SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

WH LTAP did the threat thing - threatened me, our then teen child and even our cat. It kept WH in line. When DDay 3 happened [and I finally wised up and exposed to OBS] he told me of threats she was making as she was being thrown out of the house [they later reconciled]. I shocked everyone [WH, OBS & LTAP] when I got in my car and drove straight to my local precinct. I didn't tell anyone where I was going until the officer started making calls.

Years later- due to cyber stalking and veiled online threats with fake profiles, we hired an attorney to send a Cease & Desist. So far...it's been quiet. For how long is the crap shoot.

Funny thing with blackmail - once someone throws it out there, it isn't that they won't do what they say [they will], it just seeing how much the can bleed out of you between now and then. Acquiescing to it is just delaying the inevitable.

Know your rights - but expose that]shit. With all due respect - your WW knew what she was doing. She knew it was wrong and did it anyway. That type of manipulation takes 2. One to be the aggressor sure. But one has to make decisions to follow. While I'm sure it is easier for her to believe that she was 100% manipulated, the reality isn't so. She chose. This is reading like a teenager's excuse for breaking curfew. See Cheater's Handbook Chapter 7 - "Affair Manipulation = grown up peer pressure"

While, not the healthiest feeling in the world......um totally understandable. Four years out for me and I'm just to the point where I wouldn't stop someone else from peeing on the OW if she was on fire. She was a friend. I also second the thought that if you're working toward reconciliation it is a seesaw of emotions, hating the AP and then realizing that hate pendulum swings back on your FWS. At 1 1/2 years....I still felt white hot rage.

Being associated with HR, BODs, and humans.....we could care less about what happens behind closed bedroom doors, unless it was an HR issue within the company. This is fairly common behavior. Half of the population is touched by some kind of infidelity. Doesn't make it right or easier to deal with, but common. It is none of their business. If some non-employee or vendor approached with such a story, it would be more of a reflection on that person....and gossip mongering. I'd stop doing business with them if they were a vendor. If a non-employee.....I'd completely ignore it. This smacks a bit of your FWS not wanting to acknowledge the consequences a bit. There are other companies, other jobs. It is a small price to pay and honestly, if the BOD fires your FWS, a consequence of her choices not yours. That is her burden to deal with.

In our case the A was outted by the OBS who told me. I suspected, but never found the evidence. He did. I have a weird gratitude for that. And, a much better marriage for the work that FWH and myself have put in. That being said, everyone knows. My family, his, our workplaces, friends, bank, etc. We're just short of screaming it from the highest mountain. Those people told people. He's felt the shame turned into guilt and turned that into action within our marriage. It was/is real work for us both. But, we are reaping the rewards. And, the people who are real and genuine in our lives don't care. They see what we're doing and support us. Tell the OB before she makes the uninformed decision to commit herself further to him. In the end, you'll sleep better at night.

OBS has tried to thwart our recovery a couple of times. But, his ex didn't do the work. I'm sure he feels that my FWH has gotten off without the consequences, but he hasn't seen the work. OW continues to deny that this was anything that she has any responsibility over.

Take care.

It's been over a month since we heard from you. How are you doing?