SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I hate living like this, I hate my options and I hate that I am in this position. Good lawyers are EXPENSIVE, but I have one.

My state is basically 50/50 on all assets, so I am paying for alimony and the custody negotiations. Child support is capped at 25% oof my net up to $9,200 per month, if she gets the house and custody. Alimony is the wildcard that will be difficult to quantify, plus the cost of starting over at 49 with half of my kids, assets and paycheck. Life’s a bitch, then I married one and since God hates me, I will probably get cancer as soon as I get past the most difficult and expensive phase.

Life seems pretty f’ing unfair to me right now. I feel like having an affair instead of D, might be cheaper, easier and I might as well have no integrity to go with my lack of self respect. Could it be better than integrity and a little self respect with no money? Kinda joking, but also kinda serious…I could affair up with purpose, so if I am caught she would the feeling of being less than in more ways than I do right now.

You’ve been heard. The pain and unfairness is real.

Keep being someone your kids can look up to- it’s not worth losing that.

Hang in there. Things get better.

I appreciate the sentiment, I feel like destroying stuff.

Oh do that. Some folks go to one of those rooms where you can destroy stuff. Or freeze ice onto plates or aluminum pie pans and then haul off with the ice sheets in the backyard. Punch pillows. Or get a punching bag and start boxing. Getting the anger out in a healthy well really helps.

My experience is a good lawyer is just worth every nickel. Alimony and asset division pretty much boil down to how much of a war you want to inflict upon both sides (the costs can be shockingly high but you can drag out things for a long time). It is a leverage point that can be used to make the other side quite concerned especially if her side is on some kind of contingency or payment by you at the end.

I can tell you that if you think it through well and if your lawyer is competent and invested in you the divorce can be managed effectively.

Who,

Wow really sorry, the double betrayal of a coach and wife is too much to recover from.

Sue the coach to recover whatever money was paid to him.

He was in a position of trust and responsibility and should be banned for life.

Expose what he did widely.

[This message edited by survrus at 4:04 PM, Monday, July 15th]

I hear you and your pain. The injustice of being the BS is just such a kick in the gut, and it's the gift that keeps on giving. I either heard on a podcast or read in one of the many books I've immersed myself in the following: "Fight like hell to be the person you want to be." I, too, struggle with how to try to right this injustice but am realizing there is so much out of my hands right now, and I want to spend my precious energy on being the person I want to be...for myself and my kids...and not stoop to the depraved level of by STBXH.

Hang in there. You're not alone.

One regret I had post Dday, is that I should have insisted that WW buy me a nice Harley as a token of her regret. You see, gifts are not considered shared assets during D. I did buy a new car by putting the down payment on our shared credit card. Not sure if she ever realized that she paid for half of it.

Really should have insisted on the bike.

I thought I read that you live in Texas WhoRYouNOW?

Texas is one of the hardest states to get alimony/spousal maintenance awarded in a divorce.

Judges may not award spousal maintenance unless the spouse who is requesting the support doesn't have enough property to provide for "minimum reasonable needs," and one of the following is true:

1)the supporting spouse was recently convicted of domestic violence against the other spouse or the couple's children; or

2)the marriage lasted at least ten years, and the requesting spouse isn't able to earn enough to meet minimum reasonable needs, even after making serious efforts to do so or to develop the necessary skills, or

3)the requesting spouse isn't able to earn enough to meet those needs due to an incapacitating physical or mental disability, or because a child in that spouse's custody has that kind of disability and needs substantial care or supervision.

Obviously talk to your attorney and take his advice. While I am an attorney, I am not your attorney so follow your attorney's advice. I hope you have a good attorney-- note, some attorneys typically do a 'worst case scenario' in initial consultations so if the final result is anything less than the 'worst case scenario' at the end shows the attorney earned his fee.

Also, adultery can affect alimony in Texas. Not to the extreme as in other states such as North Carolina but it can make a difference so I hope you saved any/all evidence you have of your WW's adultery.

How far did you expose to family and others when you found out about your WW adultery? If you didn't expose your WW to anyone, you have some leverage in the upcoming divorce... I don't know if you want to play that card but it is a card you can rightfully play. You can file for 'irreconcilable differences' or you can file for divorce for 'adultery' as a basis for the divorce.

Obviously, if you don't live in Texas, I just wasted everyone's time and I apologize.

Good luck

All of your support is appreciated, thank you. Yes I live in Texas, my lawyer’s concern is that WW is not working and has only made actual money from working 4 years out of the last 23. Man is she trying to love bomb right now…

Man is she trying to love bomb right now…

Don’t fall for it. Remember she’s only trying to save her own backside. If you can’t achieve full separation consider absolutely minimizing your time with her, while maximizing your time with your kids.

If the divorce cost is too high, I mean you could always make a condition that she gets a full time job and just white knuckle it for awhile til the lawyer says you wouldn’t have to pay alimony and then file?
Devious, but not like she didn’t put you in this position anyway.