SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Here I am 9 months past d day and it took me this long to realize what this meant.

Holy hell what a roller coaster so far, I’ve wanted to vomit every second.

I’ve relied on my H for so many months to "say the right things" and he just can’t. It doesn’t matter what he says it doesn’t heal. He could say he hates her and what he did and guess what ? Nothing freaking changes. I laid in bed with him last week crying like i normally do and I asked him to tell me he hated his self and what he did and he said he hated himself. I asked him"how can you hate yourself and love me at the same time?" He said " I hate who I was but I love who I’m becoming." I realized then I have so much work to do on me while he is working on himself. He is working hard at being a better dad and H. God I see it.

I started really journaling, making my own goals, starting my own story and I feel better. I’m not whole , I’m still very broken but I’m working on ME. I ordered a book called "healing a child within" I have yet to start it because I’m afraid. I know I’ll have to face a reality I avoided for a long time but I’m almost ready. In my life my childhood was great but it was far from that.

I’ve never been vulnerable and I took a shower this week and screamed out to my H because a song came on our Bluetooth that brought me to my knees and I couldn’t stop crying. He came down to the floor with me and held me while I just sobbed. Music means so much to me now and so little to him.

Our dday was Oct 6 and the song is by highly suspect and it’s called "the 8th of October" and if you’re a music person you’ll get it. I couldn’t get off my knees for 15 minutes.

Only me can heal me and I ask you all for your prayers , happy thoughts, good vibes, while I do this. If I disappear for a bit I just need yall to think of me while I fight this uphill battle full
Of emotion and tears. This will be the hardest thing for me to do.

Please get IC. I suggest EMDR because it pulls up memories that you have hidden from yourself or whitewashed the severity of things. You have to give the little child still in you, who keeps you reacting to stress the exact same way you did when young. You need to change the inner dialogue so you can become strong enough to be healthy.

Groot, only positive vibes being sent your way.

While you may have a long way to go in your healing can I tell you how much work you have already done.

The pieces of advice you have given me has been so beneficial and I appreciate it so much.

Groot, sending so much positive thoughts and support your way.

Your advice and support to me the last week has been so helpful and I appreciate it so so much.

Wishing nothing but the best for you on your healing journey and we’re all here if you need to vent.

Mad respect to you, Groot, for coming to this actionable realization.

I found this communities feedback to be invaluable along my journey, but if you feel the need to disengage here for a time (or forever) then I’m proud as fuck of you for pursuing your own good in the way you deem best. Heal well, friend.

Ink thank you friend.

I’m sure I’ll still be lurking here and if needed I will def post and vent but I just feel like some posts or other peoples stories sometimes affect me. It’s hard to explain , sometimes it’s like ripping open a healing wound if that makes sense? I find myself on this page all day and I think I need to focus on me and trying to move forward in a sense. But don’t worry you’re not rid of me yet

It’s hard to explain , sometimes it’s like ripping open a healing wound if that makes sense? I find myself on this page all day and I think I need to focus on me and trying to move forward in a sense.

Totally get it, I definitely had some longer quiet spells. And if you stick around long enough you start to notice that some vets kind of come and go, I think we all need some breaks from thinking about infidelity so regularly. But it’s sure great to have this to fall back on when you need to be heard or have a tough question. I have so much hope for you, truly wish you so much goodness.