SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thats the question. This place use to so lovely with so much diversity and opinions. There were newer joinees each day posting their stories in each forum, Now a cursory glance shows that only people active for a long time are the ones still posting new thread and very few new joinees. Why is it so?

My guess is because the freestanding Web in general is in drastic decline compared to smartphone-native apps and platforms. Anyone younger than 40 is primarily an Instagram user, younger than 30 its TikTok. What remains of threaded discussion culture that once unfolded on Usene, or WebBBS, or boards like this, has migrated to Reddit.

The topic is, sadly, no less relevant or destructive, but new communities to address it are forming on new platforms. To my mind they have a long way to go to reach the standard of care and insight that was at the core of what DS made here. But nevertheless, I think those platforms are where the new hurting ones are going.

Very true owl. I view Reddit as the minor leagues as far as advice goes. Sure there’s a few good ones helping out, but the real talk is here with the veterans.

I agree - and it seems like when we do have new posters here oftentimes they start with "someone on Reddit sent me here" or something to that effect.

If the site does not show up at the "top" of an internet search, and with so many people having adapted to using their (small) phone screens, it would make sense that fewer are drilling down to read the search results. Even decades ago, it was said by marketing folks that most people don't even get to the second page of any search result.

Optimize! SI is the BEST.

When I joined in 2019 the forums moved very fast, you would could find topics on page 2 that were still active. I don't think SI is alone, I am on other forums (not infidelity related) that 10 years ago were crowded but today a topic doesn't get a response for days. I am thankful that enough people are here to help those that have a reason to find us.

I also see new members hesitant or apologizing for responding to other new members. I think a new member has a lot to offer another new member. I know when I was new it was therapeutic to encourage others, I might not have had solid advice but I could give a virtual hug and a listening ear.

I'm a new member and I found the site by Googling things to do with sex addicts, infidelity, and betrayal. I was using a computer screen, not a phone screen, which would def affect readability for me!

Maybe the trigger words to bring users in could be widened? Or "bumped", somehow on search engines?

To have experienced people respond, you need to keep generating them over time. As people resolve their difficulties, it's not a priority to keep coming back, and in fact may even be triggering??

Also, the advice I got initially was good, but rote. I'd been lurking for days before I posted, read all the topics I got directed to prior. I feel like y'all are a wise, established community and my voice is too inexperienced to have value.

I feel lost often and can't express it well, but reading the threads here IS massively helpful.

[This message edited by gray54 at 12:53 PM, Friday, November 1st]

I also see new members hesitant or apologizing for responding to other new members. I think a new member has a lot to offer another new member. I know when I was new it was therapeutic to encourage others, I might not have had solid advice but I could give a virtual hug and a listening ear.

I agree totally and am glad you brought that up. What I would add to it is I was here initially for 3-4 years. During that time I met a lot of people who helped me though this while going through it themselves. I don’t know where I would be had I not found those people. I wasn’t in much for a few years and then came back to find people I could pay it forward to. But what I really want to say that relates back to Tanners point is many of those same people are here today. And we are now all at a different stage and have so much insight on all the places we have been. It’s unlike anything I ever experienced.

I do think owl is right- the world has changed. And maybe changed even more drastically through the pandemic. So many people building things to entertain us through the lockdown. And for a long time the pandemic was so heavy, people started liking for lighter and spending time watching TikTok’s and you tube. There is a fair amount of decent advice and snippets relating to infidelity on tiktok that helps our short attention spans. I find myself having trouble relating to all the new it all happened so fast.

[This message edited by hikingout at 11:05 PM, Thursday, October 31st]

double post, oops

[This message edited by gray54 at 12:51 PM, Friday, November 1st]

I feel lost often and can't express it well, but reading the threads here IS massively helpful.

This is helpful to point out that vent threads are welcomed because it also helps those lurking relate to exactly how you feel. You may never know or from them, but it makes a difference.

[This message edited by Tanner at 4:39 AM, Friday, November 1st]

I know for me in the early days I did go to other sites, but the quick 30 second read wasn't enough for me. I wanted in-depth information, and back in the day I often scoured the Wayward forum for any tidbits of information that could help me understand what the ____ my WH was doing and more importantly - why. TikTok certainly doesn't do what I want (granted I don't get it in general but I have never been one to follow people online etc - totally not my thing). I wanted to read other people's stories so I could feel marginally better and not alone. And I do know that this site was not one of the first to come up for sure - I found it like 4-5 months post d-day 1 I think and I cannot recall how. But I am a researcher by nature (and by profession) so I just devoured anything I could find - so I am that person that will scroll to page 8 of a google search and look at everything that comes up - this site was a gold mine for me.

I will agree that the usage of sites like this are dwindling in general - a legal forum I use to participate in which had so many members and topics that yours could easily be lost to page 4 or 5 if you didn't respond to it in a day, has recently shut down due to lack of use and dwindling membership.

