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Bump

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR BUMPING UP THIS POST! This helps me tremendously. I genuinely and sincerely appreciate it!

A few books that I found helpful for my own healing

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Rising Strong by Brene Brown

Don't Bite the Hook by Pema Chodron

The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron

Thoughts and Feelings by McKay, Davis and Fanning

The Brene Brown books are amazing.

The Fatherless Daughter Project: Understanding Our Losses and Reclaiming Our Lives

by Denna Babul, Karin Smithson

Wowza. This one was huge for me. Keep in mind "fatherless" means several different things. Her father could have died or left, but also he could have been unavailable due to divorce or emotional neglect. Apparently, having a strong father/daughter relationship is essential for self-esteem and healthy relationships with men. Who knew?

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance

by McKay and others

Don't let borderline personality, self harm, addiction, etc. turn you off from this book. It is for people who have very strong emotions and cope with them in bad ways (like affairs). Learning what to do with my strong emotions was a game changer.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - FTW!!

The Happiness Project

by Russ Harris

ACT with Love

by Russ Harris

An oldie but a goody...

Feeling Good

by Burns

donewiththatlife those first two you mentioned were both huge for me!

Also Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward

[This message edited by waitingwife at 9:10 AM, February 21st (Tuesday)]

I think I'm caught up on my reading list and wanted suggestions. Thought I'd bump this thread. Get busy!

Okay I so went through all this thread to compile every one's suggestion in one post. I'm sorry there are books here that don't have author. At least, we now have a long but incomplet list of books to read! Please dont be shy to add anything, i might have forget or accidently skip some. I would have loved to add members' comments with each book, that would have make the post even longer... So here it is and I hope it helps some of you out here.

Living through the ‘’after A’’:

Should I Stay or Go?

Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin

Not Just Friends (Shirley P. Glass)

After the Affair

Getting Past the Affaire (D. Snyder)

Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect After Your Affair (Katie Coston)

Adultery the Forgiveable Sin (Bonnie Eaker)

Surviving An Affair ( Dr. Willard Harley, Jr.)

Get out of that Pit (Beth Moore)

How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair (Linda MacDonald)

Understanding ourselves (self healing, understanding our issues, etc):

Facing Codependence

Codependent No More (Melody Beattie)

Emotional Blackmail (Susan Forward)

The Four Agreements

Journey from abandonment to healing (Susan Anderson)

Journey from heartbreak to connection (Susan Anderson)

The Assertiveness Workbook (Randy Paterson)

Living the Truth (Ablow)

The Secret of Letting Go (Finley)

How to Get the Love You Want

Women, Sex, and addiction (Charlotte Kasl Davis)

How to break an addiction to a person

Addiction to love (Pea Melody)

The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart (Daphne Rose Kingma)

When Things Fall Apart (Pema Chodron)

Power of Now (Ekart Tolle)

Beauty from Ashes (Joyce Meyer)

As A Man Think (James Allen)

The Mindfulness Solution: everyday practices for everyday problems (Ronald Siegel)

Shame & Guilt: Masters of Disguise (Jane Middelton)

Talking to Depression (Claudia Strauss)

The Road Less Travelled (M. Scott Peck.)

Rebuilding your broken world (Gordon MacDonald)

The Shame That Binds Us

Why Do I Do That? Psychological Defense Mechanisms

The Gifts of Imperfection (Brene Brown )

Daring Greatly (Brene Brown )

Rising Strong (Brene Brown)

Don't Bite the Hook (Pema Chodron )

The Places That Scare You (Pema Chodron)

Thoughts and Feelings (McKay, Davis and Fanning)

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance (McKay, Davis and Fanning)

The Happiness Project (Russ Harris )

ACT with Love (Russ Harris)

Forgiveness (to ourselves or understand BS):

Forgiveness, How to Make Peace with Your Past and Get on with Your Life (Dr. Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon)

How Can I Forgive You - The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To (Janis Spring)

Forgiveness (Simon & Simon)

How Can I Forgive You

In R (or if you want to go through R):

Five Languages of Love

His Needs, Her Needs

Relationship Rescue

Passionate Marriage

Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage (Scarf)

The Art of Being Together (Wade)

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

The Love Dare

Fall In Love, Stay In Love ( Dr. Willard Harley, Jr.)

