SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Honestly, I would not. It sounds like your version would be dramatically different then the friend. If he reaches out and gives you the opportunity to clarify, I would.

I completely understand as I would feel a need to set the record straight but describing this friend as a brother vs a woman he met two weeks ago...I would not want any part of that dynamic.

He has acknowledged you did nothing wrong... so it is for him to reconcile in his head if he can.

Thoughts?

You get one life. You like this guy. I say do what’s in your heart.

Listen you did nothing wrong.

You asked for opinions and all I can do is give it from my perspective.

I can't speak for every guy, but there is no way in hell that I would want to be in a relationship with a girl where my best friend (or any friend for that matter) not only was naked with her previously but also received a BJ from her.

I don't care if it was ten yrs ago or twenty yrs ago I'm just not going down that road.

If this guy hasn't reached out to you by now more than likely he's thinking the same way.

Just leave him be and chalk it up to a bad coincidence.

You get one life. You like this guy. I say do what’s in your heart.

Thank you okokok for these wonderful words. I did message him and just let him know that I missed him. He responded that he missed me too and it felt like longer than two weeks that we had know each other.

I told him to take his time, but that I would love to see him again.

To those of you that said I shouldn't pursue this, I understand. He may not be able to move past this, and I will be ok with that. But he is worth being vulnerable for.

You can never go wrong living your truth. If he isn't interested due to an encounter, that's his loss.

I understand you wanting to pursue this but just know even if he's willing to try to give it a go with you it may become very uncomfortable at some point (for him).

Like the three of you in the same room at the same time.

He may not be able to move past this, and I will be ok with that. But he is worth being vulnerable for.

I think it's awesome that you reached out. So much beauty and bravery in that vulnerability. Pretty badass if you ask me.

Keep us updated :)

Thank you all...and thank you Okokok for that message last night. He picked me up at 645 last t night. We drove across the city and talked. He said he wished I had been more forthcoming about what happened. I explained that it was a shock, and it was also not an evening that I wanted to remember. It was two years ago and clouded by alcohol. The friend told him that there was minimal alcohol. Our recollections differ,clearly. I choose to let that go. My guy says he's spoken to his friend and the friend says that he should go for it and we will all make it work. I agree.

I was afraid that our flirty banter would be awkward, but we totally got back on track and he was wonderful. We picked up burgers - it's Le Burger week here - and since we couldn't get a seat for 90 minutes we went back to his place to eat.

All was good from that point on, and I think that we are in a good place now. Without a doubt this will come back to bite, but I think we can deal.

I did mention, as someone said here, that this is alot of drama to start a new relationship with. He agreed and asked if I wanted out? I said no, and he agreed.

So here we are. I'm much happier this morning. He's off to the lake with his daughter and son in law for the weekend; so glad we are back on track now.

thank you all for your wisdom, advice and support.

[This message edited by Freedom2013 at 8:58 AM, September 3rd (Thursday)]

Great to hear :)

I'm rooting for you ❤❤❤❤

UPDATE - After weeks of trying he decided he couldn't get past it. It was always in his head. He ended things Wednesday and I am beyond devastated. He was everything I was looking for. We were kind to one another and both very sad. And while I understand I am devastated and just want to cry. I am focusing on exercising, staying away from wine. I don't feel hungry and I just feel so very sad. I needed to vent. All I want is for him to change his mind. (Don't worry- I won't reach out to him)

Hi Freedom, while I’m not surprised by the outcome-I’m truly sorry.

I have to imagine that if said friend would have been a bit more tactful, maybe the mind movies would have been forgotten. But I do understand, unless there is a child involved, I really have no desire to be in that close of a dynamic with an ex (whatever) of someone I’m dating.

You were honest and sincere. You are taking care of yourself-and deserve that focus.

I'm very sorry to hear that. Fistbump.

Oh man, I'm sorry. And you had a whole extra month to get to know him...dangit. Hey, you both tried. Virtual hug headed your way.

He’s honest and that’s admirable.

I’m sorry it didn’t work out. But just remember you were in the early throes of the relationship when everything is “wonderful “. It may be too soon to see the real him.

Sorry for you.

SO, I know this was originally posted awhile ago. But I have to say, I'm so surprised people feel this way! Maybe its the situations that I've been in but I don't see the concern.

You were with someone, you had sexual relations with them, and it didn't work out. But there was a reason you liked him in the first place. Makes sense to me that you would later be close to a friend of his.

I know how this will sound but there was a summer where 2 of my friends and I all dated the same guy at some point. It makes sense. We were all similar and we all respected him and thought he was a great guy. It just didn't work out for any of us (for different reasons).

But, if this guy has a problem with it, then its good to let him go. Also, his friend sounds like an a** so maybe this guy is one as well, you just didn't see it yet.