Topic is Sleeping.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 3:45 AM on Monday, December 19th, 2022
You don’t need your H to admit he’s having an affair.
If he won’t admit it, that should raise all kinds of 🚩.
Especially that he will cheat in you again b/c he’s just THAT person!
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
crisisac (original poster member #18486) posted at 4:54 AM on Monday, December 19th, 2022
There’s ZERO trust for him since 2007. The woman is only part of the problem He’s the real problem for me. He’s the one that allowed this contact to be sneaky, affair etc.
I’m just not sure I want to go through what I went through in 2008. It was awful. I kicked him out then things got super complicated for me. And very easy for him. I had to coparent with him and that was a nightmare. I also had no help with my children. I worked and had the beginning stages of a chronic illness that I still have.
I’m a SAHM now but I would still have to coparent with him. My kids are older so that might be easier now.
I want any separation divorce to be as smooth as it can be for me and kids.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 6:01 AM on Monday, December 19th, 2022
Unfortunately you cannot control him whether you are married and together, separated or divorcing.
He has just shown you that he has no intention of being honest, transparent and monogamous.
Will a divorce be easy? Hell no. But you have to weigh the pros and cons of a divorce or staying together.
There is going to be pain and hard times for you either way. Together - he’s going to cheat. He’s shown you that.
Divorce will be a process BUT you will not be forced to watch him continue to cheat. 10+ years later your kids are older. They are not babies. They will be ok.
What will not be ok is for them to watch you suffer in a marriage. You cannot "pretend" to be happy or endure what you are going through now without it affecting you. Your kids will see your pain and resentment at some point.
If you choose to stay married, you are going to have to come to terms with who he really is. And accept it. Because he doesn’t seem to want to stop being a lying cheating jerk.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Topic is Sleeping.
