SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just do what’s right for you! Make him irrelevant to your happiness. The only bad choice would be one you made under pressure, out of unwarranted shame, or one that isn’t right for you. Take the pressure off making a decision for now. Just do anything that makes YOU happy.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

61 here and D'd a few years ago. It's a lot to wrap your mind around facing our retirement years alone, but on the other hand it opens up a lot of possibilities - some even exciting. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find healing and peace despite his actions.

It does make sense to see a lawyer, just to be plan for all possible outcomes.

Giving up creature comforts is hard to contemplate.

I think you find once you do it AND get away from and out of infidelity - it's EASY. I would NOT trade my infidelity-free life for a nicer car or a fancier house especially if I had friends and family nearby (I do not - I moved somewhere I knew absolutely no one and still really don't know anyone so I travel a lot and use this as a home base).

I cannot overstate how much I appreciate time just because I am out of that mess. It's like life became brighter somehow...and not all days are magic but my worst days "out here" are far better than every day from a few months before d-day 1 and 3 years later when I left. AND my financial standing certainly dropped as well - by quite a bit. But go back to those days just to have nicer stuff??? Never. But you could consider moving somewhere closer to family that is cheaper maybe? Starting a new but close enough that visiting would not take much time maybe?

That is a really difficult place to be. It is good that you have worked on yourself through it all. I hope you find the peace and outcome that is better than you imagined it would be.

Update, after a very tumultuous back and forth with him last night ( after his therapy session ) I have contacted a lawyer. I have an appointment next week. I didn't sleep much last night , and tried napping today , but I still couldn't sleep.
I don't know everything he discusses with his therapist , but it doesn't sound like he is being completely honest with him. He is very manipulative.
Seems like the focus isn't so much about his porn use ( which he minimized to me ) but more on spending quality time with me and making me a priority...
Also , he as much admitted that he does NOT want to sell the business, despite him making a lot of talk about it. He truly is addicted to his work. It is beyond being a workaholic...and he has been making somewhat large purchases of things to take the place of the porn

I need to get legal advice at this point , even if I don't make any moves.

You're wise to get legal advice. If things do go in that direction being prepared and having a plan makes a world of difference.

I don't know everything he discusses with his therapist , but it doesn't sound like he is being completely honest with him. He is very manipulative.

My ex was exactly the same. I was naively so excited that he got into therapy fairly quickly after DDAY but it soon became apparent that he wasn't telling the therapist the half of it. Going to therapy because you got caught isn't the same as going to therapy because you independently decided you're ready to change.

It can be very hard to sleep and eat after finding out, so please take good care of yourself and see a doctor if you need help with sleep or anxiety. I had to take sleeping pills and Xanax for while after but it wasn't forever and it was very helpful. Lack of sleep makes everything feel so much more overwhelming.

Skeeter gave perfect advice. Keep looking after yourself. Sending strength.

My ex was exactly the same. I was naively so excited that he got into therapy fairly quickly after DDAY but it soon became apparent that he wasn't telling the therapist the half of it.

Mine was too. IC version 1 was a load of nonsense. I was invited to attend one of his therapy sessions by his therapist and he agreed. It became apparent just from the tone of the conversation that my WH was spending all of his time there complaining about me and trying to get his therapist to tell him to leave me (all while lying to the therapist that the A was ongoing).

Going to therapy because you got caught isn't the same as going to therapy because you independently decided you're ready to change.

This. This. 100 times this! Therapy version 2 was different as he went for himself when he knew I was leaving, and continued going after I did indeed leave, for 3 years.