SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

For close to 7 months now, I would say my primary emotion has been anger … nothing but 24/7 anger. Over the past few days, I’ve noticed my emotions have made a shift and the anger has been replaced with feelings of sadness and defeat.

I’ve been a lot more emotional and have had a few crying episodes over the past few days, feeling defeated about making my next move in this shit storm. Our anniversary is coming up in a few weeks (maybe that’s the trigger) and I’m so sad about it and just wish this specific date would skip over this year. Our wedding meant so much to me, I loved every moment of it - from the proposal, to the planning, the day itself. This day is tarnished indefinitely, it has lost its significance and makes me sad. It makes me sad to look back to not even a decade ago and how my life has taken such a drastic turn. I never, ever thought this would be MY life … but here I am living this nightmare.

I’m sad to have had a life altering choice made on my behalf and sad that this choice has left me with the choice to either R or D (or all that limbo shit in between) and I’m not confident in making any choice right now. So here I am, taking it day by day and I’m so tired living just day to day. It’s not a way I want to live, but I’m trying to be patient and trust the process. Ugh. I’m just feeling sad today.

Often the anger is masking the sadness, protecting you. The shock has worn off a bit and now you are able to allow the other emotions in. Sounds very normal to me. Let’s hope the defeat is temporary.

Keep taking it day by day, but be sure you are focusing on you and what you need and what you want. Don’t get stuck in limbo.

And hang in there.

Hang in there, I had the same experience where anger turned to complete sadness and despair.

Now I would recommend that this may be a good time to think about getting an objective person to talk to, like a therapist, for yourself. I think you'll feel better if you can talk to someone who can objectively help you find all of the pain points and give you ways to deal with it without moving deeper into resentment. Deep resentment IMO is the next step after this and it is spot where your long term mental damage will happen. You can lose yourself, all enjoyment, and start to retract from the world. (Take it from me, mine is a long story but I've been dealing with my situation for over 20 years, nearly 20 years of resentment which has brought me to a scary place where I finally realized I needed help.)

Whether you D or R in the future, resentment is the thing that builds up slowly and really does a toll on you. Whether it's a therapist, a super close friend, etc- start talking with them about your feelings and have them help you make strategies to discuss and handle the resentment that's building- because resentment unlike anger isn't like lava in a volcano that could blow- but more like sediment on the ocean floor, covering you up more and more, pushing you down more and more until you can't see the light.

I totally feel for you. As you slip into the sadness never forget this: You did not ask for this- you do not deserve this- All of what you are feeling is your WS's fault. Surviving BS means you are WAY stronger than the WS. You are the better person and you can survive this- but don't be like me, talk to someone before resentment eats you alive.

Sending you positive vibes... good luck!

I wish I could feel more angry. Mostly I feel sad and devastated.

BearlyBreathing

Most definitely. Anger has been a safe and protective response to what my WH has caused and I think it’s a lot easier to express anger over hurt. I’m hoping that as these weeks and months go by I can continue to head in some kinda direction. Limbo has been my life for far too long.

SoVeryConfused

Thank you. I know I’m not alone in my feelings, but they sure do suck. I was seeing an IC, but I didn’t like her. So I’m currently on the hunt again for someone else. It’s difficult to find a therapist trained in betrayal trauma. Funny you should mention resentment … this was a very dominant feeling I had for my WH waaaay before his A. Resentment is still very much there as well. I’m hoping I can learn to let some of that go, but my personality won’t let me.

AdLaurel7

I’m sorry that you feel sad too. It sucks so much.