad because I did see a lot of good in him.

Right now, I need to give myself some self love. And lots of it. I have trips scheduled for just me and a couple with my kids. 2024 - the year of healing and growth.

Betrayal is always horrible, no matter the situation. And the men, how they think they can just keep dragging you along thinking you are clueless and the guy is getting his cake and eating it too. Standing up for yourself will help you get your self esteem back, because you are worth more than to be taken advantage of by any man.

Thank you Codermom. Every day my self esteem gets better. I am pretty sure my ex boyfriend is a narcissist. I don’t like throwing that word around but he definitely checks most of the boxes and the way he discarded me after a year and half is not what a normal person does. Why can’t they just end it first before the cheating. He breadcrumbed me until he blocked me. The other woman found me somehow. She gave me the answers I was looking for unfortunately. Yes, there was also drug use happening with my ex. A lot makes sense. I feel for his young kids. There will probably be many women in and out of their lives.