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What are some posters suggesting? Women stick to the harem and wear burkas when in public?

I had a similar thought, and then balanced it with the thought that clubbing on GNO is the equivalent of a boys night at the strip club. Both cheap scratching of the stereotypical gender itch. Clearly, all just my opinion.

Interesting responses and food for thought. To be clear:

My wife going on a girls night out has never been, nor will be, an issue to me. She is allowed to do this, it is her life and she can do with it what she wishes. This should be the case for all women. She likes to dress up as it makes her feel good. She dances with her friends, not other men. I am allowed to go to concerts and headbang along to heavy music with friends in the same way. It is neither of our faults that other people behave in the way they do.

She told me about all this as she is so much more acutely aware of predatory behaviour now. I think it is good that she is happy to open up to me about such things rather than keeping them to herself. But that is a digression.

We, as women, have to take precautions. It's a sad state in some ways but it's our reality. But the conversation really ought to be about men (these types of men not all) respecting women. Not women living like shut ins.

Spot on. I have been known to approach women who look like they might be in an awkward situation to check they are OK. I find it upsetting that they might think that I am another of these assholes.

All that said, assuming I’m right, this clearly implies that Hellfire has the vibe, can’t even control it wink tongue smooch

You are backing up my theory of the gender divide! If adonni (plural of adonis??) like us are not getting the attention then anecdotally it must be true (Hellfire's vibe notwithstanding)

@Bigger - she has taken this part further at work. Don't want to say more about that here but a good point well made.

Oh I am not saying that every pig won’t find their mud

I think this is what it comes down to sadly. Some guys think that 100 attempts for 1 success is worth it. The fact that they don't care how they get there is just all kinds of messed up.

I had a similar thought, and then balanced it with the thought that clubbing on GNO is the equivalent of a boys night at the strip club. Both cheap scratching of the stereotypical gender itch. Clearly, all just my opinion.

Sorry IH, have to disagree here. Guys at strip clubs are paying money to look at other women. It isn't like those women are going to harrass them to go home with them. In fact they will just be trying to get the guys to part with their money! The guy completely has the upper hand in there as to what he does with his money, or could walk out.

Girls on the night out are getting unwanted attention, and if they walk out and go somewhere else, they are likely to get the same.

You are backing up my theory of the gender divide! If adonni (plural of adonis??) like us are not getting the attention then anecdotally it must be true (Hellfire's vibe notwithstanding)

Lol. In all seriousness, women do not have to put out a vibe at all. They only have to be female.

And when I do have a friend "on the prowl" it’s not going to be the gnat that is working the room. It’s going to be the man at the bar minding his business (I am looking at you nice guy lol) and most of the time she is either going to approach him or make it reasonably obvious she wants him to approach her.

There are lots of men who are this:

I think this is what it comes down to sadly. Some guys think that 100 attempts for 1 success is worth it. The fact that they don't care how they get there is just all kinds of messed up

.

Those are the ones who mostly overtly hit on women. Women know this, it doesn’t make us feel special. They are little sales guys out peddling their penis. Women don’t need penis peddled.

Sorry IH, have to disagree here. Guys at strip clubs are paying money to look at other women. It isn't like those women are going to harrass them to go home with them. In fact they will just be trying to get the guys to part with their money! The guy completely has the upper hand in there as to what he does with his money, or could walk out.

Girls on the night out are getting unwanted attention, and if they walk out and go somewhere else, they are likely to get the same.

Yes, agree.I have been, those women are naked and spreading their legs and touching themselves . It’s live porn. Very very different.

I can’t say I agree with your analysis, Ozzy, but I’ve said my piece and we can disagree.

Just let me know when those Greek God looks start doing their magic for you

Like the slipknot reference. I’m a big fan.

I like live music and a drink, I have never cheated on my husband.

I have been propositioned many times in cafes, bars, on the street, at work, catching the train to work in business attire! Sometimes I’m polite and sometimes I’m rude - depending on how the man approached me.

I no longer wear a wedding ring. I still won’t cheat.

Aged 12-14 adult men would try to chat me up. School uniform wasn’t a barrier. My slipknot tshirt and ripped jeans wasn’t a barrier with sleazy men not into metal (I get it if the guys into metal too - I would have been polite ). Funnily you get far less hassle in rock bars. More ‘sorry I have a partner - great band though - have fun’.

Work conference - wearing appropriate dinner attire - yep walked back to the hotel and the male host tried it on - I reported that one to his company. That happened multiple times!

I went to clubs/bars for music - it’s so important to me. I wear what I want, I won’t change my appearance for anyone. But yep it’s really annoying. But I don’t cheat for me.

It’s not the clothes I believe it’s a numbers game.

this clearly implies that Hellfire has the vibe, can’t even control it wink

If you're implying that I'm putting out vibes that I'm available, and inviting this bullshit,you couldn't be more wrong. I actually hate being flirted with.

I'm also not the only woman who has commented that they're hit on frequently, regardless of where they are,or how they're dressed.

The absolute last thing I want,or need, is a man to approach me thinking I'm the kind of woman who would enjoy cheating on my husband. I have rock solid boundaries. I don't dress in revealing clothes, and I'm not really a friendly person,I'm actually extremely introverted. I conduct myself well when in public. I don't look at other men. I'm much more likely to notice an attractive woman. And I'm very straight.

As Hiking mentioned, we find it creepy, not at all flattering.

[This message edited by HellFire at 3:45 PM, Tuesday, March 19th]

My girlfriends and I love going to bars to socialize with fun adult concoctions flowing. We do not go to pick up men or get attention. Hell, I often go with my adult daughter. Any unwanted attention we receive is ignored.

