SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I need some advice around kids.

Mine ar B18, B15 & G13. All are still at school & all spend a lot of time at home.

They aren't stupid & they know something is up. None of them have asked (me anyway, & WH hasn't said) but what do I say?

I don't want them to know WH cheated & of course, I have no clue what the future will hold.

Do I just tell them that we are dealing with a few personal things right now, but we are always here for them no matter what?

Kids know way more than you think. They absolutely know something is wrong, and they may even suspect or already know the truth.

You will get different answers from everyone here.

What I said to myself was if we divorced I will tell the kids why because they deserve to know the truth in those circumstances.

I also said, if any of my kids asked me if their mom cheated on me with AP, i would answer truthfully because if they are asking then they already know. My oldest did just that about a year and a half post dday2. Yes he knew, he had seen and heard things and already figured it out, long before I did.

I recommend you tell them that you and their dad are going through a difficult time but it’s parent business right now. If it becomes kids business you will tell them what and why.
Then answer them truthfully if they ask hard questions. I had to do it with my kids, and while it was brutal, my kids trust me even more because they know that I won’t gaslight them.

Kids know way more than you think. They absolutely know something is wrong, and they may even suspect or already know the truth.

My oldest told me that he was surprised that I stayed married to their dad as long as I did. The other two boys said that they understood why I chose D and they would have done that, too. (Dad cheated again.)

Just saying that to say that children really do watch their parents and our relationships are those that they model. They know when things are wrong. They also watch the parents of their friends that they see.

Yes I like the way you suggested it HellIsNotHalfFull. I hope my kids don't know why, but they definitely know mum's not happy.

And yes, leafields, they really do watch our every move.

My four were 17, 15, 9 and 7 on dday. I would have tried my best for them to be sheltered from the knowledge that their dad had stepped out with a woman who was known to the family and only 9 years older than our eldest. We decided to jointly tell the eldest two as the OW had went crazy once she realised WH wasn’t leaving us for her and she was calling and messaging our friends and posting very public stuff on her Facebook. So it was damage limitation as we knew they would find out and we figured it was better coming from us. They took it quite bad at the time with one of them going off the rails for a few months. The younger two weren’t told.
Fast forward 10 years, we are all still together but have the problem of two of the siblings still not knowing the dark secret. WH wants to tell them some day but I just hate the thought of it.
If your kids were younger I would 100% say, take it to the grave. But that’s not the case; they might find out elsewhere and I think that would be harder to deal with. It’s such a crap situation for anyone to be put it. Sending you strength.

Before the real DD1, on a trip with my FO, all his S and children, my little daughter who was 14 years old at the time, asked my W for his telephone. Suddenly he said: -"Mom, you have Tinder on your phone!"

Nowadays children know a lot, almost more than us.

Evidently there was a strong discussion and she completely sided with me.

[This message edited by Littlepuppet at 10:12 PM, Sunday, June 23rd]