The Seven Levels of Intimacy (Matthew Kelly)

Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love: Relationship Repair in a Flash (Nancy Dreyfus)

The Self-Centered Marriage (Hal Runkle)

Non Violent Communication:A Language of Life

Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Committment (Gay Hendricks)

Religious:

Getting Past Guilt - Embracing God's Forgiveness

The Miracle of Forgiveness (Spencer W. Kimble)

Steering Clear: Avoiding the Slippery Slope to Moral Failure

Other:

Making Peace With Your Parents

Unattended Sorrow (grief and loss of a loved one)

Your Erroneous Zones (Wayne W. Dyer)

The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography (Maltz)

Porn Nation: Conquering America's #1 Addiction (Leahy)

Infidelity and the Internet: Virtual Relationships, Real Betrayal

The Fatherless Daughter Project: Understanding Our Losses and Reclaiming Our Lives (Denna Babul, Karin Smithson)

[This message edited by LongestRide at 8:07 PM, March 19th (Sunday)]

Wow!! Thanks!

Bump

I highly recommend "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff.

"When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds That Sabotage Our Relationships" by David Richo, PhD is really good one as well.

[This message edited by onlytime at 6:27 PM, July 31st (Monday)]

bump for fellow newbies

In addition to bumping this, I am going to post a book that i don't think I anyone else has posted. I purchased these 2 ebooks before my A ended and I was still very much in limerance (addiction) with and to AP.

I started reading it before I was ready to, and had stop because I didn't want to hear that I was just like thousands (probably millions) of other women following this pattern ...

1) EA with COW, followed by PA

2) Thought I was in love with my soulmate who was actually just a real mess of a guy with narcissistic tendencies - enjoyed gaslighting, etc.

3) Moved out of my house because I was in "limbo" and could not decide what to do - I said I was trying to "find myself," when really I just wanted the freedom to "date" AP

I am not in any way connected to the author, I just found it helpful to have an explanation for my behavior. Book 1 is all about how women are conditioned throughout childhood to suppress their sexual desires and book 2 is all about how to get out of limbo when you "can't decide" between AP and BH - I found this helpful to READ even AFTER I had moved home to R with BH because it validated my choice to move back home. The author challenged me to really think about what it would be like to LOSE my H - a nightmare-ish scenario for me. I'm glad I woke up. I 'm beyond grateful that he's willing to start R. We'll see how it goes.

The 2 ebooks are available here:

http://womensinfidelity.com/womens_infidelity_index.html

Bump

Bump for newbies

I think for me one book that i have found that helps to explain and define wayward behaviour, i.e. my behaviors, has been "Rethinking Narcissism."

I would suggest:

Codependent No More (Must read)

Boundaries by John Townsend, Henry Cloud

The Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg

The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist by Debbie Mirza

These all have been eye opening to me as a WS and BS. A lot of negative signs/red flags that I contributed in my marriage and missed/wasn't aware of AND on the other side as well. I feel these are all going to make me a stronger individual and better significant other in my next relationship, God willing.

Yay, thanks for opening this thread again.

I just spent some xmas money at half priced books, picked up a copy of Amy B. Scher's,

How to Heal Yourself When No One Else Can: A Total Self-Healing Approach for Mind, Body, and Spirit

It looked intriguing, and so far I'm digging it. May not be everyone's cup of tea, as it's a spiritual approach, energy, the universe, and what not.

After a few chapters I'm already feeling more grateful and optimistic, now I just need to go clear my chakras

Adding some personal favorites that have really helped me in healing but also understanding the WHY I choose to cheat & address my defects in character:

"The Gifts of Imperfection" by Dr. Brene Brown

"The Power of Vulnerability" by Dr. Brene Brown

"I Thought It Was Just Me" by Dr. Brene Brown

"Rethinking Narcissism" by Dr. Malkin

"Necessary Endings" by Dr. Cloud (this is a great one for just life in general, not just ending with AP's or relationships)

Getting ready to start:

"Not 'Just Friends'" by Dr. Glass

"Daring Greatly" by Dr. Brene Brown