But I do think that maybe doing some search engine work and getting the site closer to the "top" of a search would help somewhat. But that's def not my area of expertise! lol

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 5:07 PM, Sunday, November 3rd]

I wanted in-depth information, and back in the day I often scoured the Wayward forum for any tidbits of information that could help me understand what the ____ my WH was doing and more importantly - why.

I think the decline in the Wayward forum is a factor in the decline of site traffic in general. When there were many WS on the site, we had a variety of perspectives that drew members in, both the WS who needed advice and the BS who needed insight. Now Reddit has multiple active forums for waywards, with active moderation by fellow WS, and it's natural that people go where they get more feedback. Hikingout does what she can, but her experience doesn't represent that of all waywards, or even most waywards. She and I are both madhatters, which is unusual, and both of us confessed to our BHs without being caught, which is almost unheard of. There is a limit to how relatable we can be with someone who is freshly caught and/or still in the fog.

I think that maybe the BS's with newly discovered A's are busy doing the pick me dance at the direction of Esther Perel.

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 4:04 PM, Wednesday, November 6th]

I blame Mary Poppins. That bitch floats around on her umbrella like breaking physics is a kids game.

I am on Instagram and the algorithm now has me looking at women who were cheated on and they make money by showing others how to manage. They are legions. I was just curious enough to look at a couple and actually follow one. Now I get too many so I have gone back to looking at funny dogs

I can't remember what brought me to SI, but it was definitely a recommendation, followed by a focussed Google search. It's the best forum regarding infidelity I've been on, but it does have a couple of shortcomings, namely that you can't tag a person or reply to a post of theirs in a way which will send them a notification. If this functionality were added, I think it might improve engagement, at least amongst those already on the site.

I am well over 80 years of age. All that means is that I have seen a lot of stuff change over the years. There was a saying I used to hear and it is true. The only Constant you can rely on is Change. Change is all you can rely on.

The posters who said nowadays younger people rely on their smart phones and sound bites were spot on. I have a lot of trouble reading those small smartphone screens... forget about these old arthritic fingers typing out a text message. However, I am a dinosaur now because I favor sitting in front of a computer screen and reading a thread through and through.

Now then, (this is just my personal empirical evidence and I know of no studies performed to back me up), the smartphone, along with sites such as TikTok and Instagram, has contributed to a very large part of the population developing ADD. Not many people today want to take the time to read a message that has more than one paragraph. From my personal perspective most people looking for answers don't want to spend much time reading to find their answer. They want their magical answer and they want it "now". I especially think they get turned off when they read here that it usually takes from 2 to 5 years for a betrayed or a cheater to heal. (Doc, please take out your prescription pad and write out a prescription for a pill that will instantly heal me)

I especially like to watch my grandchildren when they visit. They are now in their 20s. They will sit down and take out their smartphone, turn it on, scroll down and read all they want to in 5 to 10 seconds. Then they will turn off their phones and do something else. That is, unless they begin playing games on their smartphones. Only one of my grandchildren (the youngest who is a pre-med student) will sit down and read a book. But, I feel he is the exception rather than the rule.

I also think that search engines have a lot to do it. I remember how I found this site. In 2018 I had watched a Filipino movie with a catchy title on Netflix. It was called "The Love Affair". The movie started off with the betrayed husband seeing his wife being handsy and way too familiar with his best friend. He accused her of cheating. She denied it, of course. Finally after some interrogation she admitted to kissing his best friend. However, she kept insisting that just because she kissed his best friend that she did not cheat. My wife and I discussed whether or not if kissing another was cheating. The next day I googled "Is Kissing Cheating". No where did Surviving Infidelity show up in the first 2 pages of recommendations. I went from one site to another until I found a website where one of the posters recommended SI.

I don't know how a website gets to be one of the first ones recommended by Google... probably it costs them a lot of money.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on why the traffic is so slow here.

[This message edited by lrpprl at 5:09 PM, Sunday, November 10th]

I was fairly active on this site but I found another organization that I felt had a better philosophy for me. At the time I found many members here (not all, but several) who were way too quick with the 2x4's and not really helpful for getting responses to help organize my thoughts, and I felt judged and belittled for not knowing what I wanted.

I haven't posted here in a couple years, I've healed and grown since then, I'm not as sensitive, and I have more understanding for a BS responding out of their own pain and hurt.

This doesn't answer the question of new people joining and posting, but I thought I would post my response anyway. It's been quite a while.

It seems a lot of people go directly to platforms they’re already familiar with, already using for other discourse.

I’d have to say, SI seems to be more tame with the 2x4’s compared to some other forums. It also seems that SI is more neutral regarding R vs D.

Some platforms have a forum for everything from D leaning to R leaning, Red Pill anti marriage, you name it, there’s an echo chamber tailor made.

[This message edited by RealityBlows at 8:19 PM, Sunday, November 10th]

I will say the only reason I found this is because of Reddit. I agree, I googled infidelity so much and this website wasn’t even on the first page of results. I wish I found it sooner.