What are some posters suggesting? Women stick to the harem and wear burkas when in public?

I don't think this thread should be about what women should be allowed to do.

Men need to learn that they aren't entitled to continue to try to give a woman their attention, once she has clearly said she's not interested.

Yes..women should be allowed to go to bars,clubs,the store,church, etc, without men thinking it's ok to invade her personal space. But, history has proven that is not the case.

[This message edited by HellFire at 3:50 PM, Tuesday, March 19th]

If you're implying that I'm putting out vibes that I'm available, and inviting this bullshit,you couldn't be more wrong. I actually hate being flirted with.

I fully believe you, it was meant only in jest. I apologize for even calling this into question, won’t happen again.

Me too HF, was trying to keep a serious topic as lighthearted as possible. Wasn't for a moment implying you would invite anything either. So apologies if the joke came across poorly from my end as well.

I don't think this thread should be about what women should be allowed to do.

Men need to learn that they aren't entitled to continue to try to give a woman their attention, once she has clearly said she's not interested.

Yes..women should be allowed to go to bars,clubs,the store,church, etc, without men thinking it's ok to invade her personal space. But, history has proven that is not the case.

Nail on head.

ABCD:

Funnily you get far less hassle in rock bars. More ‘sorry I have a partner - great band though - have fun’.

I agree! There is definitely an all inclusive vibe at any heavy stuff I go to, no pretension, just there for the love of the music.

Apologies to all the women that are trying to live their lives that you have to deal with so much of this

It's ok guys.

It kinda triggered me.

On dday1, wh said one of the reasons he cheated, was because he has seen men flirt with me,and no one flirted with him, and he was jealous. He also said it wasn't my fault,and he saw that I didn't welcome that attention. But..he said it. And, as you know, words are hard to forget. 15 years later, anytime a man flirts with me,my betrayed brain immediately hopes he doesn't use this as an excuse to cheat.

Stupid shit cheaters say..

I don't think it really matters what you're wearing or where you're at. I've had men approach me when I'm dressed up in a lounge. I've also had them hit when I'm wearing leather chaps and jeans at a biker bar. There are those (M & F) who are just predators. I have perfected a pretty good "stink eye" that turns them away quickly. Not interested.

Now my WH didn't have that talent.

Sorry IH, have to disagree here. Guys at strip clubs are paying money to look at other women. It isn't like those women are going to harrass them to go home with them. In fact they will just be trying to get the guys to part with their money!

2 weeks after I kicked my xww out of the house I went to a strip club with a bunch of buddies. Met a stripper. She sat on my lap for 4 hrs until they closed. All I did was buy her drinks. She heard me and my friends saying we were going to go eat at Taco Cabana. She showed up. Took me home. I saw her for about 2 months. We stopped seeing each other when she decided my kids were a dealbreaker.

[This message edited by GoldenR at 5:42 PM, Tuesday, March 19th]

I think these things are triggering in general because it just seems like there is always someone there to say "you must have done something to deserve that".

But I think it’s generally men who could never imagine doing such a thing and can’t believe men do this shit unprovoked. So for that I can understand.

I just despair that a group of females can't have a night out without being propositioned all night, even after telling guys that they are married with kids.

OK, Sir Galahad, you can put your armor back in the closet now.

Men are going to hit on attractive women. As long as they're not being overly aggressive and coercive, there's nothing wrong with that. Furthermore, if I go out in clothing that displays my assets, I'm certainly not going to be offended that men notice... that would be like a person with a face tattoo getting upset that people stare at their face tattoo.

Yes, there are douchebags that aren't going to be deterred by knowledge of a husband and children. My response to these creeps isn't "Sorry I'm married," it's: "I'm not interested in you and I want you to leave me alone" said with a stone-cold look of utter disdain. If that doesn't do the trick-- and 99% of the time, it does-- then it's time to have a chat with the bouncer.

For the record, my ex-husband was the manager/maitre d' of a very popular lounge/restaurant in NYC that was usually the starting point of GNOs and bachelorette parties, so this is a topic that's very close to my heart. I can't speak for all the patrons, of course, but I can say with confidence that many of them dressed for and reveled in male attention. My ex, who looked like a young DeNiro (except over 6 feet tall), would come home with receipts filled with phone numbers and sexy notes from women, many of whom were married or engaged. Therefore, horny and unscrupulous guys have little reason to feel deterred by the sight of a ring.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 5:04 PM, Tuesday, March 19th]

But I think it’s generally men who could never imagine doing such a thing and can’t believe men do this shit unprovoked. So for that I can understand.

This is an interesting observation. This is hard to talk about without violating the generalization guideline, gonna do my best. So within the thread we’ve discussed
- women going out to get attention and getting it
- women who get entirely unintentional and undesired attention
- women who kind of wish they were getting random attention
- men who are indiscriminate fishers playing the numbers game to find a willing female
- men who are utterly naive to this whole game being played in life.

One thing I notice in all that: women don’t have the luxury of being unaware, it’s too in your face for them. Men seem to have the choice to opt out of it if they so choose, or never even become aware. I personally thought that love and sex were "supposed" to come thru honor and something like chivalry. Maybe I’m a total fucking sucker coming out on this side of it. At the very least I am now aware of the game.

#donthatetheplayer

Retracted... humour detector malfunctioned...

[This message edited by Ozzy1788 at 6:07 PM, Tuesday, March 19th]

I was making a joke, Ozzy.