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I called my doctor the day wh was arrested to ask for something. He said he was sending a prescription for thr antidepressants I was on before. I went to get them and they had no record.

I just haven't called my doctor back about it. Part of me doesn't trust him anymore. I think if I got some decent rest I'd be handling things better.

Last night was all nightmares. The kids went to their grandparents and when I went to pick them up wh punched me and refused to let them come home. I was so unnerved when I woke up I couldn't get back to sleep.

Ugh, the nightmares are terrible. I would have several nightmares through the night, all about XWH and AP trying to kill me. It took a few years before they finally went away.

Call the nurse and say you talked to the doctor but didn't get the pharmacy didn't get the scrip. Give the nurse details about the nightmares. How many nights (every night and 3-4 times per night, 3-4 nights per week, etc.) The nurse is the power behind the throne.

There's no nurse at his office that is there all the time. I typically just speak with reception. I don't even think the nurse takes calls.

I'll call and ask though.

Another night of nightmares though I can't remember them as clearly as the other ones. I know it make me jolt awake.

The nightmares are awful. I had them for years, that ex-asshat was trying to kill me. I still dream about him once in a while but now they're where we're back together and I'm panicking because I don't know why I went back to him.

I hope your doctor gets something called in to help.

now they're where we're back together and I'm panicking because I don't know why I went back to him.

I have these too and I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm having them since I definitely do not miss nor ever want to be back with the ex. Blech

I saw a FB meme yesterday that said

"I'd cut off my hand before I reached for you again".

Ummm ya totally!

I haven't had any dreams of being back with him. Just ones with him and AP taunting me, him punching me and not letting me have the kids back after a visit. Ya that one woke me up!

Last night I didn't sleep much at all with my appointment at the police station today. I got through it. Only broke down once. I was shaking and scared but it's over now.

I was asked if I had been contacted by victim services which I have been but the counselor at womans resources who sees the kids got me set up for IC there. There's no limits to how long I can see someone there.

Officer was concerned for my mental health and safety.

I was back at the station yesterday because I forgot one thing. Another hour long session. Ugh.

Due to a few incidents with dd, her and I have an appointment tomorrow. She's been having nightmares and high anxiety lately. The officer told me a detective would be contacting me about some things and then want to talk to dd as well but first he wants to talk to her in person. He had spoken to her on the phone.

He also said that he's reached out to victim services for both dd and myself. I have IC through womans resources starting in a few weeks. Dd and ds already see someone there as well.

I was terrified that making a full report to police woukd result in wh snapping and coming after me. So I'm on edge constantly.

I have to make my statement about the assault on video this week and have an appointment at the police station. I was shaking while on the phone with the officer who will be doing it.

Of course, I am heartbroken that you are having to go through this.

But I must say that I believe it will be to your advantage for the officer to be able to visibly see and hear your anxiety and stress and fear. I think those things are hard to fake And officers can tell when they’re real. I think it will go to your advantage that he will see that these things really happened to you and the real effect they are having on you and the kids.

Sorry this is so long after your request for helpful supports with anxiety. I highly recommend the Anxiety Release app (free) which my counselor has me use. There are several options, music or not, words or not, so try out different ones to see what works for you.

What you are going through is just horrific. No one should have to go through this to gain their freedom and peace. Perhaps your new IC can determine if you have PTSD or CPTSD from the trauma you are continuing to experience.

I hope you know that you have such a strong, fierce mama bear in you that has been there for your kids every single time. Sending you admiration, strength, and hugs.

Dd and I had the appointment with police today. She did amazing. I'm so proud of her.

Things will proceed. A detective will be in contact to interview her.

Victim services will also contact us.

As much as I'm a mess, she's been through so damn much I'm surprised she isn't a disaster. She holds it all together so well it's hard to tell she's been through so much.

You are both amazing!!! You are doing a fantastic job with those kids while going through hell.

Thank you.

Having an officer say that what wh did was wrong really hits hard.

How good a mother am I really that I saw one incident and didn't do anything?

At least now with what dd has said and the statements from others who witnessed things I did not, hopefully wh will be held accountable.

You have been a mama bear fighting for the kids medical needs for years. I remember you being accused of being at fault for one or maybe more of your kids medical issues. You kept fighting to get testing and answers. You have always been an advocate for them!!!

You're always there to take care of them when they are sick and make sure everything is in order for school, for four of them!!

He is responsible for what he has done.

You are doing the right things for yourself and for them. And your doing it without ANY help from him. Give yourself some grace.

Again thank you.

I'm glad I have IC lined up for myself because I have a ton of guilt.

Hearing someone say dd has been sexually assaulted is a shock. Thank God it didn't go as far as it could have.

And to think I was in love with the man capable of being an abuser.

It's all jjst been made so real and yet it's so hard to accept it ad reality.

Hi Drgn,

Don't be too hard on yourself. From what you've shared about the women in your family putting up with abuse from their partners and remaining with them when others would scream at them to leave... it's not a surprise that you were imprinted to be attracted to potential abusers. FOO is a bitch.

What's amazing about you is that you've finally had enough and you're taking dramatic action to remove yourself and your children from this abusive man. You're changing the cycle of abuse, the "generational sins" of choosing toxic partners. You're showing your children that change CAN happen and one doesn't have to accept or even tolerate anything less than safety and kindness.

Yes, they were exposed to this mess, HOWEVER, you're exposing them to change, personal growth and showing them what real courage looks like.

You're amazing. Keep going, one step at a time. You'll get through this with your children and show them what strength and courage look like. On the other side, you'll find peace and your children will have the opportunity to see what home life should be.

Thank you MIgander.

We got a call this morning from the person investigating the allegations dd and I made. We went in to the atation again and dd did amazing. She didn't show any signs of being nervous or upset. She gave her statement on video of what happened and answered questions. She is an amazing, strong young woman.

Me on the other hand was a nervous wreck! I couldn't go in with her. I understand they wanted her to be open and honest and not be influenced at all with me sitting there. But I was still just so scared for her.

So we are now home and I think it's just going to be a movie night with popcorn after i get them to eat something decent for dinner.

Good call on movie night! I'm glad to hear what a strong young woman you have in your DD. It's also good hearing that you and your kids are reaching out for counseling. You're all going to need it to get through this mess and to the other side.

Hugs to you and your kids!

The older two kids are in IC.

The twins start a group thing in September.

I got a text about a cancelation for tomorrow for IC for me. I was scheduled for September.

I'm glad through this service there's no limits to sessions and I can use it as long as I need it. Same with the kids.

Hope you have a good fit with your counselor. The first sessions can feel tedious because the intake is like a fact-finding mission for the counselor. When it comes to your treatment plan, let them know where you want to focus.

Well this was through the same service I went to last year. It was the kids IC who suggested I see someone there again.

There's 2 IC. I wanted to try the one I hadn't seen so they put me on her schedule for September. Then I got a text that they messed up and woukd be putting me with the IC I had seen. Later that day I got a call from the ic I hadn't seen that again they messed up and I was back on her schedule.

Since I was rattled due to today's events I didnt notice that the cancelation was for the IC I disnt want to see again. So I've left a message and hopefully can straighten it out tomorrow morning.

Talk about confusing lol

I need an IC who will help guide me through the trauma, learn new coping strategies, etc. Not just sit and listen to me blab on for an hour. Lol