user4578 (original poster member #84572) posted at 4:59 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2024
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[This message edited by user4578 at 8:07 PM, Sunday, November 10th]
wimperbroke ( new member #85433) posted at 9:31 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2024
Sorry you're going through this. It's the same for me. Always feeling triggered or reminded on some way, sadness is a trigger, even joy is a trigger: on the day I found out, minutes before I found out I was the happiest I had been all week and was excited to tell her about it and at that moment is when I found out. I feel like I can never be happy again. Everything is a trigger. I hate my life now. I am always seeing images in my mind of the event, I always hear her shout in my ear. I feel a shiver down my spine when I think about her and I can't concentrate on anything. I am so so sick of it :(.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 9:44 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2024
Eventually you are going to grow tired, there is only so much the body can take, and you will eventually detach and resent him. My XWS did not care about my triggers either. He still continued to come home late, expect me to just get over his A's, and was not empathetic towards me.
You already know you don't have to keep doing this. One day you won't care if he is in this band or not you will just leave out of sheer frustration and just being done. Your WS better be careful for what he is prioritizing. My xWS was shocked when I left. He didn't think I had it in me. I proved him wrong. Been happier than a clam ever since.
Maybe you should start to detach from him for a bit.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 9:45 PM, Wednesday, November 6th]
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 10:58 PM on Thursday, November 7th, 2024
He continues to put your relationship secondary.
He knew this would hurt and he did it anyway.
He's not looking for a replacement band [not really] and he has no intention of leaving his current one. Any promises made about doing so are to avoid an argument or to get you to STFU and it buys him a bit more time.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
AND...if he does end up quitting - be prepared for him to resent you and weaponize that decision for the rest of your days.
There’s just no escape from it.
Gently...there is. You can escape anytime you want to. You just have to want the escape more than the heartache of staying. The only one holding you back is you - and you reserve the right to escape at any time you choose. WHEN and IF you are ready. That isn't pressure - you have to do what is right for you. And...know it also OK to be sad after doing so (again if/when you choose).
While he is a big baby in a man's body - he's not a diaper and you can't change him.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 5:29 AM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024
This shit hurts. We get it.
BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer
Eric1964 ( new member #84524) posted at 1:08 PM on Sunday, November 10th, 2024
@wimperbroke:
I hate my life now.
That's very worrying. I've read your profile and you're in great pain. Do you have someone you can talk to in real life? I think you desperately need perspective. Sometimes, we feel that our horizons are defined by our relationship and, when that relationship is bad, everything is bad. However, there is a world outside your relationship...
WW always had a not-entirely negative attitude to affairs.Affair with ex-coworker, DDay1 2009-12-31; affair resumed almost immediately, DDay2 2010-06-11. Sex life poor. Possibly other affair(s) before 2009.
