Hi all, quick summary before the main story lol...I found out about my cheating (ex) fiance 2 years ago and tried to fight for us. He couldn't even say we were worth fighting for, gave a million and one excuses, etc. The typical stuff and turns out he was on dating sites and stuff while we were together. Long story short, broke up with him and stopped all contact over a year ago. He's blocked on all social media but a few months ago he requested to follow me on instagram and messaged me "can we please talk" with the little prayer hand emoji. LOL no thanks. I didn't respond to him obviously but it still made me half pissed/half laugh. I've done a lot of healing from this one and I am proud to say that I can look at a picture of him and/or us now and not feel bad or really feel anything when before I would bawl like a baby. So yay me lol.
Anyways, back to the reason for this post. In May, I met this new guy. We hit it off immediately and we spent every day together hanging out, going to different things, etc. I went to his daughters graduation honoring ceremony (We are Native American), his family cookouts, my family cookout, etc. He was the first man that I talked to since I broke up with my ex that I just clicked with and felt at peace with. I had talked to other guys since then but no sparks or anything. Well, we slept together after a week of hanging out which isn't something I do, but I just felt good with him. We had talked everyday for a month prior so it isn't like I just jumped into bed with him, but also doesn't matter either way lol. But he had his issues (as we all do) and came with a lot of baggage. He has 7 kids and that was a lot for me as I don't have any yet, but I understood the circumstances of his kids. Despite the lot of kids, he was spoken of well in the community and many family members also spoke well of him. So I decided to give him a chance, I decided a 6 month trial run would suffice lol. We hashed out a bunch of stuff the first couple weeks we were spending time together. Thoughts, beliefs, expectations, etc. For the most part, we aligned pretty good. Well, I traveled over the summer but we talked almost every day or at least every couple of days. It was going well until he had a bunch of out-of-his-hands family drama happen at the end of summer that pretty much sent his life into a spiral. When I got back, we talked and agreed that with everything going on to just be friends with occasional benefits. This went well for the last few months, but we both still liked each other but life wasn't aligning at the time.
Yesterday, after we had chatted a bit back and forth casually, I confronted him about a rumor I heard about him that he was living with another woman out of state. Of course that kind of hurt me / made me mad because he still was talking to me and just yesterday he was like "I think things are going to work out for us to be together. I'm really trying to get my stuff lined back up and straightened out." Prior to me asking, he was super flirty and saying he was gonna come see me soon but after I asked he got all butt-hurt about me asking but said he was actually living with his sister, etc. Red Flag-- I know. I know it sounds messed up, and it kind of is, but it's also typical Reservation drama.
Anywhoo, I was pissed because he hit me with the "I think it's best if we are just friends" so I asked him to define what friendship was because we were already technically only friends. He couldn't answer that and like 15 hours later sent me a tik tok about girls wanting to be in relationships etc. Well this just pissed me off so I asked him if that's what he was doing- just going to ignore my question for clarification and just send me tik toks. Crickets....
I've pretty much already accepted that a relationship with him isn't going to happen and I'm ok with that. Realistically, I deserve more, a partner who can make me a better person/build with me. Not to sound conceited, but I have a lot to offer someone. I have 2 Bachelor degrees and I'm finishing up my 2nd Masters now. I pay my own bills, own my own car, have a great job, etc. I have no kids or baggage to speak of. I'm just kinda pissed that I gave this asshole a chance and now he's hitting me with a "we should just be friends." It is what it is, I'm not gonna beg a man to commit to me when he clearly doesn't want to. I'm just salty right now. I wish I could just find one good guy who shared my beliefs and goals. I'm almost 30 and I just want to be in a loving, committed relationship without all the games. The dating pool where I live in is small and kinda polluted- I live in a very rural area and the nearest big town is 2 hours away. I'm tired of liars, manipulators, and just overall terrible people. I don't know what I want from this post, I just kind of wanted to vent in a safe place. I want to try again and I want to find love, but when I put myself out there shit like this happens. I know this post is kind of all over the place, but thanks for reading if you did.
