SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you for the feedback. I really do appreciate all of the input. I know this is new territory for me and you all have been here a lot longer.

I will do what I can to avoid the former friend. Pretty sure we'll cancel our pool membership. They skipped church last week and we went. I think and hope she is more afraid of running into me than I am of her. She actually was supposed to have my kid in class this year and the schedule was changed due to conflict. If I have to next year, I'll talk to the school counselor and say why my kids can't have her as a teacher. WH understands what I expect of him as far as NC. I won't uproot my kids from their activities and lives because of his stupid mistake. We can just get divorced. This is his responsibility and if he can't behave, it's over. I'll be ready the next time. He knows it.

That being said, we've talked a lot. I believe what he's told me at this point, and I believe he's remorseful. I read through his texts but then he told me about the texts he had deleted, and the things they said in person (about cheating). He answers my questions about the details, again and again. We've always had tracking on each other and know each others phone passwords. We talked to our pastor and have follow ups scheduled. We're doing the Lasting app, and the affair books we ordered arrive today. I think we're on the right track right now.

Have you called her husband and told him?

his stupid mistake

A mistake is forgetting to grab a gallon of milk at the grocery store. Your WH made conscious decisions and intentional choices to betray you and your family. This isn't just an oopsie. He lied to you, he kept intimacy from you, and he spent time with her that he could have been investing in you and your family.

What work is he doing to change from a cheater to a safe partner?

I’m glad he seems to be moving in the right direction. Some things to consider before you give the gift of R.

This early after Dday a WS will do anything and everything to appease the BS to just move on. He will thumb through the books and kiss up to you, but not really do any work. He will gaslight and manipulate you into silence. He will call it a "mistake", and possibly blame you for his issues.

You are still in the shock phase and see him as you thought he was, your anger is just a couple of months around the corner and it will change your perspective on this whole thing.

He needs consequences, this is one of worst things that have happened to you, it needs to be for him also. He needs to buckle up, it’s gonna be rough a ride. He must do counseling to figure out how he was able to do this. Be careful with pastoral counseling because they tend to push for getting over it. Don’t let this go, deal with every emotion,and process the trauma its tough journey to healing.

Good to read he is moving in the right direction. Great advice from leafields and tanner. Watch his actions not his words. It takes humility to confront your worst behavior. He should be concerned with your pain and be empathetic, and not wallow in his own shame or guilt. Take care of you. Your anger is coming. Good luck.

Please tell her husband if you haven’t. He needs to know what his wife was up to. The wife of my WWs AP knew what was going on and she divorced him, but never gave me even a heads up. She knew who I was and it would have saved me months of agony if I had known what she did. She made a decision for me that she had no right to. Give him the choice.

I agree with the others. The betrayed husband of the WW (the WW being your WH's affair partner that is) needs and deserves to know. He is a betrayed spouse just as you are. Please tell him ASAP of the affair between his wife and your husband.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 7:49 PM, Wednesday, August 23rd]

Sienna,

Please consider exposing to her husband.

It's horrible to have to be locked in with someone your spouse has cheated with.

I'm stuck with my brother in law who groped my W when we were dating and although it's decades ago it's still triggering to see him. He is not an OM in that my W was not willing and the attention was unwanted.

I was in a similar situation. WH had an affair with a married friend, we had dinner with them often. We cut all contact but we ended up at many social events with them, it was horrible. Hang in there, get IC for you, it will help.