Topic is Sleeping.
ninon (original poster member #62940) posted at 3:03 AM on Friday, March 23rd, 2018
Iris Murdoch deals with these themes brilliantly, if cooly, and I just read Sharon Olds' poetry collection, Stag's Leap, about her husband leaving for his mistress, but I'd love other suggestions.
BS
DDay + abandonment: Nov. 26, 2017
Married 9 years, together 13
1 child, 9
D in progress; narcissistic WS without remorse
sewardak ( member #50617) posted at 2:38 PM on Friday, March 23rd, 2018
redsox13 ( member #43391) posted at 3:24 AM on Saturday, March 24th, 2018
Anna Karenina is basically in a class by itself.
The World According to Garp.
My Secret History
BS - 45
fWW - 43
Simply getting better.
marji ( member #49356) posted at 10:31 PM on Saturday, March 24th, 2018
Anna Karenina is the one that first comes to my mind too though I absolutely adored Iris Murdoch's novels.
ninon (original poster member #62940) posted at 11:38 PM on Saturday, March 24th, 2018
Thanks all! I've been resistant to Anna Karenina and Madame Bovary--I'm not sure I can deal with a wayward protagonist at this moment.
I bought Katie Kitamura's The Separation, but haven't started it yet.
Marji, what are your favorite Iris Murdoch novels? I love The Sea, the Sea.
BS
DDay + abandonment: Nov. 26, 2017
Married 9 years, together 13
1 child, 9
D in progress; narcissistic WS without remorse
waterloo09 ( member #26422) posted at 4:18 PM on Sunday, March 25th, 2018
I liked A Changing Marriage, by Susan Kietzman although it isn't fine literature. It captured the drifting apart, and what I think the wayward partner might feel when moving to a new person.
EAPTSD ( member #62859) posted at 4:15 PM on Monday, April 2nd, 2018
I posted something about this over in Reconciliation a while ago, but at the time I was looking for more positive stories than cathartic ones. As a BS interested in Reconciliation, I’m always searching for accounts where both partners are sympathetic, fully developed characters going through something traumatic.
Some more recent titles:
Dept. of Speculation by Jenny Offil.
Ties by Domenico Starnone
The Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante : Hope it's not too much of a spoiler to say that across 4 books in the lives of an entire neighborhood in Naples, infidelity pops up a few times.
Me: BS 33
WS : 35
DDay : 10/01/2016
Hephaestus2 ( member #60769) posted at 7:07 PM on Thursday, April 5th, 2018
John Le Carre. Although his novels often focus on espionage and betrayal of country infidelity is a secondary theme running through many of his stories. George Smiley's wife is well known as a philanderer. In The Constant Gardner, Justin Quayle tries to find out if his wife, Tessa, was having an affair when she was murdered.
funnelcakes ( member #45249) posted at 4:56 AM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018
Elena Ferrante's The Days of Abandonment was gut-wrenchingly real for the roller coaster experience of the BS. It was very validating to read but I'm glad I was more than a year out when I did.
d-day in August of 2014, when I was SAHM 34 weeks pregnant with kid #3
A year of incontinent alcoholic cheater word salad and shitweasely blameshifting during R/S
I got a job and busted a move with three kids to a 1BR apt
D final 4/27/17.
aprilfool1985 ( member #56750) posted at 1:57 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2018
The Golden Bowl by Henry James. It was written in 1904, and does not deal with the idea of betrayal as traumatic. However, it is an excellent account of a courageous betrayed spouse taking control of her life. The writing is dense - deliciously dense.
