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Another Bump

BUMP!!!

My first post, Interesting read. Thank you. I am struggling with my WS choice of AP and my self confidence. WS doesn't know many whys when I ask. WS went to an escort, then had a LTA with her - fell in love within 2 months. Over the 5 year A there were multiple break ups with OW - he always went back to AP. Dday was a month ago. Described her as a nice person, she ticked a lot of his check marks. Now wants to work toward R.

I am beyond angry, hurt and ashamed that "THAT" would be his choice for 5 yrs over his M. I am kinder, and better person. Yes, I have gained weight over the last 5 yrs - partly because my M was getting worse.

Thank you for the post as I struggle with this.

This is probably true most of the time, but not in my situation, which just makes it hurt even more. I'll never be the one he turns too, and he has more respect for her, because she works, supports her 2 kids, and she is just "super woman".

Not true in my case either, well at least not on the surface. She is petite, very pretty and also 'supermum' nice house, degree educated and all but shits rose petals.

Having said that, I have no respect for a woman who moves a man in that she has known a week with her 2 young kids, who sends naked porn pics to him and who thinks it is ok to do all this with a married man.

So, if i had to choose, i would rather be me, I would not swap my morals, standards or dignity, for needy, desperate and severely lacking in morals and judgement.

All swings and roundabouts i guess. There is no 'better' only different, his 'gain' with her, is another mans 'gain' with me. Without sounding bitter, she hasn't gained very much at all, but i will leave Karma to sort that out.

thank you, brokendreamer, those were words I needed to hear today. I;m tall and big boned, nothing petite or feminine about me, really. She is petite and so girly I could gag. She is everything I am not, and everything he claimed to NOT want in a woman. Well, she's been like that since college, and he can;t stay away, so apparently she is exactly his "type". We will have a D Day again, and I have a,ot of questions I want answered, even though I know its over.

I guess I would rather be me than her, but right now it feels like she is winning the prize, and I am being replaced for a better model.

I don't know either - my XWH's current girlfriend, who may or may not have been an OW, is thinner and wealthier than me, keeps a cleaner house than me and has a ginormous house.

However, she can have him!

My cheater affaired way down in all regards... Integrity, honor, loyalty, class, looks, financials, intelligence, personality, lifestyle... you name it. (oh wait, she gives him more sex, so she gets a point there. Blow jobs, add another point or two for fun). Otherwise....Down, down, down.

But after trying to work it out and some false reconciles, and time apart, then back together, and more horrendous lies and cheating with her, he left Sunday and has been with her since. I'm ok, it's been a long time coming, but it does leave me wondering.. Perhaps he knew he could never commit to the requirements placed in my letter to him. Perhaps he is truly in love with her. Perhaps he has hit such low self esteem that her loving words and embraces lift him up and he thinks this is the one. Perhaps he's realized he has damaged our relationship so much that he knows it's time to settle for less......Choosing the relationship he believes he deserves. And with that statement, I agree and am saddened he has gone so downhill in all aspects of life. Tragic really.

I'll never know and I wonder less each day. 14 days left legally until he no longer has access to my home, and 15 days until the mega dumpster rolls in and he is forever blocked from my life.

YouGoGirl, your last post made me laugh. Glad to see you are at that stage.

Starzen, I read your story, and wow!

Hey and you're very welcome

I am 5'9" and slimish but far from petite, but let me tell you when I met my husband his ex before me was a tiny little thing like a doll. I remember him saying to me how wonderful it was to meet a 'tall blonde with stunning legs' how his ex had dumpy legs and how striking I was in comparison. Let me tell you, those cheating ass wipes, change their tune more often than I change my Bridget Jones pants! (yeah she probably wears tiny lace thongs as I pull up my 'comfy' Mummy knickers lol)

So trust me, these cheaters change their desires and 'ideal' partner to suit their own current agenda.

It's like being a cake lol, might look amazing on the outside, decorated to perfection, but if you bite into it and its dry, hard and tasteless, no amount of lovely icing is going to compensate. I think i am on one today, laughing here as I just replied to someone else and was on about boats and sinking as an analogy, now im on to cakes!!

Think of yourself as a home made Xmas/wedding cake, takes an awful lot of hard work to make, packed with the richest fruit and finest ingredients, then it matures and becomes even better over time. A good Xmas/wedding cake has so much invested into it, it can last for many years, indeed lots of people keep a tier and use it for future Christenings etc. It is often just plain white on the outside, but inside is where its at. Now think of a supermarket birthday cake, usually mass produced and cheap, made to look pretty, costs alot and is usually crap on the inside, lasts a couple of days at most, but it serves it purpose temporarily.

You sticking with me here (I used to write on here in floods of tears, now im crying from laughing at my ridiculous analogies)

Anyway I think you get what I mean, many men eat with their eyes (man bits) first and then realise they just picked the wrong cake when they see the inside.

Women and men come in all shapes and sizes, and yes initial attraction is important, but real beauty lies within.

Even from your post, I can detect that you are a kind lady with a big heart, do not ever undervalue yourself. His loss is a a good mans gain, without doubt he will look back one day when his birthday cake rots and reveals its inside and say 'that bastard got my cake'

Keep your chin up lovely lady, there is someone out there for you that recognises quality when he sees it, regardless of the decoration.

Hugs

I so needed this today! WH has described the Cyber A to ONS OW as a serious downgrade who was “there.” Makes perfect sense, as any woman worth her salt would have spurned him. Beer goggles don’t help either

Duplicate

[This message edited by CurseBreaker at 11:51 PM, July 26th (Thursday)]

It's a nice sentiment but it's not always true.

brokendreamer, now I need cake, LOL. What was the boat analogy?

LOL...I posted this on my last cheater's Facebook after I booted his serial cheating ass out my front door:

It's a nice sentiment but it's not always true.

Affairing with someone who’s cool with being the side piece or a cheater themselves, when there’s a loyal person at home - is ALWAYS a downgrade.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:36 PM, June 19th (Tuesday)]

Bump

I like this post. I really do. But there is a bit of rugsweeping here and just a small tinge of sexism. WHs affair down. Yes. So do WWs. The fact is your spouse is no better than the OP. The OW/OM is garbage, yes. But your WW/WH is also garbage. Yes, they affair “down” from the betrayed’s level... but they affair down to their own level.

My WW is trash. The OM pursued her and she finally gave in for the attention and thrill. Guess what? I earn more. I’m more loyal (OM is married with kids). I’m in better shape. I’m younger. I don’t have arrest records. I put my family first. But she chose him. So? They are BOTH garbage. They both affair down to their sad, pathetic, and disgusting level. I’m not demonizing. God knows... I hope my WW can find her place in life. But she is content to be with trash, so she is content to be trash. Same with OM.

[This message edited by EndlessJourney at 7:49 PM, July 16th (Monday)]

Quite simply, anyone that leaves a loyal partner and has an affair with someone who doesn’t respect the sanctity of their fellow adulterer’s marital status and family is trash. They definitely affair down purely on ethical behavior, moral compass levels even if they look like George Clooney. In my case the guy she had an affair with is such an ugly bastard and such a loser if defies logic. Just remember the affair isn’t about the person they cheat with but the WS insecurities and ugly side of their character. Walk with your head held high. Being a heater is a massive cross against someone’s name. Being a victim of cheating is nothing to be ashamed. You will survive and prosper. They will forever live with the title of cheater.