SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

YOU tainted your relationship with your fiancé with lies. I’m speaking as if your fiancé posted here. Your trauma doesn’t give you free license to build a relationship on lies. Sounds wayward as hell and like blame shifting to me.

Apologize to your fiancée for not telling her about your first marriage and then never lie to her again.

THEN, tell that freak XWW to fuck the hell off. You owe her nothing and nothing good will come from meeting her. Meeting her will only allow her back into your life. DON'T DO IT.

Explain to your fiancée that it's a bad idea to let the X anywhere near either of you.

Again, ease up. The emotional abuse he must have gone through to change his'whole life' over, must of been pretty horrific.

People abused 'just don't get over it'...

If any other type of abuse would have occurred, would the advice here be to quickly let it go, and divulge it. Rug sweep.

People abused don't do that. He tried everything he could to remove himself from the abuse.

I am more concerned about his ex and his current fiancee, trying to work their magic.

I had document with quotes and responses but what happened this just kind of ruined the point of doing.

Between the third, and this morning; things were, better than expected. Not great, but less bad than honestly could/should have been. We had our first session of CC on Monday, no IC so far, but we are both looking for it. On the seventh, I woke up to find my fiance on couch with me, and she forcefully invited me back to our bedroom for that night. We're talking more, even playing poker and gin well into every night. Yes, the wedding's been postponed to October, something we both agreed on. Not sure how this morning's will change this new reality.

So, this morning, my fiance had enough of me trying to gently nudge her into not doing the meeting. It was always a simple, "Can we not do this meeting" every few days." Still, not handled eloquently or ideally. Or particularly lightly, if I am being honest. We got into a huge row, I get some new information.

Apparently, there are messages that my fiance didn't show me. Ones in which my XWW tells my fiance that she's dying, and that she is now happily remarried, to one of my cousins. If I thought it was true, I would almost feel like an asshole for my attitude about this. Almost, because the moment I start to, I think about those years of hell she put me through.

Now I'm sitting here, in the chilly garage, with the work phone number of the cousin who married my XWW. Who my fiance has, apparently, already talked to, who can 'supposedly' confirm my XWW's impending death and intentions. This is also one of my cousins that went NC with me over planted falsehood that I was the one who stepped out of marriage. The last time I saw him, he told me that "The family legacy has no room for piece of shit adulterers who should have been aborted!"

To make matters worse, after the county courthouse got their crap together, and sent me the records, someone blabbed. I got a call from a 'friend' who gave my XWW multiple email addresses before I went NC. I had answered the phone without checking the number, but the moment I heard his voice, I hung up. That was yesterday. I have gotten dozens of calls from six different numbers with the area codes, I sent them all to voicemail, and haven't listened to a single one.

My fiance now has my phone, and I have hers. And I am at a complete loss. I know my fiance well enough to know that she's listening to those voice mails now. I confirmed the number is to where he supposedly works. But I am completely unsure.

She would like for me to call him, she knows what his last words to me were, so she says she understands if I don't call him. But she said that he is also remorseful, and for some reason I have been considering calling him for the last five hours.

Am I dead? because if I had to imagine purgatory, it would be a lot like this.

You first and foremost need to be true to yourself. What do you want to do?

Cut out all the clatter around you and do what you want to do. At the end of the day, you need to be true to yourself.

Discussing this with your fiancee would help build confidences with her, but you owe nothing to the other party.

Her lack of empathy for you is a concern. Hope you two are able to work through this.

XDoe5- I think you should take do what you want to do. Your finance should have your back.

Now, I will say this. You've got some work to do on yourself. You're avoidant! Its pretty obvious from your writing. That is probably something you need to work out with your IC.

It shows thru with the way you deal with your fiancé as well. Everyone is telling you to tell the exWW to go away, and you have every right to. Stand up for yourself man. Its time to stop running. Deal with it and move on.

What's happening xdoe? What have you decided?

How is the relationship with your fiancee going? Are things working out for you?

I am confused.

You built a relationship with your fiance based on lies [omission = lie].

XWW stalks you and finds her [WT actual F] and wants to meet and she agrees?

Dude - this has more red flags than a bull fight.

I'll simplify this.

1 - Hell to the freaking no to the meeting with XWW.

2 - Come clean to fiance about every thing from your past that you omitted and give her space to handle it anyway she chooses fit. Please - give her the time and space she needs to do so.

3 - You need to realize you can run but not hide from whatever it is you are trying to get away from.

Wow, just when I thought things couldn't be more complicated.

As an outsider, it is easy for me to say "call your cousin" and see what he has to say. If it is all true, there is still no need to meet XWW as she is still going to be trying to manipulate you. And you can then tell your fiance that. Out of respect for her, you did as she requested and spoke to your cousin. He confirmed that they married and she is sick. You still have no interest in meeting with her because of the damage she has done to you. She has to live with the consequences of her actions, and if that means she doesn't have the opportunity to apologize to you, tough shit.

Ones in which my XWW tells my fiance that she's dying, and that she is now happily remarried, to one of my cousins. If I thought it was true, I would almost feel like an asshole for my attitude about this.

Why? Her nuptials as well as her medical condition does not erase whatever trauma she caused you in the past. Any attempt for her to apologize NOW for it is all just for her own closure before dying.

You need to do what is right for YOU.