[This message edited by aprilfool1985 at 7:58 AM, April 8th (Sunday)]
Me: BS, of a certain age Him: WS, of a certain age +3 events in question around 1985, M 1988, several adult children
cobalt77 ( member #62279) posted at 8:14 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2018
The Silent Wife is a good example of what happens when a BW rugsweeps, shuts up about what she knows, and pretends everything is ok in her marriage for years when clearly it isn't. The WH is a serial cheater who knocks up and leaves BW for the impregnated OW who is young enough to be his daughter.
funnelcakes ( member #45249) posted at 5:40 AM on Monday, April 9th, 2018
Oh god, I just remembered Angle of Repose by Wallace Stegner. That was probably the book that convinced me that I didn't want an unreconciled marriage.
d-day in August of 2014, when I was SAHM 34 weeks pregnant with kid #3
A year of incontinent alcoholic cheater word salad and shitweasely blameshifting during R/S
I got a job and busted a move with three kids to a 1BR apt
D final 4/27/17.
RiotGrrrl ( member #9046) posted at 6:47 PM on Thursday, April 12th, 2018
Something Blue by Jean Christopher Spaugh (quote in my profile even)
Although it's contemporary, it has humor and real-life situations like how to untangle a business, co-parent, etc.
Me: BS (44)
Him: WS (45)
Married: Six years, D Day 11/8/05
Divorce final: Nov 06
Two amazing sons: 16 and 14
Lodestar ( member #58558) posted at 8:24 AM on Wednesday, June 13th, 2018
Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton
Best if you are trying to R.
Does an excellent job describing the exhaustion and tiny issues leading up to d-day. And describes a perfectly remorseful spouse. A bit too sappy in the end for my taste, but it truly resonated with me.
[This message edited by Lodestar at 2:30 AM, June 13th (Wednesday)]
Me - BW (37)
Him - WH (40)
Married for 6 years, together for 13
DDs - 4 & 6 years old
sewardak ( member #50617) posted at 2:36 PM on Thursday, June 14th, 2018
and loads more to her story after that book ^^
OneInTheSame ( member #49854) posted at 7:24 AM on Friday, July 6th, 2018
The Golden Bowl by Henry James
I love Henry James! Thanks for the suggestion. I have great difficulty reading due to some neurological issues affecting my eyes, and my ability to focus (not A related), but I had all but forgotten how Henry James could transport me!
I tend to love the tragedy . . . always have. And that said, I loved Hardy's "Tess of the d'Ubervilles." It is more about the double-standard and expectations in relationships, but in that constraint covers a lot of emotional territory.
"Brokeback Mountain" by Annie Proulx, although only a short story, covers the different reactions and feelings of two wives whose husbands fall in love. Could be very triggering for some.
[This message edited by OneInTheSame at 1:33 AM, July 6th (Friday)]
(I edit to correct typos)
I am the BS in a lesbian marriage. My WW's ex-girlfriend was the AP.
D-day of the 6 mo A was 10/04/15
We are doing okay, but by now I wanted it to be better
Nanatwo ( member #45274) posted at 6:15 PM on Sunday, July 8th, 2018
The Paris Wife - by Paula McClain
- It is about Ernest Hemingway's first wife. His affair with a family friend comes later in the book - but I could relate to her reaction and feelings when she realizes her friend and husband are having an affair.
Girl on a Train - Erin Cressida
Really enjoyed the book even though it deals with how the main character is changed when she discovers her husband's infidelity.
Books that deal with the wayward leaving for the AP are big triggers for me - but I take pride in the fact that I can read and actually enjoy a book that deals with the subject.
Time heals what reason cannot. Seneca
First the truth. Then, maybe, reconciliation. Louise Penny
DebraVation ( member #51156) posted at 9:16 PM on Monday, July 9th, 2018
I'm not sure if it counts as 'exceptional' but I enjoyed 'The Revenge of the Middle Aged Woman' by Elizabeth Buchan. The part where she finds out about his affair is very accurate I thought, her emotions are very real. And you want to scream when you, as the reader, realises what's going on and she is still in the dark.
Plus she comes out on top in the end. There is a sequel ('The Second Wife'). Spoiler: it doesn't end happily for the mistress. So not too highbrow but kind of satisfying!
Topic is Sleeping.
