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Does anyone have recommendations for books dealing with infidelity from the perspective of the betraying partner (engaged in recovery process) ? If possible, I would prefer something secular (not religious). Thanks

How to help your Spouse Heal from your affair by Linda McDonald is a quick read and packed full of information.

But the best part is at the back of the book she recommends other books and they are categorized into Christian and Secular.

I am making my way though the Christian section so can’t speak to the secular side other than Not just friends which does a good job of explaining both sides but is a much longer read

I also prefer secular sources of information. That being said, the two books ChampionRugSweeper mentioned are probably the most recommended books on SI and for good reason, they are the ones to start with.

I'd also like to suggest almost anything by Brene Brown, however "Rising Strong" is a good one to start with. My wife and I actually took turns reading it to each other, and every few pages, we'd stop and discuss what we took from what was read. These are not books about infidelity, rather, they are about vulnerability and self-discovery. Search for her Ted-talk video about vulnerability.

Kristen Neff is another good author, and she writes a lot about self-compassion, lots of good books and videos there to be had.

Also, The Book of Forgiveness by Desmond Tutu is a must-read. If you struggle with forgiving others for hurting you, or forgiving yourself for hurting others, this may offer some rare insight.

Kristen Neff is another good author, and she writes a lot about self-compassion, lots of good books and videos there to be had.

A caveat with this one. I read a book of hers very early after discovery and used "self-compassion" as a way to avoid accountability. My husband skimmed it, knowing I was reading it, and was very upset by the way she seems to put having an affair on the same level as blowing a snot bubble during a date on the same level of things to feel shame about. I think the idea of self-compassion is important when dealing with shame, but for a new WS, avoid using it as an excuse the way I did at first.

@pleasebefiable Thanks for the caveat on Kristen Neff’s book. I have read only the summary, felt uncomfortable but could not put my finger on why. You said it: self-compassion, although probably necessary and certainly very useful to deal with shame, can easily be used to avoid accountability. This is what I sensed, and decided not to get the book.

@pleasebefixable Sorry for misspelling your name.