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Holy shit. Your mc counselor is an idiot.

Are they purposely attempting to determine your volatility? Testing how much is you will tolerate?

Did they just graduate college and not have any real experience counseling?

It really doesn't make sense for a counselor to go down this route.

"Whenever my wife asks me a question, no.matter how insignificant the subject might be, I check myself if I find myself tempted to give a massaged reply, and I expect the same of her"

This is a high bar but seems a worthy aspiration. I imagine little deceptions can grow quickly into big ones.

It's the first lie that's the hardest. The rest come easier IMO.

I'm going to have a conversation with my IC about this on Thursday.

What could your spouse ask that you would feel it necessary to lie?

[This message edited by WB1340 at 5:47 AM, Sunday, November 10th]

I somehow think many are looking at this issue at some theoretical or ideological level rather than a real-life practical level.

My quote in my tagline is from the Stoics. If I were to adhere to the basics of Stoic philosophy, then there was one quote that went something like "A man can be just as drowned in an inch of water as in the deep ocean". Basically – telling a small lie is just as bad as telling a big lie. All lies are bad.

But... are all lies equal?
To me the MC is suggesting that this is the case. That because WB1340 possibly oogled some hot chick’s ass without sharing it with his wife he’s a liar, and therefore morally just as equally guilty as she is for having sexted with the other man. Since we have all sinned, then let’s not be casting stones here!
I strongly dispute this!

Of course in an ideal world there is total 100% honesty between spouses. But that does not mean all lies are equal. Telling your wife that those jeans don’t make her ass look fat (when they do) might not be kind or even sensible, but it definitely is not on par with your wife telling you everything is fine and then texting her beau to arrange the next tryst.

What would my spouse ask me that I would feel necessary to lie?
Well... nothing major as-is. Nothing more serious than maybe I haven’t told her I’m getting a crate of craft-Christmas beers next Friday. Does that give her a license to do something comparable? Well... she hasn’t told me what I already know that she’s going out with her BFF for lunch on Saturday. I guess that’s a lie by omission. But neither "lie" would morally justify if I were to secretly decide to take out our savings and place them all on a horse at the races.

It's IMHO an issue of all lies not being equal, and what worries me is if your MC can’t see that and/or found it pertinent to discuss this with you on such a high moral level.

Bigger,

Hmm. That is an interesting interpretation. I thought the MC was saying almost the opposite - that there are harmless "white" lies and important "felony" lies.

To me, the MC was equating the conversation to something like an interaction when a cashier at the grocery asks you, "How are you doing today?" I don't think the cashier necessarily expects an honest (or completely honest) answer. Both parties are aware of that and ok with it. That's totally different in a marriage though. For me, I check in with myself anytime someone asks how I am. I usually give a one sentence answer with a positive comment at the end.

Yikes... Possibly correct Kitchen...
Might have been reading wrongly in what the MC was saying.
But if anything, it makes me wonder what the purpose of the whole conversation might have been. It started out as a conversation about the lack of trust, and then it turns into a definition of lies... Don’t get it...

To me the issue that the MC should be focusing on is how Mr. and Mrs. WB can reestablish trust. It’s clear to my muddled mind that Mr. WB doesn’t believe he has the truth, and that Mrs. WB doesn’t trust him with the truth or the methods/tools he has suggested to establish the truth.

For me, after Dday, I would chose complete honesty. I understand trying not to hurt feelings and being tactful, but when it comes to the relationship, your spouse telling a white lie takes away your choice in the matter - they effectively decide whether to lie this time or not. It is the same as when they take away your choice when they cheated.