SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Tell your GF something along these lines:
You are free to be with OM and whatever. I place no obligation or have any expectation of you. I am moving on. I will strive to be the best coparent I can for the sake of our child, but I need some emotional distance from you while we establish a non-romantic relationship moving forwards.

Then leave.
Get everything in order.
Is there a formal custody arrangement? Is it clear how support and benefits go?
Do you have any joint asset or debt or commitment?
Clarify everything. Start the process of separating your lives.

You don’t have to hate her, but as a rule people that separate don’t hang around being friends. It’s OK if you can, and possibly in a year or two it makes sense. But for NOW distance yourself. Detach. Recover emotionally.

Thank you for a clarifying post, helped sort my head out a bit. Thank all of you above, actually, good advice and I greatly appreciate it! I agree with most of what you write, with the exception of her being with the OM. I mean, I completely understand she being free to see whoever she wants, but I’ve told her that I never, ever wanna she that man around my kid - I’m not sure how I would react if he was to be around my kid. Don’t think he is long term though, so hoping I’ll never have to face the issue.

I’ve also told her I want absolutely nothing to do with her, I want her GONE from my life,with the only exception being necessary custody related communication. It’s gonna be quite a change for our son, as he is used to us being a close knit family. Breaks my heart. But the alternative is me being completely miserable with her being (seemingly) happy when all three of us are together, and I don’t want my son to see me that way. She’s really good at pretending, obviously (or maybe she just cares/cared so little for me that she isn’t heartbroken in the same way around me).

The formalities are in place, though she owes me some money I’ll probably never get back.

I’m going to lay down two hard facts on you:

You can’t control what people your former GF has around your kids if they are not doing anything that child-protection services would consider harmful.
Now – It would be in extreme bad taste and display a moral lacking for anyone – you or her or me or whatever – to have your kid around new flames or starting romances. If she had a pattern of that then you could possibly warn CPS that your child is now calling all men dad because he’s finding a new one in his/her mom bed every weekend. But totally 100% honestly and brutally: It’s not within your control.

The second fact: IF the new guy and your gf hit if off and it’s true love and white horses and all that… You would PRAY and HOPE that he’s a nice, decent man who can care and love your child like his own. Just like maybe some years from now you might find a new love – you would hope the future Mrs. Jallababetretoen is loving and caring of your oldest child.
A child can have too much neglect, but never enough love and caring.

I’m not making these statements to hurt you, but rather to help you deal with the REALITY of your situation.

I’m not making these statements to hurt you, but rather to help you deal with the REALITY of your situation.

I need to see my therapist 😓
Appreciate the straight up, honest (though brutal) perspective. ❤️